Amusing Prevent Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant
I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.
Apparently, all it does is change the color of the baby.
An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Hugh Hefner
Today, famous p**... Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the p**... Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.
Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
I have a tendency to run around n**......
So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking.
Corniest joke I know.
Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners p**... mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the p**... mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh
Why do prison guards use Proactive?
To prevent further breakouts.
I prevented 2 rapes last night...
"How?"
Self control.
LPT: Laminate your index cards when studying. Not only does it prevent smearing, but the teardrops actually roll right off.
Why don't dentists display their awards?
Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.
Preventing childhood obesity...
It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.
What's the simplest way to prevent r**...?
Consent.
You can explore prevent vaccination reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prevent wildfires dad jokes. There are also prevent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth?
To prevent tooth DK.
What do an IUD and an IED have in common?
They both prevent pregnancy.
^I'm ^sorry
Valve should be in charge of the UN...
It's the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3.
Why would I donate Β£2 to save a kid's life?
I'd rather spend that Β£2 on a c**... to prevent a kid's life.
An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there...
... by shooting them himself.
I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening...
One of the perks of being self-employed.
Never buy flowers from a monk
Only YOU can prevent florist friars
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having s**...?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease"
He bought one today, too.
Donald Trump said, "I declare April as s**... Assault Awareness month."
His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"
Trump replied, "Prevent it?"
LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups.
Whoops, wrong bus.
I prevented a r**... today.
I convinced her.
I was told a vasectomy would prevent my wife and I from having a baby...
Turns out it just turns the baby black.
I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby.
Or at least that's what my mailman saidο»Ώ.
Daily Mail online: "m**... may help prevent the common cold."
Hope so, I've got no tissues left
How do you prevent family members from having s**... with each other?
Use incesticide.
So h**... decides to go see a psychic...
...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. h**..., obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.
After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".
I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent birth
But apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Nowadays with internet in some prisons..
..How do they prevent the emails from having attached files?
A man is sunbathing on a n**... beach
To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important o**... with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."
How to prevent WW3
Just give valve the rights to 1 and 2.
I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn't prevent you from getting your wife pregnant.
It just changes the color of the baby. :(
Don't ever buy flowers from monks.
Only you can prevent florist friars.
(Sorry if repost.)
A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.
He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."
Dad what do condoms do?
Prevent questions like that one son.
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they're drinking out of a water bottle?
It's to prevent it from trickling down.
Fun fact:
No matter how much you try to prevent it, one day you may wake up with a large washbasin knocking on your door.
Just let that sink in.
Regular naps prevent ageing
Especially if taken while driving
I prevented two girls from being abducted today.
My van wouldn't start.
I called the s**... helpline for assistance
Turns out they only help PREVENT s**.... Bah!
Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus's crucifixion?
To prevent cross contamination.
Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?
Swallows...
The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.
But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
How do you prevent murders?
Use a scarecrow
A monk was selling flowers on the p**... mansion grounds and no one but Hef could get him to leave...
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
The stork is the bird that brings the baby,
But a s**...'s the one to prevent it!
Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your n**... body helps prevent cellulite.
Apparently you can't do it in Starbucks.
And now the cops are hereβ¦..
Why did the Catholic chef sanitize his crucifix while preparing Sunday brunch?
To prevent cross-contamination.
An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub.
The apparent cause of death was starvation. Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.
The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the relatives,
"Was he a programmer?"
"Yes, why?"
She wordlessly shows them a large shampoo bottle with an instruction: "1. Apply the shampoo. 2. Rinse. 3. Repeat the procedure."
We should all stop studying to prevent global warming
Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.
How do you prevent a morphine overdose?
Use lessphine.
Smoky Bear: Only YOU can prevent wildfires!
Two guys are talking about TV commercials. One of them says, So, I saw this commercial the other day where a bear dressed as park ranger said that only I could prevent wildfires.
The other guy replies, Why, that two-timing liar! The other day he told me that _I_ was the only one who could prevent them!
Never buy flowers from a monk...
Remember, only you can prevent florist friars.
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
I got a vasectomy last year.
Turns out they don't prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.
There's a hotel that still has an elevator operator, to prevent people from doing graffiti in it, or kids from jumping in it.
A man who's on vacation talks to the elevator guy whenever he rides the elevator, and they get to know each other pretty well.
When he's leaving the hotel at the end of his vacation, the elevator operator notices his suitcases and says "Goodbye son" and the man replies "you're not my father" and the elevator operator says "no, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
If you see a monk going door to door selling flowers in your neighborhood, call the authorities immediately.
Because only YOU can prevent florist friars.
Why do prison guards use Proactive?
To prevent breakouts.
