Pretty Bad Jokes
109 pretty bad jokes and hilarious pretty bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pretty bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pretty Bad Short Jokes
Short pretty bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pretty bad humour may include short real bad jokes also.
- a pretty bad joke my dad once told me what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino - Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list... It's a pretty bad state of affairs
- When a guy describes himself as an alpha, I often think that's a pretty accurate description... Because after all, alpha is slow, heavy and really bad at penetrating biological material.
- I always looks for a chick who is into bad boys. Because I'm pretty much bad at everything.
- I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis I guess you could say I dabble
- Things are pretty bad right now Van Diesel was forced to change his name to Van Electric due to increasing gas prices.
- I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad. I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK."
- Man: May I buy you a drink, pretty lady? Woman: No thanks, alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man: Do they swell?
Woman: No, they spread - I drove past an accident involving an ice cream truck. It must have been pretty bad because I heard one of the paramedics say that it looks like they lost a few pints.
- My dad always taught me to go the extra mile... I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.
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Pretty Bad One Liners
Which pretty bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pretty bad? I can suggest the ones about kinda bad and seriously bad.
- Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad... I think its time for USB.
- Self depreciation is my best skill, And I'm pretty bad at it.
- I got pretty sick after eating some raw salmon It's a bad case of chickenella.
- I've decided not to have any kids.... The kids are taking it pretty bad !!
- I am pretty bad at building fences. Oops, wrong place for this post.
- I was gonna post a joke about a bad artist but it really doesnt paint a pretty picture
- If I were a sailor, I think I'd be pretty bad at puns... Knot!
- I'm pretty bad at remembering jokes but here goes: Knock Knock To get to the other side
- Golf jokes and puns are pretty bad But that's just par for the course.
- A bogey man who's a pretty good guy is... Snot Bad.
- I got a new thesaurus Its pretty bad, though. Not only that, it's also bad.
- I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel.
- My handwriting has gotten pretty bad... I am the most illegible bachelor in my hometown!
- The DNC hurt themselves pretty badly... And now they're feeling the bern.
- I'm pretty bad at sowing As you can see from this short thread
Pretty Bad Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pretty bad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horribly bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pretty bad pranks.
The Tomato Garden
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie
The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met an older woman in a bar last night...
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
Cough medicine.
A pharmacist is about to take a lunch break and he says to his assistant, "I'll be back in an hour, keep an eye on things".
Upon his return, he notices a man outside the pharmacy, standing against the wall, clutching his abdomen, obviously in some pretty serious discomfort.
He continues into the store and asks his assistant, "what's with the guy outside?" to which the assistant says "he came in with a bad cold. I couldn't find the cough medicine, so I gave him some laxatives."
"Laxatives??!!" exclaims the pharmacist, "that's not gonna do anything for his cold!"
"Sure it will," replies the assistant "Look, he's afraid to cough!"
My Homecoming Dance
I was at my homecoming dance when I noticed a kid in the corner looking miserable. Feeling bad, I went over there and asked him what was wrong? He responded that no one would ever want to dance with him because of his wooden eye.
Upon hearing this, I made it my mission to find the boy a dancing partner. After a couple minutes of looking, I found a girl crying out in the hallway. When I asked her what was wrong she said hat no would dance with her because of her hair lip.
I then went back to the boy with the wooden eye. In a couple of minutes I was able to get him to work up the courage to ask the girl to dance. As he approached her I felt pretty good about myself; that is until I heard what happened next.
The boy asked the obviously excited girl to dance. She was so thrilled she responded, "Would I, Would I!" The boy responded "Hair Lip, Hair Lip" and stormed away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player,
I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, "three wood." I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard "three wood." I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three
wood. I thought it was s**... but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next whole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.
That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, "kiss me." Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)
Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.
Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.
Bad news, a m**... tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.
In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.
And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".
Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.
My barber said this today
I used to put out fires at the local airport and I had marshmallows in my toolbox. They thought I was a little weird, but I told 'em "More often than not, you're just gonna sit back and watch it burn anyway, might as well have some marshmallows."
One day an experimental plane crashed with six passengers, they burned up pretty bad and the chief brought us fried chicken for lunch. Nobody really wanted fried chicken for lunch after seeing those bodies, I think he was a bit on the mean side. Besides, I had just had marshmallows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
Three legged pig...
A man sees a farmer walking a three-legged pig down the road. He stops him and asks what happened to the pig.
The farmer says, "This isn't any ordinary pig. This pig saved my life twice. One time, I fell off my tractor into a ditch and was hurt pretty bad and this pig went and got help. Another time, the house caught fire in the middle of the night and this pig woke me and my wife up. Saved our lives."
The man exclaimed, "That is amazing! But it doesn't explain how the pig lost it's leg."
The farmer replied, "Well, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."
Talking ducks
I was walking through town the other day and a man stopped me and asked whether I wanted to see his talking ducks. I decided to humour him, and went along.
I walked up to the first duck and asked "How was your day?"
"Not bad, just been in and out of puddles all day really" He replied
I was so shocked he actually replied, I decided to talk to the next duck and asked how his day was, "Pretty good, just been in and out of puddles all day" He replied.
I walked up to the last duck, and asked him "How was your day then?"
"My day's been terrible" the duck said
"Oh dear, why's that?" I asked
"My name's Puddles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember when Walter Jr. called Skyler a b**...' in Breaking Bad?
That was a pretty polzy move!
Two twins, Tom and Harry.
There were two twins, Tom and Harry. Tom was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that Harry's wife died the same day Tom's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Tom and mistaking him for Harry said I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must be feeling terrible.
Tom, thinking she was talking about his boat said Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle
The old woman fainted hearing all this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mahatma Gandhi was a good man...
He also had an odd diet which gave him a pretty pungent breath, not only did he have bad breath from his diet but it also made him incredibly skinny. Another thing he did was walk around barefoot all the time so his feet were tougher than most people's.
I guess you could call him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
At the Hospital
At Hospital
Nurse : Why are you hurt so badly ?
Girl : My boyfriend dump me
Nurse : Don't need to hurt yourself, there are plenty of guys. You are still young and pretty.
Girl : He dump me from 4th floor.
Billy and Joe were called into the teacher's room after class.
The teacher said that one of them had cheated off the other. Every single one was the same until the last one, the written response. At that point, the teacher asked, "What was your answer Billy?"
Billy replied," I don't know."
"And you Joe?"
Joe read his paper and said, "Me neither."
Not sure if repost but I know it's pretty bad. Thought it was funny before.
Brain Transplant
Heard this joke from a gregarious bus driver in Yosemite:
A man at the hospital is discussing his condition with the doctor. The doctor says:
"So we have some good news, and some bad news."
"Ok... What's the bad news?"
"Your brain is busted. You're gonna need a new one."
"Alright. So what's the good news?"
"You have some options to pick from. First option is a lawyer's brain. This one is expensive. It'll be $5,000."
"Well. A lawyers brain. That's pretty good. What's the next one?"
"Second option is a doctors brain. That's even more expensive. It costs $10,000."
"Wow. $10,000! But a doctor's brain. That's even better. So what's the third option?"
"The third option is a busdriver's brain. And that one is $50,000."
"$50,000!?? Why is it so much??"
"Because that one has never been used. It's like brand new! Fresh outta the box"
My friend got a pretty bad haircut
I told him it would grow on him
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
Circumcising elephants isn't too bad of a job...
The pay is pretty low, but at least the tips are big...
Working at Starbucks is pretty bad
but it does have some percs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old, old man goes into a confessional.
He says, "Father, I"m not sure where to start."
The priest say, Well, what do I need to know?"
The old man says, "Father, last night I was havin' a drink, alone, at the bar, and I told the bartender it was my birthday, but I was all alone. Right then, a beautiful, sweet, 18-year-old blonde came up and said I shouldn't be alone on my birthday. She insisted on buyin' me a drink, and then insisted on taking me back to her apartment, where she introduced me to her gorgeous red-headed best friend. Well, one thing led to another, and we had all s**... all night long."
"Well," said the priest, "that's pretty bad, but I can understand. Say five Hail Mary's and two Our Father's, and don't do it again."
"I don't know those," said the old man, "I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm tellin' everybody!!"
A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.
I bought my shoes from a drug dealer
They must have been laced pretty badly, cause I've been trippin all morning
Ebenezer Scrooge must have been tripping pretty badly to see all those ghosts
He probably popped a Marley
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm pretty bad at apologising..
So I just say... "unfuck you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pretty lady with bad gas farts in an Apple store...
She looks around and loudly proclaims "HA! Bet you wish you had Windows now!"
Ford claims that 90% of its cars are still on the road today
That's pretty bad, apparently only 10% of them made it back home
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a hard time seeing the difference between Donald Trump and h**...
Then again, I *am* pretty bad at faces.
The Worst Natural Disaster
So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.
The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad
But at least they have a liver pool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy is hit by a bus...
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
America as a whole is pretty bad at geometry...
We're all out of shape.
Gnarls *Woof*ley - Crazy
Ye it is pretty bad, I know
The sausage I had today was pretty bad...
But it wasn't the wurst that I have ever had.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must be pretty bad being the wife of a s**... bomber...
Because if they come home after work, they've had a bad day.
Voldemort is pretty bad
but what about Dumbledore's missing owls?
Bad egg jokes I thought of
1) what do you call it when you see a pretty egg?
- Egg sighting
2) what do you call it when a really annoying egg is quiet?
- Egg silent
3) what do you call it when a really hyper egg holds still?
- Egg static
4) what do you call it when an egg wonders if there is a god?
- Egg nostic
The weather forecast is looking pretty bad over in Germany.
There's a high chance of heil.
I hit my head really hard on a glass window yesterday
It hurt me pretty bad, Maybe that's why they call it window pane
I got a job at the zoo doing elephant circumcisions...
The pays pretty bad but the tips are huge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
I tried training for the Samaritans once.
But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.
-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, 'Mom, you still awake?'
My friend was a pretty good guitarist
But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.
I have this yearly fundraising going on...
So, I have this yearly fundraising going on. Every year in november I take 70€ and donate them to a poor game developer. As a little thank you, they give me a shooter game, every year. But throughout the last years, these games became worse and worse. Many of my friends could not understand, why I wasted 70€ every year, but it was a tradition to me.
So this year again, I continued this tradition and to my uttermost suprise, the shooter I got this year, was pretty nice.
Or in other words: The new CoD isn't all that bad
The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now
So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.
She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.
I felt pretty bad about breaking up with my girlfriend in a text
But I felt even worse watching her read it.
In my defense, what kind of woman checks her phone during her sister's wedding service?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm pretty bad at playing the harmonica
Quite often I blow at it, but sometimes I just plain s**...
Quentin Tarantino went fishing, and he almost landed a pretty good catch. Unfortunately, it got away because his footing was extremely bad.
Seems he was slipping in glorious bass turds.
I've been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt.
I'm having some pretty bad Bach pains.
I want to visit the Shetland Islands
...but the weather's pretty bad up there. I'm told that's why they're a little hoarse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man returns home after getting his testresults
-How did it go? asks his wife
He gives a huge sigh and says - Pretty bad, everything was negative, well, except for the h**...-test
What did one tree say to the other?
Nothing trees cant talk.
Yea I know that's a pretty bad dad joke. Its apparent. Just like paper its tearable.
Ok I'm done.
My roommate went and got her hair done yesterday...
When she came home she immediately starts telling me how bad the hairdresser messed up. Dead hair, something was on for too long, blah blah blah. Well, she was really upset about it and kept bringing it up. So she says, "It's really a bummer because I spent so much money on something that I don't even like." So I said to her pretty seriously, "Well, then why don't you sue her."
She looked at me, kind of incredulous that I would suggest something so severe, so I continued, "For defamation of hair-acter."
Did you hear about the musician who was being bad?
Well, I don't quite remember what he did, but he was in pretty big treble!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be g**... but they were actually pretty good.
Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.
What do you call the place where bad noodles live?
The Spaghetto
What do you call noodles who can't remember anything?
Forgetti
I'd like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.
I hope my internet points don't take a hit too, that would cost me a pretty penne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dirty dead baby jokes?
My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after s**....
Orion's Belt
You know what I think of Orion's Belt? I think it's a waste of space.
Okay, that was a pretty bad joke. I'll give it three stars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what they say about cliffhangers
...
The conclusion often takes too long to arrive, so people lose interest and is often really disappointing when it eventually arrives. They are overall a pretty bad idea and anyone who uses one is a big fool.
Looking at my score, I think I failed the math test but it's hard to tell
I'm pretty bad with numbers.