Presumed Dead Jokes
6 presumed dead jokes and hilarious presumed dead puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about presumed dead that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Charming Humor Presumed Dead Jokes with Loads of Fun
What is a good presumed dead joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
How is a toddler like a cell phone?
If you can't find it within three days, you can presume it's dead.
A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...
The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."
The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!?"
So godzilla walks into a bar...
The entire building is destroyed. 23 people are missing and presumed dead.
A joke
A couple had 100 kids, and because they weren't very good at naming, decided to name them after the number they were born as (1, 2, 3, 4 etc.). One day in a tragic accident, all of them died, except 90.
90 grew up and had their own family, and one day, their kids found a dog. They asked 90 if they could keep the dog, but 90 said no. The children decided to keep the dog in secret, and named the dog 'This', so that they could talk about This without 90 knowing.
However, one day, This had disappeared, and was presumed dead. The children were very sad, but didn't tell 90, or anyone, as to not get in trouble.
So really, on 90's kids will remember This
A hearse was involved in a car accident
One presumed dead at the scene.
A defendant was on trial for m**... in Philadelphia.
There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed.
Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
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