Pretty Jokes
179 pretty jokes and hilarious pretty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pretty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article shares an array of surprisingly pretty jokes that will put a smile on your face. From a pretty girl to a pretty good joke, even a pretty boy, a Pretty Little Liars joke, or a Pretty in Pink pun, this article has some pretty face, pretty eye, and even some pretty bad jokes. Don't miss out on the chance to giggle at some of these handsomely funny UFOS.
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Funniest Pretty Short Jokes
Short pretty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pretty humour may include short beautiful jokes also.
- If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't. - I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
- TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP - I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife… But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
- My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
- I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
- Valentine's.... For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's card from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this! - Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
- They say one in ten men are homosexual In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
- My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
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Pretty One Liners
Which pretty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pretty? I can suggest the ones about pleasant and nice.
- If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's pretty humerus.
- I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It's a pretty good µ-boat.
- How much does a rainbow weigh? Not much, they're pretty light.
- Great wine is like great jazz... It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it.
- Feminists just want to be treated equally To the pretty ones.
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet. Next, I'm going to try a fig.
- 90 degrees is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.
- Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad... I think its time for USB.
- My wife and I decided to not have kids the kids took it pretty hard
- I just got the new iPhone for my wife All things considered a pretty good trade.
- I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations but all brooms are pretty much the same.
Pretty Good Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty good jokes and even better pretty good puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like to think I'm a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity. But when she's not working I give it to Destiny.
- Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film. One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book". - People say cannibals are disgusting human beings But this one tastes pretty good
- My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice. I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.
- I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
- Coming up with a good Reddit post is usually pretty hard. But today it's a piece of cake!
- To be honest, to this day I'm still in love with my last girlfriend. So it's a pretty good thing she's my wife, huh?
- So I have a pretty good fathers day joke Can't wait to tell my dad when he finally brings the milk home
- I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good.
- Did you hear about the new Christian online video game? It's pretty good, but it's pray2win.
Pretty Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty girl jokes and even better pretty girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
- One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals I thought, "huh... that's strange." The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too.
- I thought I was pretty lucky… I used to date two girls Kate & Edith at the same time. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It turns out you can't have your Kate and Edith, too.
- Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down. Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.
- Before going to party my dad said, "Don't bring any girls home, tonight." That was pretty harsh I thought, considering my sister went with me.
- How many pretty girls are there at a monastery? Nun.
- Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?" "I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."
- Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
- Boy: your teeth are like stars GIRL: Aww.. thanks are they that much pretty?
Boy: no, far away from each other - One American in Rome, Drinking beer at street cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him. American: Hello, do you understand English?
Girl: only little.
American: How much?
Girl: Fifty dollars.
Pretty Bad Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty bad jokes and even better pretty bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- a pretty bad joke my dad once told me what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino - Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list... It's a pretty bad state of affairs
- When a guy describes himself as an alpha, I often think that's a pretty accurate description... Because after all, alpha is slow, heavy and really bad at penetrating biological material.
- I always looks for a chick who is into bad boys. Because I'm pretty much bad at everything.
- I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis I guess you could say I dabble
- Things are pretty bad right now Van Diesel was forced to change his name to Van Electric due to increasing gas prices.
- I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad. I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK."
- Self depreciation is my best skill, And I'm pretty bad at it.
- Man: May I buy you a drink, pretty lady? Woman: No thanks, alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man: Do they swell?
Woman: No, they spread - I got pretty sick after eating some raw salmon It's a bad case of chickenella.
Pretty Face Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty face jokes and even better pretty face puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- "Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- My friend set me up on a date. He told me she constantly make Shrek references. I was pretty sceptical but then I saw her face
- I really like rock puns. They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.
Let's just face it, geology rocks!
PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I? - This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard. Actually it was a jaw breaker
- My brother when he was 5 told me the following joke: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Now, he said the following with a pretty serious and sad look on his face: Because he was dead.
- I got slapped in the face for asking a girl if she was interested in one night stand. Pretty rude, considering I was going to give her a discount on it as well.
- So, a horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks "Why the long face?" And Ann Coulter just flips her hair around while trying to remember when her parents told her she was pretty.
Pretty Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty boy jokes and even better pretty boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a werewolf's favourite month? Aaawoo-gust!
(The boy just came up with this one. Pretty impressed!) - Am I PRETTY or UGLY Girl: (asking her boyfriend) Am I pretty or ugly.
Boy: you are both
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: You are pretty ugly - You've heard of "boy who cried wolf", but what about "man who cried pig"? I heard the rest of the blind date was pretty awkward!
- Two native-american boys are walking through a forest One spots a bug on the ground, points to it and says to the other, "ew, squash it!" The other says, "no, i'm pretty sure it's a bug."
- A boy was singing one day His dad said" hey, that's pretty good, can you sing tenor? Ten or eleven miles away from me"
- Celeb boxing match: Soulja Boy Vs. Chris Brown I'm gonna put my money on Chris Brown because he's pretty good at beating up women.
- I found school pretty tough as a little girl So I went back to dressing as a boy
- The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas (Spoilers) Near the end of the book I think Bruno felt pretty gassed.
- A boy and his frog... (Pretty messed up)

Fun-Filled Pretty Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about pretty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean perfect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pretty pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a s**... forest
A little upset to find out he came back
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No Nut November was pretty tough
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had m**... to keep my mind off of the sweet little b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife gets n**...
…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my s**... body?'
Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a doctor has s**... with one of his patients...
And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have s**... with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I tried Colgate for the first time.. was not impressed-
The tube said 'Guaranteed whiteness in 3 brushes". 3 brushes later, I'm still Asian.
(Speaking of still Asians, my grandma's a quadriplegic. She's a pretty still Asian)
What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?
A Tattoo.
A man and a woman are lying in bed late night...
...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
England fans must be pretty happy right now.
They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
What does the letter K have in common with my cousins
They are ok by themselves, but they get pretty racist when there are three of them together
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
I always wanted to tell jokes...
I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Letter from 7 to 6
Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty n**... things together.
Sincerely,
7
Despite constantly dropping the ball...
Gravity is pretty reliable
Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
I met a pretty girl.
Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy is hit by a bus...
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"
My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard...
It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
from my 10 yr old son: Why do women like roses?
Because they are pretty and hurt you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
I went to a party last night...
..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.
I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.
Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.
My ex is like the Mona Lisa
It's not that she is pretty or anything, but I would be ecstatic if I came home to find her hanging in the living room
Call it a hunch...
But I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty"
Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
I've got a pretty long Police record....
It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day.
If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...
...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
Vader has a pretty sweet suit.
It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
JFK Assassination Document Release
From what I hear, they reveal some pretty mind-blowing information
I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore
I keep seeing the same jokes on here
a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."
A box of condoms, please.
That'll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
Nah I'm OK. She's actually quite pretty.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty c**... of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl asked her boyfriend "Which do you love more, my pretty face more or my s**... body?"
Boyfriend - "I love your sense of humor most"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only thing round earthers have to fear...
...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
My friend is pretty sick and tired of PC culture
I tried to console him but he didn't want his hand held
A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".
He's an artificial sweetner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...
An original joke from my 7 year old daughter
Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper?
Don't worry about it, it's tearable!
{I'm sure someone in history has used this pun, but I was pretty impressed with her effort!}
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
A guy walks into a bar
He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.
The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"
The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"
Simba runs pretty slow
He needs to Mufasa
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor visited my house the other day
He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?
12 I said.
A few days later he came back, pretty p**.... "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"
Yeah, so did I.
\*Heard in Dutch and translated.

