The Best 65 President Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest President jokes. There are some president hillary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these president presidential puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny President Jokes and Puns
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
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One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The urine belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....
....Like the words President Bush.
I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president
Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted
Say what you like about Donald Trump..
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton
Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman
But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"
Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday...
I'm starting to believe him.
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
If someone tries to shoot the President...
The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled...
but we shouldn't elect them President.
Gabe Newell should be president
That way we'd never have WW3.
Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister?
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.
I did and we do.
Secret Service no longer yells Get down, Mr President any more when the President is under attack
Now they yell Donald, duck
My parents told me ANYONE could become president.
I didn't know it was a warning.
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning....
We'll return him back to you.
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
A girlfriend is like a good US president
I'd love to have one
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?
Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!
The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
You have to give President Trump credit
Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
Trump might finally get what he wants the most
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
Joe Biden is not my president!!
At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
Thank you President Trump..
..for improving my vocabulary. I would have never known the meaning of sedition, insurrection, quid pro quo, colluding, etc without you!
Father to his young son: You should be ashamed. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.
Son responds: Really? Well, when he was your age, he was president.
How long will it be before Kamala Harris becomes president?
I don't know, but for now, she's just Biden her time.
In honor of Trump's last night as president, tonight I'll be making...
Lame Duck A L'Orange, and for dessert, ImPEACHment Cobbler.
Knock knock. Who's there? Trump. Trump who?
Exactly. Happy Trumps Not President Anymore Day!
The wife and I were getting frisky this morning and I asked her to use her hand to make me feel good
...so she counted out the number of hours left until Trump is no longer President.
Friend: I think I have a crush on the president and the first lady.
Me: You are bi-den?
President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were being shown separately around an experimental farm
When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day."
Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."
When the President came by the henhouse, the guide dutifully told him what his wife had said.
"Same hen every time?" the President asked.
"Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time."
The President nodded his head. "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the president presidency jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working president smartest president ever piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.