price for love Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious price for love puns

A woman in a jewelry store farted.....

.....while bending over looking at a beautiful diamond ring. She looks around embarrassed and see the salesman standing behind her. Totally professional he say " Good day madam how may I help u?" Hoping maybe he hadn't heard her accident she ask, " Sir what's the price for this lovely ring?" He answered madam if u fart by just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price!!!!

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Taliban meets a Jew

A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was trudging through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water he hurried towards it only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, Do you have water?

The Jewish man replied, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.

The Taliban shouted, Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!

OK, OK said the old Jewish man, It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.
Muttering, the Taliban fighter staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead… Your fucking brother won't let me in without a tie!

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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and
so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you
when we're making love,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

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Jewish tie stand

A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried towards 'the object' only to find a little old
Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban fighter asked, Do you have water?!!?

The Jewish man replied, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are
only $5.

The Taliban fighter shouted, Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I
should kill you, but I must find water first! "

Okay said the old Jewish man, It does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you
continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely
restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom .

Muttering, the Taliban fighter staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

"Your fucking brother won't let me in without a tie .

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A lady walks into a jeweler...

A lady walks into a jeweler and spots a lovely diamond necklace. She bends over to take a closer look and lets out a very loud fart. The lady was very embarrassed but when she looked around, there was no one there but the manager.

The manager came over to the lady and asked "Can I help you with anything?".

The lady said "Yes, how much for this diamond necklace?".

The manager responded "Lady if you farted when you saw the necklace, you'll shit yourself when you see the price!"

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Jewish Business

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"

The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

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BMW Shopping

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

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The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"


WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"


MAN: "Yes."


WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"


MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."


MAN: "How much?"


WOMAN: "$65,000."


MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."


WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."


MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."


WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"


MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.


Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**

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A joung Jew loved to read books

He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy:

"Here is the book that you've probably never heard of. I can sell it to you for $10 if you promise me to never, ever open it at the last page."

The boy agreed and bought the book. He read it and liked it very much, but, as promised, he didn't open it at the last page. One day he could bear it no longer and checked the last page. "Suggested Retail Price: $5".

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The Golf Club Mobile Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at the shopping centre," she says, "and I've found a beautiful leather coat. It's Β£450. Can I buy it?"
"OK," he replies, "go ahead and buy it if you like it that much."
"Thanks," she replies. "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and had a close look at the 2003 models. I saw one that I really liked."
"How much was it?" asks the man.
"Β£37,000," she replies.
"For that price," he says, "I want it with all the options."
"Great," she says, "just one more thing. That house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking Β£750,000 for it now."
The man says, "Well then, go ahead and buy it, but don't offer more than Β£720,000."
"OK," she says, "I'll see you later. I love you."
"Bye, I love you too." he says and then hangs up.
The other men in the locker room who heard all of this conversation are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he shouts out aloud, "Does anyone know who this mobile phone belongs to?"

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This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly.
I'm afraid it's confirmed says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are you 100% sure?
The Vet replies We can do one final test . He whistles again and a cat comes into the room and springs up onto the table. T he cat walks up and down the table looking intently at the parrot, then meows sadly and leaves.
"Well I'm terribly sorry Mr Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead."
"Well, it's terrible news. Thank you for your time. How much do I owe you?"
"That comes to eight hundred pounds please."
"What?" cried the man in shock, "Why so much?"
"Well" Said the Vet, "Quick, accurate diagnoses don't come cheap. Ordinarily it would nearer to two hundred. What pushed the price up was the Lab report and Cat scan!"

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A blonde women walks into a gift shop in Louisiana...

She sees alligator purses, belts and boots. She loves the alligator boots and asks the clerk how much. The clerk tells her they're 500.00 dollars. The blonde is disgusted at the price and tells the clerk she will go get her own, storming out of the store.

Later that day the clerk is driving home from work and passes a bayou. He hears several shotgun blasts and sees two dead alligators on the shore with their feet up in the air. After another blast the clerk sees the same blonde hauling a dead alligator from the water and flips him over onto the shore,

The blonde looks at the alligators feet and says, "damn! This ones not wearing boots either!"

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The Perfect Husband.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: Hello?

WOMAN: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?

MAN: Yes.

WOMAN: I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 25,000. Is it OK if I buy it?

MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.

WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.

MAN: How much?

WOMAN: Rs. 55,40,000.β€³

MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.

WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing… the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 1,95,00,000β€³

MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of Rs. 1,50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 45 lakhs if it's really a pretty good price.

WOMAN: Ok. I'll see you later! I love you so much!

MAN: Bye! I love you, too.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: Anyone know who this phone belongs to?

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A man is showing off his paintings at an art exhibit when he's approached by his agent..

His agent tells him "I've got good news and bad news."

"Okay," says the man, "what's the good news?"

"This woman has offered to buy all of your paintings! She loves them, and she thinks they'll skyrocket in price after your death."

"Amazing!" says the man, "What could be the bad news?"

"Well," says the agent, "the woman is your doctor."

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Hopefully this isn't a repost, but I love this one.

A group of men are changing in locker room at a golf club. Suddenly a cell phone on the bench starts to ring, and a man puts it on speaker phone as he continues getting dressed. He says "Hello?", the woman on the other line says "Honey, it's me. Are you still at the golf club?"

"Yeah, what's going on?"

"I'm out shopping and found this great new leather coat, and it's only $500 dollars, can I get it?"

"Sure, if you like it"

"Thank you! I was also at the dealership earlier and saw the new Mercedes models, and there is one that's absolutely gorgeous, and I really want it!"

"How much is it?"

"About $80,000..."

"Alright, but for that price I want all the extra options included."

"Great! One other thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market, but they're asking for 1,500,000."

"Well, go ahead and make them an offer, but don't go above 1,250,000."

"Really? Okay! I love you, see you later!"

"Love you too."

The rest of the men in the club stare at him wide eyed. As he hangs up the phone he looks at the men and asks "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

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Electrons love a bargain

An electron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "what kind of specials do you have today?"

Bartender says "for you, all prices are reduced".

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Bad News

In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news, he said as he surveyed the worried faces, The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, Well, how much does a brain cost? The Doctor quickly responded, $5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, Why is the male brain so much more?

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used.

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I am going to go down on you, make you feel reall good. Then I'll slowly come back up and fuck you.

Lots of love, Petrol prices.

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The woman and the ring

A woman in a jewelry store farted while bending over looking at a beautiful diamond ring.
She looks around embarrassed and see the salesman standing behind her, he says, Good day madam, how may l help you?
Hoping maybe he hadn't heard her accident she asks, Sir what's the price for this lovely ring?
He answered, Madam if u fart by just looking at it you're going to shit when I tell you the price!

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Lovely Bracelet

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

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George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law.


During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive.
It could cost him as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem.
This would only cost him $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers,
"I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back, that’s what I want to do."
The Consul says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
"No, it’s not that," says George.
"You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can’t take that chance!"

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A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store.


She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"Β 
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

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Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."

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Feels good to finally be able to walk into the store and buy whatever I want without checking price tags.

I sure do love the Dollar tree!

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I love my wife

And you can too for the low price of $14.99!!!

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What are the most funny Price For Love jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Price For Love? Well, here are the best Price For Love dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Price For Love pick up lines to share with friends.

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