Previous Jokes
129 previous jokes and hilarious previous puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about previous that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out what the funniest previous Oscar, job, and regional jokes are with this roundup! Read through the latest and most impressive jokes and have some fun!
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Funniest Previous Short Jokes
Short previous jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The previous humour may include short prior jokes also.
- My girlfriend asked me to tell her all my previous girlfriends, chronologically. From beginning to end. OK. I probably should have finished when I got to her name.
- "What did you think of my new Fibonacci joke?" the man asked. "It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.
- Want to hear my latest joke about the Fibonacci sequence? It's as good as my previous two Fibonacci sequence jokes put together!
- A British man visits Australia A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks "Do you have a previous criminal history?"
The visitor replies "I didn't realize that was still a requirement" - A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out... The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."
"Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?" - WHO and Covid 😛 The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
- BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election... Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.
- The latest 23andMe data breach is believed to be perpetrated by the same hacker from the previous breach. It appears they're related.
- I woke up in the police station this morning with no memory of the previous night. I really need to stop drinking on duty.
- WHO let the dogs out joke. The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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Previous One Liners
Which previous one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with previous? I can suggest the ones about past and current.
- How do you get Germans to start a war? Win the previous war.
- A dog runs for senator... He has no previous experience in pawlitics
- I'm making a graph on my previous exs It has an Ex axis and a Why axis.
- I heard many Fibonacci jokes Every one of them made me laugh like the previous 2 combined
- I've got a prosthetic leg. I just hope it's previous owner got home okay.
- I don't believe in reincarnation ...but I did in my previous life.
- Why did my app lose its previously large female following? Because it went into beta. :(
- I'm A Born Again Buddhist. I was in my previous life, too.
- Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing
- My resolution for the next year? The same as the previous years... 1920 x 1080
- What do you call it when a previous partner looks thoughtful? Expensive
- My previous job was clearing holes for water. It was... well... boring.
- Were you on clearance at a previous time? Because today, you're being extra.
- I got with a young lady the previous evening.
- How do you make previous valuable. You replace v with c.
Previous Job Jokes
Here is a list of funny previous job jokes and even better previous job puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I am Responsible Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible.. - I couldn't keep working on my previous job after what my boss said to me What did she say?
She said "You're fired." - Job Interview Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that I need a new job - I went for a job interview today, when the interviewer asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience, in a nutshell?" I responded, "I've never worked in a nutshell."
- At a previous job, one of my coworkers would always threaten to leave and just blow glass for a living. My boss would always respond: I'm gonna change my name to Glass.
- The job interviewer asked about my previous experience. "Well," I began, "I got the bus. Got lost for a while, walked down some narrow roads and I ended up here."
- An invisibility salesman shows up for a job interview. The interviewer asks the gentleman if he could see the salesman's previous work.
He replies: "Nope." - Did you know that the clown from Stephen King's novel used to live at his previous job? He worked at the IT department.
- Employer: For this job, we need someone responsible. Applicant: I'm the one you want! In my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, my boss always said I was responsible.
- Why isn't being a husband considered a job? Because it's bad to have previous work experience.
Previous Oscar Jokes
Here is a list of funny previous oscar jokes and even better previous oscar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Bloodied cricket bat found in Oscar Pistorius' house"
In addition, locals have told police that he was previously sighted with stumps.
Laughable Previous Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about previous you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean future jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make previous pranks.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
a man goes to a doctors office
to get a diagnosis from his previous checkup. the doctor says to the man "ok sir there is some bad news, we found 2 things wrong with you."
the man says "ok doc just hit me with 'em"
the doctor says "ok well, you have cancer"
*the man nods gravely
"and you have alzheimers disease"
the man then stands up smiling, happy as can be, and says "oh thanks doc, i thought you were going to tell me i had cancer!"
Why a fourth time?
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
The engineer and the mathematician
A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.
She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."
"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."
The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.
The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.
The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.
Version of previous post.
One of the patrons at a bar opened a bag of potato chips and gave it to the bartender's dog. When the dog ate the contents of the bag, he lay down and started grooming his g**.... A guy says to his friend ''I wish I could do that.'' The friend replies ''Well give him a chip and maybe he will let you.''
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
Ray Manzarek, Ric Ocasek, and Sting were talking about forming a new band after moving on from their previous bands.
They were going to call themselves The Police Car Doors.
Ronald Reagan's Memory
One day a reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a previous statement he had made. "Mr. President, you said that you would resign if your memory started to fade," the reporter said. Reagan smiled and replied, "I don't remember saying that."
An anthropologist visits a tribe that eats only meat...
An anthropologist visits an exclusively carnivorous tribe in previously uncharted deep-jungle territory and word gets around about this strange woman who eats plants.
M'buk says to T'gru, "Have you heard about this woman who eats *plants?*"
T'gru gets this puzzled look and says "no, I've never heard of herbivore!"
The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times
The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA.
Police has arrested a charlatan
He was attempting to sell trusting elderly people some pills that were supposed to bring them their youth back.
After further investigation the police found out that the same man has been previously arrested for the same thing in years 1734, 1859 and 1926.
s**... amnesia
Being new parents my wife and usually have our s**... times while extremely tired. This results in one or more parties not fully remembering the previous nights events. So here is the conversation I had with my wife today.
W - do you remember having s**... last night?
M - only the last 30 seconds or so
W - you remember the whole thing then...
I laughed so hard I couldn't even be mad.
A lumberjack applies for a job...
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
My previous relationship was like a presidential term.
It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!
Eternal life
Police have arrested a man for selling pills that promise eternal life.
Records show that it was the fourth time he has been arrested. His previous arrests were in 1760,1839, and 1946.
The presidential footrace
Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.
Why did jimmy eat his Homework?
Because the previous day, the teacher told her students; "Don't worry guys, it's gonna be a piece of cake".
An 80 year old lady gets married for the 4th time.
This time to a f**... director.
The local paper does a story on her and they ask her about her previous marriages.
She tells them that at 20 she married a bank manager, at 40 a ringmaster, at 60 a pastor and at 80 a f**... director.
The reporter asks her why?
1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready and 4 to go.
You seriously don't want hear my next Fibonacci joke.
It's as bad as the previous two combined.
Boss p**...
I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.
I applied for a job as a s**... bomber.
I said I have no previous experience, they didn't seem to mind.
A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
What an age we live in...
... when a family of billionaires moves into government subsidized housing previously occupied by black people.
A man and his wife were driving down a country road...
A man and his wife were driving down a country road.
They had previously been fighting with each other so they weren't talking at all.
They continued driving until they passed a field full of cows when the wife said, "Family of yours?"
"Yes" replied the husband, "In-laws."
I was in a job interview.
"What are you doing at the moment?" asked the man.
I said, "I'm unemployed."
"What was your previous job?" he asked.
I said, "I was a psychic."
"And where do you see yourself in 10 years?" he asked.
I said, "I don't know."
Never ask an Arab chick for a b**....
I did once in a previous life.
One Sunday morning in church...
... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.
Almost all hands in the church went up.
"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."
To give you the idea how better Wonder Woman was than previous DCEU movies
The won't be releasing extended cut of Wonder Woman!
A detective in Paris is conversing with the hunchback of Notre Dame about a m**... committed the previous night
Detective: Well, who do you think did it?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I have a hunch.
I spotted one of my previous girlfriends in the shop yesterday
It was an ex-sighting experience.
Newly wed 70-year old
Marty is with his fellow septuagenarian friends. During a thoughtful pause between all the joking and grousing he reveals that he and his new bride are having some issues with s**.... The friends had previously warned Marty that his bride-to-be only wanted him for his money and now they rallied around him.
"You lied by saying that you're only 50 years old. And now she's disappointed that you have s**... infrequently," ventured a friend.
"Yes, I lied," Marty confessed. "I said that I was 90 years old. And now she's upset that it's in frequently."
> mandatory: this is not mine; not OC
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because six realized that it is a number, which brought on anxieties that numbers haven't previously faced.
My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year.
Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.
I recently bought a second hand car.
It only had one previous owner, a little old lady, who only used it once a week, on a Sunday - when she took it drag racing.
The photographers of previous generations had it tough.
No matter how hard they tried, they always developed a negative image.
I can't get rid my one night stand...
It looks like it was attached to the wall by the previous owner.
After all my previous failures I've decided that I won't let this happen again and I will train like I've never trained before!!!
Choo! Choooooooooo!
An intelligent young lady, Miss Bright
She travelled far faster than light,
Leaving one day in a relative way,
Arriving home the previous night.
A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
I mimic the voices of my previous girlfriends whenever I'm out in public.
I'm a bit of an excentric
A Korean man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 200,000 Korean won and walked out with $200...
The following week, he walked in with another 200,000 Korean won, and was handed $185. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said , "Three syllables bro: Fluc-tu-ations." The Korean man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
TJ Miller should change his name...
...to TJ Maxx: A disorganized mess of stuff that can now be had at a severe discount to it's previous value.
Where are you?
My ¨friend¨: I'll be there in five minutes.
\-If I'm not, just read previous message over again.
I told my roommate you get enough vitamin C in your diet without needing supplements.
The next morning, I noticed he was still taking Vitamin C with breakfast.
"Why are you taking that?" I quizzed him.
"What do you mean?" was his response. Feeling the need to revisit our previous discussion, I reminded him,
"It's fruitless".
Two German soccer players go to a s**... bank..
The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...
My friend is a hunter, before he sets off hunting he takes the meat from a previous hunt and rubs it all over his head.
It's how he gets his game face on.
Got a bill in the mail today but it was addressed to the previous occupants and I had to send it back.
Repost.
I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest as a hotdog.
I'm on a roll.
Please look at my previous post to see a list of my
jokes. Please give me feedback Thanks!
I'm trying to bring puns and one-liners into the U.S.A.
A chemist tried to impress his beautiful lab assistant...
He began my mixing two chemicals previously uncombined in hopes it would produce a strong aphrodisiac. Upon smelling the fumes, the assistant instantly vomited onto the chemist's face.
That was not the reaction he was hoping for.
The Tourist
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
a miracle
A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question, a superfluously expanded vocabulary, and a blatant disregard for previously established axioms?
A punchline.
Studies show young people are having less s**... than previous generations.
I knew I was ahead of my time.
Why did the group of previously miscarried mothers meet at chilis?
They wanted their baby back ...baby back... baby back
Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is divine punishment against homosexuality.
Has tested positive for the virus!!!
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID19. All dogs previously quarantined can now be released.
In short, WHO let the dogs out.
What do horses eat?
Hay of course.
What do gay horses eat?
*Hayyyyyyyyy*
What do mad horses eat?
HEY!
*Disclaimer-I'm fairly certain I made the last line up, but have heard the previous two all through my childhood. It's much better told in person, especially if you really yell that last line. People think they already know the joke, the extra sentence gets them intrigued, then they're paying attention and super startled when you yell the final "hay".
For the first time in my life, I can't go for a holiday because of COVID-19
Previously, it was because I couldn't afford it
