President Jokes
172 president jokes and hilarious president puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about president that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends and family laugh with the best President Jokes! From beloved presidents like President Reagan, FDR and POTUS, there’s something for everyone in this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes. Get ready to share some laughs!
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- Short President Jokes
- President One Liners
- President Obama Jokes
- Elected President Jokes
- President Elect Jokes
- President Day Jokes
- President Reagan Jokes
- More President Jokes
Funniest President Short Jokes
Short president jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The president humour may include short presidency jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- Trump might finally get what he wants the most He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- "How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?" Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
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President One Liners
Which president one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with president? I can suggest the ones about chairman and executive.
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
- You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
- My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
- A girlfriend is like a good US president I'd love to have one
- Gabe Newell should be president That way we'd never have WW3.
- joe Biden is not my president!! At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
- There's a term for Presidents like Trump.. Probably not *two* terms though...
- Can a woman be the president of Russia? No because Putin is not a woman
- What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand? A microwave.
- Someone asked President Biden, "Boxers or briefs?" He said, "Depends."
- Which president is least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He is in a cent
- President Joe Biden just had a meeting with the Cabinet. Now he's talking with the couch
- How do you begin a politically incorrect joke? President Ben Franklin walks into a bar...
- Oprah could be the next President. Black is the new Orange.
President Obama Jokes
Here is a list of funny president obama jokes and even better president obama puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
- So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency. Welcome back President Obama we missed you.
- It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles.. At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.
- Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?
- TRUMP IS NOT MY PRESIDENT Neither was Obama. Actually I live in India.
- The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile. Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11 - You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly... Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.
- Why did Obama get two terms as President? Because every black man gets a longer sentence.
- Why does Japan love Obama? He is first Barack president.
- Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs? It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!
Elected President Jokes
Here is a list of funny elected president jokes and even better elected president puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
- In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled... but we shouldn't elect them President.
- No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
- Say what you like about Donald Trump.. But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
- If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.
- Election Day Drinking Game: Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
President Elect Jokes
Here is a list of funny president elect jokes and even better president elect puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
- I don't want to make a political joke It might get elected as president of the United States
- What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States? We wouldn't have to pay her as much.
- It shouldn't be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump It's always darkest before Don
- The CEO of IKEA was elected as president of Sweden I hear he's still assembling his cabinet
- With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was. I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.
- Why did the Ukraine elect a comedian as president? They needed someone who could turn even a Russian invasion into a joke
- Cheer up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
- The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020. That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III.
- Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States? So there won't be a World War III.
President Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny president day jokes and even better president day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character And not the President of the United States.
- I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.
- What's the best thing about being Joe Biden? Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.
- 60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for... Coronavirus for president!
- 69 more days left in the Trump Presidency. Nice.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Trump. Trump who? Exactly. Happy Trumps Not President Anymore Day!
- Why can't you trust the President? Because he Lysol day.
- Dad: When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked miles to school, uphill, in the snow, every day. Son: Yeah?! Well when Abraham Lincoln was your age, Dad, he was president!
- Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to fire and he'll run for president.
- We have essentially Elected 4chan for the 45th president of the United States. This is a day that will go down in Infameme.
President Reagan Jokes
Here is a list of funny president reagan jokes and even better president reagan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Presidents Kennedy and Reagan have in common? They both failed because they went with the top down.
- What did the ghost of Ronald Reagan tell Donald Trump after he assumed the presidency? Hair down this wall.
Uproarious President Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about president you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean senator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make president pranks.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!
The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
A Russian spy, a s**... predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling The president is an idiot
Police surround him and handcuff him. They say it is i**... to insult President Putin
He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting
The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.
"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."
"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.
"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."
"That's excellent! Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! What's the bad the news?"
The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir."
Who won the presidential debate last night?
People who didn't watch
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
A s**... predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
President Biden has called for full legalization of m**...
Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.
A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".
Then Ok!
Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."
President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.
Solid, liquid and gas.
Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff. Remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"
Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.
I did and we do.
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
I love politically incorrect jokes, and here is my favourite.
Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
Normally I hate those t**..., fake, rigged reality TV shows...
But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.
Vladimir Putin visits a school...
He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!".
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump
but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton
Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday...
I'm starting to believe him.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that
If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban
If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
Why is president Zelensky still in Kiev?
His humongous b**... keep getting stuck in the doorway.
Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister?
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?
2nd place in a presidential election.
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
Hillary and Bill sneak away from the secret service
Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk.
Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you
Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy!
Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States
~ Courtesy of my father
Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman
But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office...
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.
Trump: What's the time difference between Washington and Berlin ?
Secretary: Just a second, Mr. President…
Trump: Thanks
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
What's the difference between Ukraine and Russia?
Ukraine's president is a comedian.
Russia's president is a clown.
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
