Price Jokes
147 price jokes and hilarious price puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about price that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides humorous jokes about the high prices of gas, petrol, lumber, oil, and other energy sources. Prices are expensive and sales are hard to come by. Though it may not offer any cheap solutions, you'll find the jokes amusing and relatable.
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Funniest Price Short Jokes
Short price jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The price humour may include short cost jokes also.
- Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT. - It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile. - A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink The bartender responds: "For you, no charge"
- Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
- In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day April Fuels!
- Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants. He could have called it Billie Jeans.
Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!
Kids pants would be half off there. - Argued with a shop assistant and she hit me with her labeling gun. Now there's a price on my head.
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Price One Liners
Which price one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with price? I can suggest the ones about discount and amount.
- 90's kids won't get this 😂😂 Affordable housing prices
- Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
- You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen chimney? They're through the roof.
- The price of oil has dropped so far that... Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
- Some people think that wigs are expensive. But really it's just a small price toupee..
- I bought a wig for a dollar today It was a small price toupee.
- The price of balloon is said to rise. It's only logical with all the inflation.
- Man, I really want a tesla Roadster... But the price keeps skyrocketing!
- You can't put a price on slippery lemon.
- I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices and blame the cost of living
- Mark Zuckerberg values your privacy at $157 Facebook stock price
- My grandfather died at auschwitz He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.
- What do you call a cheap wig? A small price toupée.
- Why did grape prices go up? There was a raisin demand.
- What's the price for mutiny in the sub atomic realm? Walking the Planck.
Price For Love Jokes
Here is a list of funny price for love jokes and even better price for love puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Electrons love a bargain An electron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "what kind of specials do you have today?"
Bartender says "for you, all prices are reduced". - I love my wife And you can too for the low price of $14.99!!!
Price Rise Jokes
Here is a list of funny price rise jokes and even better price rise puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices... Now I get less bang for my buck!
- If food prices keep rising The five second rule will be replaced by the not fuzzy yet rule.
- As a result of rising gas prices... kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.
- When pigs fly, the price of bacon will rise. And so will the pigs.
- Why can't clowns afford balloons anymore? Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.
- Why did the guy from Sweden bring a ladder to the grocery store? The prices might rise.
- Anti-vaxxers aren't all against science Some are just against paying the rising price of learning science at a university that's all
Price Increase Jokes
Here is a list of funny price increase jokes and even better price increase puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Things are pretty bad right now Van Diesel was forced to change his name to Van Electric due to increasing gas prices.
- The shop I normally go to to blow up my balloons has increased their price by 50% That's inflation for you.
- With the increasing price and size of Iphones…… If you want to be an iPhone user in 10 years, you'll need to have deep pockets.
( first time here, I hope is not too bad) - Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump You could call it the car owner virus
- Plane tickets prices' are increasing By 2020, it'll be "sky high".
- Why did the clown increase his prices for balloons he already filled with air? Because of inflation.
- Celebrity Big Brother viewing figures have already increased by 800k since Katie Price entered the house. That's because all her ex's are now watching.
Stock Price Jokes
Here is a list of funny stock price jokes and even better stock price puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you guys see the stock prices of brussel sprouts today? They really blew up....
Gas Price Jokes
Here is a list of funny gas price jokes and even better gas price puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gas prices are getting ridiculous I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full.
- 60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for... Coronavirus for president!
- Everyone's complaining about the price of gas but I just got gas for $1.50 It was from a Taco Bell...
- I don't understand why people are complaining about the price of gas… I went to get $10 of gas and it still cost exactly $10.
- What's Harvey Price's favourite gas? Carbon Mongoxide
- Why did Madagascar decide to go fully electric with their vehicles? Because with these gas prices, they're mad at gas cars.
- Ayy girl, are you a gas station? Because your prices went up significantly within the last few months
- What goes up must come down. But what doesn't? Gas prices
- Why do gas prices end with 9/10 of a penny? It just makes cents.
- What's a pirate's favorite gas station? ARRRR co!
What's a pirate's favorite restaurant?
ARRRR by's!
What's a pirate's favorite warehouse store?
Costco.
You can't beat those prices.
Amusing & Witty Price Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about price you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean salary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make price pranks.
A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...
The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The right price
A man approaches a woman in a bar:
-- Miss, if I offer you a million dollars, would you agree to have s**... with me?
-- Yes, of course.
-- But what if I give you only $50?
-- Are you crazy? What kind of woman do you think I am?
-- That's what we established earlier, now I'm just trying to negotiate the price.
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
Grocery Economics
A man and his economist friend are having lunch.
the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."
The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish Sargent knocks on a w**...-house door.
When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."
Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company h**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...
He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The p**... replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your money back."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
I almost bought a huge library out of old computer programming books...
...but the ascii price was way too high.
An old Yiddish man goes to the Bunny Ranch.
He says to the madam, "I'm looking for a girl who knows how to do it the Jewish way."
One of girls walks over to him and says, "I'm new here, and I want to learn how to do everything, so if you'll teach me how to do it the Jewish way, I'll give it to you for half price."
The man exclaims, "THAT's the Jewish way!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a g**... the street
He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."
Bob Barker looks good for 91 years old.
... but hey anyone can look good if the price is right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for s**...
"Sure, why not" replies the girl.
"And what about $10?" the boy asks.
"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"
"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Spanish men get half price movie tickets?
They take the señor discount.
A neurosurgeon is preparing his patient for a brain transplant...
He tells the patient: "Would you like a woman's brain or a man's brain?"
"Why are there options?" the patient asks.
"Well," replies the Surgeon, "the woman's brain is half the price of the man's!
"Why is it half price?" asks the man.
"Because it's used!"
I asked my local store why they don't round the 99 cent price tags to a dollar
They said that there's no cents in the change
A woman was shopping for her daughters birthday.
She asked the salss girl the price of some Barbie dolls. "This Barbie is $16.99," the girl said. "If you want something a little nicer, Malibu Barbie is $24.99. Or you can get Divorce Barbie for $169.99." "Why is Divorce Barbie so expensive" the mother asked. "Well," the sales girl said "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house and car."
Anyone exciting about the iPhone 7? I do
Because it will bring down the price of iPhone 6, which lead to iPhone 5's price to drop too. Finally, i'll have enough money to buy an iPhone 4
The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous
If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone
A man in need of a brain
A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.
The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar
The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar
The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar
The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive
The doctor replies: because it's never used
So, the God decides he needs a vacation...
He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...
Did you hear about the price of grapes?
There raisin.
What would happen if pigs could fly???
The price of bacon would go up!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my girlfriend pregnant and I learned a very important lesson
The price difference between a c**... and an abortion.
A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price, and heavier than Alan Price
I learned this on a price comparison site.
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
Do you know why they call it Black Friday?
Everything is 3/5 the price!
I went shopping with my wife.
Going down one of the aisles I noticed they had beer on sale $10 a case. I put it in the cart and she told me to put it back we couldn't afford it.
A couple aisles later she picks up a jar of face cream for 20 dollars.
I asked how come we can afford this and not the beer.
She said this makes my face pretty.
I said so will a case of beer for half the price.
Me: I can't believe it increased by 1500%.
Professor: I'm sick of hearing about BITCOIN! Nothing can increase by that much and still be a good investment.
Me: I was talking about the price of college tuition since 1980...
Balloons For Sale!
They're 10c each or if you want them filled its 20c
Ive adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
Heard of the Fibonacci soup?
Apparently , the ingredients are :
Yesterday's soup and day before yesterday's soup.
Price : $1.61
What happens when you win a raffle twice that gave you five for the price of three on rugby tickets?
You won two, three for five six nations tickets
My wife asked me what the price of lamb meat is. I told her I didn't know much but...
I know it ain't sheep.
Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:
- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
The woman giggles.
- Of course I would!
- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?
The woman looks disgusted.
- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?
- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.
How do you sell beans for the price of beef?
Make vegan burger.
What do Iron Man and Katie Price have in common?
They have both had a Downey Junior Inside of them
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many h**... does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but the price will depend on where you want to put it in.
Charging $500 for a $5 case of water is considered price gouging. What is charging $500 for a $5 bag of saline called?
Healthcare.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my p**... region.
He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.
It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, That will be $240.
I said, Why the price jump? You did the exact same design last time for only $120.
He told me, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A man is walking trough the red light district..
He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'
She: '€50,- !!!'
He: 'THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PRICE FOR TRIPLE INSULATED GLASS!!!'
I was at the dollar store and saw balloons labeled $1 a piece. I grabbed 3 and went to the cashier who told me the total was $5.28.
I guess that's the price of inflation
This Goat walks into a post office
And says to the Postmaster "I need to send a telegram."
The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?"
The Goat says "I need it to say, maa maa maa maa maa maa maa." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 4 more "MAAs" in for you."
The Goat looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense."
A mom tells her son to buy some vegetables
She says to bargain, and try offer the seller half the price
Son: Sir, how much does a bag of vegetable cost?
Seller: 8
Son: I will offer you 4
Seller: What about 6
Son: 3
Seller: Alright, I will sell it for 4
Son: 2
Seller: 3
Son: 1.50
Seller: Kid, you are bargaining too much, I might as well give you a bag for free.
Son: Give me 2 bags
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wearing a second hand hairpiece may seem kind of g**...
but its a small price toupee
So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand
Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Says he wants to send a message.
"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"
"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".
Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense.."
I got caught trying to steal a hairpiece.
There was a price toupee.
Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale
I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are Male Prostitutes' more expensive than Female Prostitutes'?
The Price of wood is so d**... high.....
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.
I could almost afford a small popcorn.
I once hired a limo
*I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!*
*I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"*
*The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…*
*… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!*
A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"
Grocer: $1
Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?
Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.
Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.
What did the bird say to the price tag?
Cheep!
(As told to me this morning by my 7 year old son. He was quite proud of the joke.)
Going to the gun range is a pretty fun activity for its price
You get the most bang for your buck
I was shopping for a car and asked the salesman the sticker price. He said $200. 'Not much for a car,' I said.
'The car's extra' he said.
Steel producers are grappling with the high price of iron...
...they say it's a terrible ore deal.
(An ore-ful joke, I know.)
A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."
The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. "You know," says the clerk, "we don't get many bears around here." To which the bear replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
A man in India claimed that he could predict the price of bread at every restaurant he went to
Absolute naansense
Why do chickens make good dollar store employees?
Whenever you ask them the price they say "Buck buck buck buuuuuuck,"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anyone notice the price of fertilizer has nearly doubled this year?
s**...'s gone up!
The wife and I were at the car dealership the other day...
I told the salesman that we were looking for a Subaru Outback then he hit me with a
*"What's wrong with the ones Outfront?"*
At that point I was prepared to offer him full sticker price for whatever because anything less would've been a disservice.
Once a man saved to buy his dream car.
The car was worth $10M. He worked hard around 16 hours a day just to buy car. After a year of hard work he finally saved exact $10M and went to showroom. There was raise in price of car. Now it cost $10M AND 50cents. He asked for discount but they told that cant be done. Then the guy went to the shop across.
There he asked for 50cents to buy car. The shopkeeper was amazed and looked that person top to bottom. He seems a decent guy. After a while He handed the 1$ bill to that guy and told , "Get 1 for me as well."
