The Best 65 President Jokes
Following is our collection of funny President jokes. There are some president hillary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these president presidential puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest President Jokes and Puns
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The urine belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....
....Like the words President Bush.
Say what you like about Donald Trump..
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton
Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman
But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"
Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday...
I'm starting to believe him.
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
If someone tries to shoot the President...
The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled...
but we shouldn't elect them President.
Gabe Newell should be president
That way we'd never have WW3.
Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister?
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.
I did and we do.
Secret Service no longer yells Get down, Mr President any more when the President is under attack
Now they yell Donald, duck
My parents told me ANYONE could become president.
I didn't know it was a warning.
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning....
We'll return him back to you.
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
A girlfriend is like a good US president
I'd love to have one
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?
Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!
The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
You have to give President Trump credit
Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
Trump might finally get what he wants the most
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
Joe Biden is not my president!!
At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump
but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Johnny: I don't know miss
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies
Johnny: Please miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes
Johnny: Do u know Angela?
Teacher: No, Why?
Johnny: You need to focus more on your husband!
I once ran for class president against a boy with terminal cancer
I know I lost to the simpathy vote, although in retrospective I did run a very negative campaign
"Vote for me, I won't abandon you in 2 months"
The first female president is being sworn in.
Her Jewish mother is sitting in the second row next to a Supreme Court Justice, watching. The judge leans over and says, "Madam, you must be VERY proud."
The mother says, "Well, you see that girl with her hand on the Bible? Her brother's a doctor."
The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.
So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.
"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."
The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who will be the superpower 100 years from today?"
The computer goes silent for a minute, then prints out a paper which the Russian president takes.
"So?" asks Bob. "What does it say?"
"I have no idea," replied the Russian president. "It is written in Chinese"
A death toll too high to imagine
On September 29th 2006 President George W. Bush receives a briefing from one of his staff
"Mr. President, we've just received reports of a commercial plane crash in south America, 154 Brazilian people died."
"Oh my God, that's terrible..." The president replies solemnly, thinking quietly to himself.
"Wait... How much is a Brazilian?"
Ronald Reagan asks a mathematician: "What is two plus two?"
The mathematician replies "Four, Mr President."
Unsatisfied, Reagan asks a statistician. "What is two plus two?"
The statistician says "Based on our research, most people think it's between 3.8 and 4.3."
Still unsatisfied, Reagan asks an economist: "What is two plus two?"
"What do you want it to be, Mr President?"
The American and the Russian
Originally told by U.S. President Reagan in one of his speeches:
>An American and a Russian(before the fall of the Soviet Union) were bragging to one another.
>
>
>American: We have a lot of freedom of speech. We can just go to the White House, barge in the President's office and say: "Mr President, I don't like the way you are running this country!"
>
>
>Russian: That's nothing - we can also go to the Kremlin, barge in Gorbachev's office and say: "Mr General Secretary, I don't like the way President Reagan is running his country!"
The CEO of IKEA was elected as president of Sweden
I hear he's still assembling his cabinet
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the president presidency jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working president smartest president ever piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.