The Best 60 Pretty Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Pretty jokes. There are some pretty unbelievably jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pretty your so pretty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Pretty Jokes and Puns
If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest
A little upset to find out he came back
No Nut November was pretty tough
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
That's pretty humerus.
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...
The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.
Oh the irony.
Letter from 7 to 6
Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.
Sincerely,
7
You can explore pretty handsome reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pretty girl dad jokes. There are also pretty puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old
The police are pretty upset about it.
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.
Great wine is like great jazz...
It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same.
I met a pretty girl.
Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died
She was eaten by a giant crab
I used to be scared of pretty girls,
So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.
At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP
I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die".
I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."
Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
They say one in ten men are homosexual
In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife…
But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery
A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
-Sure.
-It's pretty much worthless.
-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.
If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day.
If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...
...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese
made a language entirely out of tattoos.
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet.
Next, I'm going to try a fig.
Feminists just want to be treated equally
To the pretty ones.
I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.
It's a pretty good µ-boat.
I became a proud father today....
My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...
Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
My crush told me that I'm pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
How much does a rainbow weigh?
Not much, they're actually pretty light.
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how gross you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
How much does a rainbow weigh?
Not much, they're pretty light.
A lawyer dies, and somehow manages to go to heaven
When he gets there, he's greeted by St. Peter himself. The lawyer says, "What happened? I wasn't in an accident and I'm too young to die. I'm only 52!"
St. Peter says, "Nope, by our records, you are 84, and that's a pretty good life."
The lawyer yells, "84! How did you figure that?"
St. Peter responds, "We added up your client billing time sheets."
My sense of humor is a lot like COVID
Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
Valentine's....
For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's cards from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this!
Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . .
At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.
A man sitting next to me on the bus today showed me a picture of his wife.
He says to me "Isn't she beautiful"?
I replied to him "If you think she's pretty, you should see my wife"
He then asked "Oh, is your wife beautiful too"?, to which I replied "No, she's an optometrist".
My final work dad joke
I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:
After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore.
_It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life_
Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it...
So I did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.
Can I tell banana jokes on this sub?
Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.
My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on.
Still don't know why she got so mad. It's pretty hard to write on sand.
Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it
Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
Statistics show that 1 in 3 guys are gay.
Personally I hope it's Steve, he's pretty dreamy.
I'm pretty sure my local corner shop is a money laundering front.
I've been in there about 1000 times and not once have I seen a corner for sale.
Southern
A University of Alabama student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where y'all go to school? " The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Alabama student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL?? "
My wife bought a new suitcase for work
She asked if I wanted to know why she bought that specific one
I reply with a "no"
She asks why, and I say, "Because it's a pretty open and shut case"
A man and his wife are shopping together.
The man puts a case of beer in the cart and she says Put that back on the shelf!
So they continue shopping and the wife puts face cream in the cart and he asks What the hell do you need that for? The wife says It makes me look pretty! The husband replies So does the beer and it's on sale for half price!
Three moles are crawling through their borrow on their way to breakfast, one right after the other.
The first mole says, I can already smell that sizzling bacon.
The second mole says, I'm pretty sure I can smell hot pancakes with fresh butter and syrup.
The last mole says, the only thing I can smell is molasses.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pretty pretty girl jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working pretty pretty good piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.