Following is our collection of chairman puns and hillary one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including President jokes for adults, dirty impeachment jokes and clean presidential dad gags for kids.
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?
Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
We'll return him back to you.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
I did and we do.
I didn't know it was a warning.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
I'd love to have one
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
The 45th President of the United States of America.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
A full recovery
I'm starting to believe him.
Now they yell Donald, duck
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
....Like the words President Bush.
but we shouldn't elect them President.
Because orange is the new black.
But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
That way we'd never have WW3.
and Trump can not tell the difference
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The urine belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted
Although I'm not entirely sure rotating people through the cabinet counts as creating jobs but the effort is certainly present.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
There is an abundance of presidency jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes and president puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any smartest president ever witze you can hear about president.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.