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Pretty Good Jokes

132 pretty good jokes and hilarious pretty good puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pretty good that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Pretty Good Short Jokes

Short pretty good jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pretty good humour may include short real good jokes also.

  1. My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
  2. I like to think I'm a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity. But when she's not working I give it to Destiny.
  3. I wrote a poem. I dig.
    You dig.
    She digs.
    He digs.
    They dig.
    We dig.
    Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.
  4. Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film. One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
    The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".
  5. My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice. I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.
  6. I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
  7. Two goats chew on a VHS tape. The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*
  8. To be honest, to this day I'm still in love with my last girlfriend. So it's a pretty good thing she's my wife, huh?
  9. So I have a pretty good fathers day joke Can't wait to tell my dad when he finally brings the milk home
  10. Did you hear about the new Christian online video game? It's pretty good, but it's pray2win.

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Pretty Good One Liners

Which pretty good one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pretty good? I can suggest the ones about pretty cool and excellent.

  1. I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It's a pretty good µ-boat.
  2. I just got the new iPhone for my wife All things considered a pretty good trade.
  3. People say cannibals are disgusting human beings But this one tastes pretty good
  4. Coming up with a good Reddit post is usually pretty hard. But today it's a piece of cake!
  5. I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good.
  6. I got a Harley for my wife Pretty good trade if you ask me
  7. My Husband is pretty good in the kitchen But I get less of a backache in bed
  8. It's good to know sign language. It's pretty handy.
  9. I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade.
  10. My brother's pretty good at Russian Roulette... He's only lost once.
  11. I saw a sign saying watch for children I thought that's a pretty good deal
  12. When one door closes, another one opens Other than that it's a pretty good car.
  13. When one door closes, another door opens... other than that, it's a pretty good airplane.
  14. I got a surfboard for my wife... Pretty good trade
  15. I just got a huge bouquet of roses for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade

Laughable Pretty Good Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about pretty good you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pretty interesting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pretty good pranks.

A lawyer dies, and somehow manages to go to heaven

When he gets there, he's greeted by St. Peter himself. The lawyer says, "What happened? I wasn't in an accident and I'm too young to die. I'm only 52!"
St. Peter says, "Nope, by our records, you are 84, and that's a pretty good life."
The lawyer yells, "84! How did you figure that?"
St. Peter responds, "We added up your client billing time sheets."

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

I don't know how I feel about m**... anymore...

On one hand, it's pretty good. On the other hand, it's a little awkward.

A man attends his wife's f**....

His wife had been hit by a car. Incredibly, the car screeched around the block and struck her once more before speeding off, never to be found.
The man was accepting condolences after the service. An old friend said to him, "I know you'll miss her."
"*Miss* her?" the man replied. "I got her pretty good the first two times!"

A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary

That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom n**... and starts playing with her n**....
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to s**... them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse, said the farmer….

You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."

I met an older woman in a bar last night...

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"

A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...

This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"

So the church is losing money...

...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...

but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

My job sent me to a s**... harassment seminar last week...

And now, I'm thinking I'm gonna be pretty good at it.

A man is walking trough the red light district..

He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'
She: '€50,- !!!'
He: 'THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PRICE FOR TRIPLE INSULATED GLASS!!!'

I used to know a guy who was in a band called 999 megabytes.

They were pretty good but they never made a gig.

I heard that elton john was pretty good on the piano

but apparently he s**... on the o**....

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality

I don't know what that means, but must be pretty good if I've got it.

I ran into a NASA scientist one day...

...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."
He says, "It's easy... you just planet."
So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good

Two young girls were talking

Girl 1: What does your daddy do for a living?
Girl 2: He's a lawyer. What about your daddy?
Girl 1: My daddy's dead
Girl 2: What did he do before he died?
Girl 1: He sort of clutched at his chest and fell over
From Garrison Keillor's "pretty good joke book"

People think mathematicians aren't very sociable

But I think they're pretty good at integrating

s**..., for men, is kinda like pizza...

When it's good, it's REALLY GOOD. And when it's bad... meh it's still pretty good.

How did the r**... find his sister in the woods?

Pretty good.

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

Hunting Fun

Two guys go hunting one day and they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. The first guy says to his buddy, "Man I'm not gonna lie. It's been a while. This sheep is looking pretty good."
Second guy says, "sure dude. Go for it. I won't tell anyone."
So the 1st guy pulls his pants down and has his way with the sheep.
2nd guy says, "I'm not gonna lie, that looked pretty fun. Mind if I have a turn?"
1st guy says, " Sure, go for it."
So the 2nd guy goes up, drops his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.

I just realized my apartment has a pretty good ceiling.

I mean...it's not the best, but it's up there.

So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was...

... He replied: "pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."

All you can drink for a dime (an old Flip Wilson joke)

A kid sets up a lemonade stand in front of his house, with a sign that says, All you can drink for a dime.
Before too long, a man happens by, sees the sign, and thinks it's a good deal. He gives the kid a dime and the kid hands him a cup.
The man tosses it back and says, Hey, that was pretty good. I'll have another.
The kid says, That'll be another dime.
Now wait a minute, says the man, your sign says 'all I can drink for a dime.'
But you just had a cup, didn't you? asked the kid.
Yeah.
Well, that's all you can drink for a dime.

I heard Mexicans are pretty good at boxing

Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes.

How did the h**... find his cousin in the woods?

Pretty good.

As a joke, I tied my friend up, took him to the middle of the woods, and stuffed his mouth with a cloth so nobody could hear him scream.

I'd say it was a pretty good gag.

I had to have a drug/alcohol evaluation today...

The therapist said my alcohol was pretty good but my drugs were terrible.

Have you heard of that new band 1023 Megabytes ?

They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.
Edit !: just woke up and i feel like the comments are funnier than my joke :(

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be g**... but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...

They say he's a great ex-terminator

What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV?

Nut-flix!
A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good!

My grandma has nearly finished her jigsaw after 3 weeks

Pretty good considering it says 7-8 years

What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

…One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a b**... crustacean!
(My husband groaned loudly when I told him this one, so I knew it was pretty good.)

Dad, what do you call a fish with two legs?

A two-knee fish.
Courtesy of my 8-year old. Thought it was pretty good lol.

My friend lives in North Korea

It must be pretty good over there, because he says he can't complain about anything.

Power of Christ

Heard this one earlier and thought it was pretty good. I think it's probably a repost so I'm sorry.
A priest was driving along a road a bit rashly while drunk. He's got the bottle in the passenger seat. Eventually, a cop tails him and pulls him over.
Cop: Hey Father, how's it going?
Priest: Pretty good, thank you.
Cop: Have you been drinking anything this evening?
Priest: No, just some water.
Cop (while pointing at the bottle): Oh really? Then why is there wine in there?
The priest opens the bottle, looks inside and exclaims: Good God, he's done it again!

A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and tells the bartender, I don't drink too often, so what would you recommend? Bartender says, I make a pretty good grasshopper. Guy replies, Cool, I'll have one. So the bartender whips it up, the guy drinks it, and heads out of the bar.
While walking to his car the guy notices a grasshopper on the sidewalk. Guy looks down and says, did you know they have a drink named after you in there?
Grasshopper says, they have a drink named Lenny?

My first job was working at a s**... bank

It was pretty good, until I got fired for drinking on the job

There was a pun competition going on in the local community.

I decided I might have a go at it since I am pretty good with puns. The rules were simple: we all had to tell 10 puns. I got on stage and gave it my best shot to wow the judges. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Why don't you have to tell a mathematician when to leave?

They're pretty good at putting two and two together.

Farming experiment

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

I attended a s**... harassment seminar recently

so now i think im gonna be pretty good at it

I just finished reading Mein Kampf...

Pretty good for light reading, I rate it nein out of ten.

My girlfriend is writing a book on contemporary feminist literature, and she let me read the manuscript

And I got to tell you, it's— it's pretty good for a girl.

A housewife comes running from the kitchen and grabs her husband

"We have to make love right this moment," she declares, pulling his clothes off.
Not one to waste an opportunity, the man stands at attention and gets to work.
After the deed is done, the man says, "That was pretty good. But why all of a sudden?."
"Oh," the wife replies, "my egg timer is broken."

I decided to return my new longbow.

It was mostly pretty good, but had some big drawbacks.

I was on a trip in Africa when I was asked to rate the tour guide.

To which I responded Safaris pretty good.

An endangered penguin escapes from its habitat, and manages to get into a swordfish tank.

The aquarium staff begin to freak out as the swordfish begins to attack the penguin, but their fears are dispersed as the penguin manages to get the upper hand, and beat back its assaulter.
As the staff look on in stunned silence, one turns to the other. "I guess it's true, the penguin is mightier than the swordfish." he says.

Yeah, the setup is lame, but the punchline is pretty good.
Besides, I have faith you'll like it.
After all, a good pun is its own re-word.

h**... was a pretty good leader

He killed a dictator that killed and tortured millions of people that then ended WW2

Ryan Lochte will be summoned to Rio for hearing.

But he says he's probably not gonna go. His ears work pretty good already.

My ten year old daughter made this one up… thought it was pretty good. What's the least expensive type of car?

Afford.

My Dog's Pretty Good In Making Ends Meet

By Chasing His Tail!
I'll show myself out....

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.
The best mom will switch the mixer off first.

(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

New cuisines

I went to a Chinese/ German fusion buffet today for lunch. I had the Szechuan Schnitzel with sweet and sour k**.... It was pretty good. My only complaint is that an hour later I was hungry...
For POWER!

jokes about pretty good