Pressure Jokes

Tired of the same old jokes? Look no further than this article for a fresh set of pressure-themed jokes. Get ready to laugh at different types of pressure, such as air pressure, peer pressure, blood pressure, and more. Get the low-down on how pollution is linked to pressure, and how the temperature is measured in relation to pressure.

Rib-Tickling Pressure Jokes that Bring Friends Together

Regal Proceedings

If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.

So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.

I heard the titanic got a new job...

She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.

I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.

Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock

But I don't give into pier pressure.

The wedding night

A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to sex to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious sex after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of sex. Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"

jokes about pressure

neil diamond........

Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't take off your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

They say there's no opinions in science

But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry

And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering

Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?

Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map

You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology

You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.

Pressure joke, They say there's no opinions in science

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure.

So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman.

"And what is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

You can explore pressure celsius reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pressure press dad jokes. There are also pressure puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A group of people asked me to make a joke about barometers

but I couldn't handle the pressure

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!

Woman: No I am Sarah James. No one tells me anything here.

What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

Women are like the salt of my life

They raise my blood pressure

I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor

I couldn't handle the pressure.

Pressure joke, I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor

I don't believe in peer pressure.

Unless my friends do...

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change

In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.

A guy goes to the doctor...

The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating."

The guy says "Why?"

The doctor says "...because I'm trying to take your blood pressure."

Why did the boat want to stay close to the shore?

Pier pressure

Why is being an astronaut such an easy job?

No pressure.

I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume

No pressure

Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?

Atmospheric Pressure.

Never trust an atom

when the pressure is on, they split.

Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer?

No pressure

Pressure joke, Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer?

You know what sucks?

Negative Pressure

I got a job interview as an under-water welder..

Interviewer: so how would you describe yourself?
Me : well I'd say i work well under pressure

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

What's the best part about being 100 years old?

No peer pressure.

I never really used to enjoy peer pressure

But then my friends got me into it.

A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out

Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.

One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?

The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.

Cursed?

Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it's because of pier pressure.

At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said "I didn't know that one but I would have a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody."

Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

Was once asked on a job interview if I could perform under pressure.

Me: Well I don't know about that, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a try.

At a recent job interview, the hiring manager

asked me if I can perform under pressure.

I said no, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody.

I can never come up with shower thoughts....

As soon as the water hits me, I feel the pressure.

Before he died, my grandfather's last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That's a lot of pressure.

My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure.

He prescribed two IKEA self-assembly wardrobes.

At a job interview I was asked if I can perform under pressure...

I told them no, but I'm really good at Bohemian Rhapsody.

A diver is applying a job

Hiring manager: what is your ability?

Diver: i can work under pressure

Oldy repurposed

Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"

I was going to tell you a joke about peer pressure...

...but my friends talked me out of it.

So Betsy DeVos resigned...

I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.

If you apply enough heat and pressure to Kid Rock...

he turns into Neil Diamond.

A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.

A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"

The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.

"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"

Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.

"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.

A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."

He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."

My wife asked me why I was yelling at the pot of water on the stove.

I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.

A Doctor, a Lawyer, and a Meteorologist are at a bar.

At some point later that night they reached a 2nd bar. The meteorologist turned and looked at the doctor and lawyer saying; this is too much pressure for me right now.

Did you know that, with enough pressure, the human lung will burst like a balloon?

Anyway, I lost my medical license today.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year old woman.

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?", the reporter asks.

She simply answers, "No peer pressure."

You know when things are getting bad when people only want their kids to live a long and healthy life they will enjoy...

And you have to wonder how their children are going to handle the pressure of those unrealistic expectations?

I hired a monk to redo my bathroom floors, and he put me under an immense amount of pressure.

It was tile by friar.

This sub could do with more Geology jokes

No pressure.

Russian health tips

-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness...."

I just left my position as tire pump salesman

Couldn't handle the pressure...

Why do men fart more often than women?

Because women don't close their mouths long enough to build up the pressure.

Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more

I asked for 120/80 blood pressure

The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volumeβ€”Boyle's Law.

Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.

β€”-Cole's Law.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pressure blood pressure puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pressure pressure cooker piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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