President Bush Jokes
85 president bush jokes and hilarious president bush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about president bush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest President Bush Short Jokes
Short president bush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The president bush humour may include short george bush jokes also.
- If hillary clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles.. At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.
- Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind.
- How did President Bush know that iraq had weapons of mass destruction? Well he kept the receipts.
- What do you call it when one president comes in and another president comes out? Barbara's bush
- An actual quote by President George Bush "The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
- It is important to remember that Bill Clinton Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.
- BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush." - Bill Clinton really likes Obama's new portrait. Now he's not the only President who has been surrounded by Bushes.
- I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete But I think that's setting a bad president
Share These President Bush Jokes With Friends
President Bush One Liners
Which president bush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with president bush? I can suggest the ones about george w bush and bush.
- Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes
- If President Clinton had a show it would be called... Between two Bushes
- Where does President Clinton come? On a blue dress between two bushes.
- There's a Bush and a Clinton running for president next year.
- Where was Bill Clinton during his presidency? He was right between the Bushes.
- A test have been filled by living presidents consisting of 11 points Bush did 9/11
- Why did President H W Bush finally give up? He was Bushed.
- Will moses be at the president's cremation? To witness another burning bush.
- The 41st US president hired a barber for his family His job was to trim the bushes
- If Jeb Bush doesn't win the presidency, he should release a rap album. 'Jebs and Flows.'
- What do you call President Bush melting steel beams? A counter argument.
- Why did George W. Bush cross the road? To ask his dad how to run the presidency.
- What would ISIS be if George Bush was still president? WASWAS
- I know Jeb Bush will be President... because I bought a bag of oreo cookies today.
- President Bush's speech on the 10th Anniversary of Katrina Brownie did a heck of a job!
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful President Bush Jokes
What funny jokes about president bush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jeb bush jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make president bush pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest c**... factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those s**... Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a c**... company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the president of the c**... company.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"
George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan.
The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side."
Bush interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"
The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"
Pres says "You think we’re s**... boy?"
"We made copies of all the receipts!"
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.
The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds. "Two presidents in my bar in one day; this is the highlight of my life" the barman gushes.
Then the orange man walks up to the bar. The barman immediately tells him to get out of the bar. Furiously, he asks why and the barman exclaims "Ted; you just got a new liver last week. Your wife would kill me if I gave you a drink."
One day bush went jogging...
One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you.
The first boy said, Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!
I'll personally hand it to you, said Bush. I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos, the second boy said.
I'll buy them myself and give them to you, said Bush. And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it, said the third boy.
I'll personally … wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!
No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.
Little Billy
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.Then he decided to write God a letter request $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to weite a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy
abortion bill
President Bush is sitting in the oval office when a secretary comes in and hands him a slip of paper. Bush asks what it is, and the secretary replies "it's the abortion bill. What do you want to do with it?" "Just go ahead and pay it".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have yourself a laugh on my cake day!
An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.
"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents."
The President nodded his head patriotically.
"There were some losses on our end, however." The aide continued. "We lost a US h**... with four soldiers in it to an IED outside of Tekrit, and 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a crossfire in Baghdad."
The president nodded solemnly with the news of the h**..., but his face was ashen by the end of the sentence, and he buried his face in his hands. The aide looked startled, "Sir, what's the matter."
With scared eyes, the president looked up and mumbled "How many is a brazilian?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
George Bush is being briefed about world news overnight...
...by his men, 'Mr President, there's been a plane c**... in Australia, two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in action, a major bushfire....' George Bush interrupts and says, 'hang on, did you just say two Brazilian soldiers have been killed???!!!'
To which the man replies, 'That's correct Mr President...'
'Oh my... that's absolutely terrible!' says Bush.
The man, looking rather confused says, 'Sir, they've been far worse accidents than this, it's just two Brazilian soldiers...'
President Bush frowns and says, 'Wait... how many in a brazilian?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado...
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
A teacher was arrested because he attempted to board a flight while possessing a ruler, protractor, and calculator...
(sorry it's *slightly* outdated but funny nonetheless)
A teacher was arrested because he attempted to board a flight while possessing a ruler, protractor, and calculator. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man's a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man's been charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a problem for us, Gonzales said. Its followers desire solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns,' but we've determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, with coordinates in every country.
When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush said, If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He'd have given us more fingers and toes. Aides told reporters they couldn't recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
G.W.Bush - Dyslexic?
After many speech errors, mispronunciations, apparent Freudian slips, rumors began to swirl that President Bush may be dyslexic. At a press conference the following month, one journalist found the courage to ask "Mr. President, is there any truth the the current rumor that you are, in fact, dyslexic?" To which he emphatically replied, "ON!"
50th Anniversary Tour
This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush
Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush - "What buildings? What people?"
Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"
Bush - "It's eight in the morning."
Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Former President George W. Bush was giving his speech when suddenly...
... an anti-Bush campaign leader ran to the platform and said "I hate you! I hate America because of you!". Before security had any time to respond, the guy pulled out a syringe and stabbed Pres. Bush on the arm and said "Ha! That was my blood inside the syringe! And I have AIDS! Goodbye, Bush!"
After the commotion, Pres. Bush was surprisingly calm. The media asked him "So, are you ok? You have AIDS now! What are you gonna do?"
Pres. Bush replied "Ow, don't worry about that. I have protection - I'm was wearing a c**... when he stabbed me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to c**....
A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to c**..., but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped.
The 3rd passenger, Hillary Clinton, says to Bernie Sanders "Take the last parachute."
Bernie says, "It's ok Hillary, there is a parachute for both of us. The
world's smartest man just took my backpack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you push George W Bush into a vat of concrete.
It would set a very bad president.
did you hear that a former US president bought out a convenience store chain?
Bush did 7/11
Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president?
A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four former U.S. presidents...
Four former U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island...
...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies."
So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence building. By the time they finish, the Japanese guy still isn't back. The other two start to get worried, so they decide to go in after them. When they're a good way into the jungle, the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"
With Jeb Bush's family heritage of presidents
He needs to watch out and not get a hedge of himself.
The presidential footrace
Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.
I really hope Hillary Clinton doesn't become our next president....
I don't think i can handle another bush in office.
Moses Meets Dubya
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If we could be stuffed by a president...
..it would have happened in the bushes.
Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents
Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States
-Eisenhower
-Kennedy
-Johnson
-Nixon
-Ford
-Carter
-Reagan
-Bush
-Clinton
-GW Bush
-Obama
But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump
The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie
So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...
...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.
Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.
In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"
Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."
President Bush, three Brazilian soldiers were just killed.
President Bush: "That's terrible. Brazil is one of our closest allies."
The Bush family asked Dan Quayle to be a pallbearer.
So he can let the late President down one last time.
God and it's Presidents
God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again.
Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God
God asks Bush: What do you believe in? Bush answers: I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation! Very well , says God. Come sit to my right.
Next, God asks Obama: What do you believe in? Obama answers: I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all. Good , says God. You shall sit to my left.
Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in?
Trump answers: I believe you're sitting in my chair.
In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
Then Donald Trump came and said Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!
American presidents are on a sinking ship!
Ford says: What do we do?
Bush says: Man the lifeboats!
Reagan says: What lifeboats?
Carter says: Women and children first!
Nixon says: Screw the women!
Clinton says: You think we have time?
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."
