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Prevent Jokes

114 prevent jokes and hilarious prevent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prevent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Prevent Short Jokes

Short prevent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prevent humour may include short protect jokes also.

  1. America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona By keeping the first one going
  2. Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented. If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.
  3. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
  4. I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn't prevent you from getting your wife pregnant. It just changes the color of the baby. :(
  5. I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby. Or at least that's what my mailman said.
  6. LPT: Laminate your index cards when studying. Not only does it prevent smearing, but the teardrops actually roll right off.
  7. Nowadays with internet in some prisons.. ..How do they prevent the emails from having attached files?
  8. Valve should be in charge of the UN... It's the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3.
  9. I was told a vasectomy would prevent my wife and I from having a baby... Turns out it just turns the baby black.
  10. If you see a monk going door to door selling flowers in your neighborhood, call the authorities immediately. Because only YOU can prevent florist friars.

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Prevent One Liners

Which prevent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prevent? I can suggest the ones about avoid and assist.

  1. What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal? A keeper
  2. Why don't dentists display their awards? Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.
  3. Why does donkey Kong brush his teeth? To prevent tooth DK.
  4. How to prevent WW3 Just give valve the rights to 1 and 2.
  5. I used to be in a band called The Prevention... We were better than the cure.
  6. What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention? Don't get carried away.
  7. Why do prison guards use Proactive? To prevent further breakouts.
  8. Deep sleep prevents aging. Especially when you are driving.
  9. What has 125 teeth and prevents a savage beast from escaping? My zipper.
  10. What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war? A nuclear detergent
  11. How do you prevent murders? Use a scarecrow
  12. Never buy flowers from a monk... Remember, only you can prevent florist friars.
  13. I prevented 2 rapes last night... "How?"
    Self control.
  14. I prevented two girls from being abducted today. My van wouldn't start.
  15. Preventing childhood obesity... It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

Prevent joke, Preventing childhood obesity...

Amusing Prevent Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about prevent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean permit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prevent pranks.

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.
Apparently, all it does is change the color of the baby.

Aids...

-What would prevent AIDS from spreading in Africa?
-s**... only after lunch

An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Hugh Hefner

Today, famous p**... Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the p**... Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.
Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I have a tendency to run around n**......

So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking.

I just had my iPhone stolen. I wish I thought of this before.

Best way to prevent iPhone theft? Make it look like a BlackBerry.

Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners p**... mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the p**... mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh

Some monks were trying to sell flowers...

...at the p**... mansion. These monks had always been successful at selling flowers. However, Hugh Heffner was especially annoyed this day by their persistence and had security e**... them from the premises.
Turns out, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

If you want to prevent pregnancy use two condoms and...

Fill chille powder in between. If outer one breaks she will know if inner one breaks you will know..

Flower Salesman Arrested

Local Chinese man Chen Yu stopped a Catholic monk from selling flowers tonight in Downton Dallas. The monk was detained for not having a vending license. The monk will be fined $300 and Yu has been awarded for his efforts. At the end of the day, only Yu can prevent Florist Friars.

What's the simplest way to prevent r**...?

Consent.

Why should you always wash your delicate undergarments separate from your socks?

To prevent yourself from getting athletes c**... !

Why does the law prohibit s**... between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

What do an IUD and an IED have in common?

They both prevent pregnancy.
^I'm ^sorry

My girlfriend is developing a weird body odor

It's not awful enough to prevent us from having s**... or to turn me away from giving her o**... but it is steadily getting worse.
Maybe it's about time I buried her.

Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?

I'd rather spend that £2 on a c**... to prevent a kid's life.

Gabe Newell should be the World President

He will prevent World War 3.

My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now

I'm taking steps to prevent the measure

An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there...

... by shooting them himself.

Some monks were selling flowers outside the p**... mansion

Hugh Hefner realises this and puts a stop to it as they are on his property and welcoming tourists. The local news catches wind of this and goes to interview the monks.
The reporter asks "do you think you will set up shop somewhere else?"
And the monks reply "oh yes, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

Police responded to a call outside the p**... mansion.

Mr. Hefner called the police to remove a group of monks selling daisies out of an i**... roadside stand in front of the p**... mansion. A police spokesperson released a statement "we responded promptly to Mr. Hefner's call because as everybody knows, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

My doctor asked me what I use to prevent s**... Transmitted Diseases. . .

I said: my face.

I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening...

One of the perks of being self-employed.

Never buy flowers from a monk

Only YOU can prevent florist friars

Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having s**...?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.

I adopted a child from overseas...

I adopted a child from overseas.
To prevent him from working child-labour factories.
And on his very first birthday, we took him to build a bear workshop.

Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease"

He bought one today, too.

LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously

Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as s**... Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"
Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups.

Whoops, wrong bus.

I prevented a r**... today.

I convinced her.

Daily Mail online: "m**... may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

How do you prevent family members from having s**... with each other?

Use incesticide.

So h**... decides to go see a psychic...

...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. h**..., obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.
After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".

While wandering through the woods....

I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.
Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent birth

But apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Obama care is religious discrimination

We shouldn't try to prevent Americans from being Sikh!

Have you heard of Smokey the Orc?

Only YOU can prevent forests!

A man is sunbathing on a n**... beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important o**... with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

Research suggests that m**... could help prevent the common cold.

It had better, I've run out of tissues

TIL: The Polish Space Program planned to be the first country to send a man to the sun.

When asked how they would prevent their astronauts from burning up, space program officials stated "We'll go at night."

Don't ever buy flowers from monks.

Only you can prevent florist friars.
(Sorry if repost.)

How did the British prevent war with the Germans in 1938?

They wrote them a Czech.

How do you prevent a wasp from using its stinger?

Steal all the crème de menthe from his country club.

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot?

To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.

Dad what do condoms do?

Prevent questions like that one son.

Jenny was walking home from school one day.

Suddenly she saw her little brother Tom running from school to home. She got worried and asked:
"Tom, why are you running?"
"I'm trying to prevent a fight between two boys"
"And who are those boys?"
"Jeff and I"

Say what you want about wasps.

But at least they wear high visibility jackets to prevent accidents.

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop...

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop, with prices so below-cost that no other shop could compete. Several of the other shop owners tried to kill the brothers, but they always failed. Eventually, the other shop owners pooled their money to hire the most clever and expensive assassin in town, Hugh McTaggart. He succeeded, demonstrating that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...

Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!

How do you prevent clickbait?

This ain't it, Chief.

Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they're drinking out of a water bottle?

It's to prevent it from trickling down.

Fun fact:

No matter how much you try to prevent it, one day you may wake up with a large washbasin knocking on your door.
Just let that sink in.

Why is an aircraft painted?

To prevent it from looking **plane**.

Regular naps prevent ageing

Especially if taken while driving

You too can help prevent wild fires.

Just a friendly tip. Google your joke before you post it here. It will tell you when the last time it was posted to this sub. Help do your part to keep this sub trash fire free!

I prevented several horrible crimes today.

Good old self-control.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and n**..., leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.

So I started drinking a bottle of windex every morning....

I'm not sure that it helps prevent covid-19 but my underwear has definitely been cleaner, No more streaks!

What's the best way to prevent the second wave of the Coronavirus?

Not let the first one end.

Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence?

Batteries included.

I called the s**... helpline for assistance

Turns out they only help PREVENT s**.... Bah!

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus's crucifixion?

To prevent cross contamination.

Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?

Swallows...

What do you call cancer when it achieves sentience?

A reddit mod.
(doubt this will prevent it form being deleted and myself banned, but this 'attack' is quite impersonal)

A monk was selling flowers on the p**... mansion grounds and no one but Hef could get him to leave...

Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Prevent joke, A monk was selling flowers on the p**... mansion grounds and no one but Hef could get him to leave..

jokes about prevent