pret Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pret puns

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back


I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese

made a language entirely out of tattoos.


Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.


I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman

Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?


I've got a pretty long Police record....

It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"


I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore

I keep seeing the same jokes on here


I know pretty well how batteries must feel

I'm rarely ever included in things either.


I'm pretty sober.

But I'm prettier drunk.


I'm pretty sure Jesus was Italian

Because only an Italian mother could think her son was a god.
And only an Italian son could think his mother was a virgin.


Pretty sure my cock is magical. [NSFW]

Every time it gets hard, my wife gets too sleepy to fuck.


How to tell if you are old?

Pretend to fall down. If people laugh, you are not old yet.


a pretty bad joke my dad once told me

what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?



It must be pretty bad being the wife of a suicide bomber...

Because if they come home after work, they've had a bad day.


So I have a pretty good fathers day joke

Can't wait to tell my dad when he finally brings the milk home


It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.

Poor Chris Pratt


Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."


The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"


This pretty girl walked up to a Neanderthal, winked and said in a sexy voice Hey… is it true what they say about Neanderthal guys?

The Neanderthal screeches a high-pitched YES!! IT IS!!! Then smashes her brains in.


I'm pretty great with money.

Folks keep calling me and telling me my accounts are outstanding.


It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"


What does a pretentious owl say?

Whom whom.


I was pretty sure my girlfriend didn't have AIDS...

but now I'm positive.


I'm a pretty neutral guy.

I find it hard to choose sides.

I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke.


I went on a pretty crazy camping trip last weekend.

It was in tents.


I get pretty horny when someone disses me over the Internet.

I always get e-rekt.


I was pretty upset when I heard clocks get set ahead an hour...

Oh well. Not worth losing sleep over it.


I'm getting pretty worried, my girlfriend hasn't gotten her period yet.

And she's already 14.


Let's pretend

A man and woman, strangers to each other, were assigned to the same sleeper car for an overnight train trip. Because it was late and both were very tired, they agreed to accept what fate had dealt them. The man took the upper berth, and the woman crawled into the lower berth. In the middle of the night, it became awfully chilly, and the man gently awakened the woman to ask whether she would get him another blanket from the storage area. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we are married." "Wow!" the man replied. "That's a great idea." "Good," said the woman. "Get your own blanket."


You know what's pretty much the same as 9/11?



Sometimes I like to pretend I am a cat

...and ignore my wife until it is dinner time


Pretend You're a Statue...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked
it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."


A pretty poor man man walks into a bar.

He goes and sits at the bar before turning to the bar man.

'I only got a pound on me mate, anything I can get with that?'

'No,' says the bar man. 'But you can attempt a challenge for free drinks for the rest of the night.'

The poor man was up for it.

'Ok, so I'm gonna hook you up to this lie detector and you gotta try and make it get the wrong answer.' The bar man instructed.

So the poor man got hooked up to the lie detector.

'Off you go,' said the bar man.

'This lie detector will tell you that this is a lie.'

Nobody survived the following explosion.


Its pretty annoying how women complain about having 1 baby in their stomach

I have like a million in my ballsack and im not complaining.


You're so pretty that words can't even describe.

But numbers can: 6/10


How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?



What are the most funny Pret jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pret? Well, here are the best Pret dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pret pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes