Preside Jokes
137 preside jokes and hilarious preside puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about preside that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Preside Short Jokes
Short preside jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The preside humour may include short govern jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- Trump might finally get what he wants the most He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- "How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?" Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
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Preside One Liners
Which preside one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with preside? I can suggest the ones about supervisor and preacher.
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
- You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
- My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
- A girlfriend is like a good US president I'd love to have one
- Gabe Newell should be president That way we'd never have WW3.
- joe Biden is not my president!! At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
- There's a term for Presidents like Trump.. Probably not *two* terms though...
- Can a woman be the president of Russia? No because Putin is not a woman
- What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand? A microwave.
- Someone asked President Biden, "Boxers or briefs?" He said, "Depends."
- Which president is least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He is in a cent
- President Joe Biden just had a meeting with the Cabinet. Now he's talking with the couch
- How do you begin a politically incorrect joke? President Ben Franklin walks into a bar...
- Oprah could be the next President. Black is the new Orange.
Silly & Ridiculous Preside Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about preside you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean commander jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make preside pranks.
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
President Trump just compared impeachment to being lynched.
If you are expecting an apology he will leave you hanging.
President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression...
...since the deaths of amy winehouse and Whitney Houston.
President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...
...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"
Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?
He wasn't very good at taking shots.
Where does the president keep his armies?
in his sleevies!!!
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
Which president was the most logical?
Lincoln. He made the most cents.
Which President can play the harpsichord?
Baroque Obama.
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
What does the president of Russia call his toilet?
Vladimir's p**... Tin
I like my presidents like I like my slaves
Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with "I ran"
The president visits a military base
He asks a solider stationed there what vehicles he's looking at. The Solider replies "Tanks Obama"
Do you know what the President said to Michelle when he proposed?
I don't wanna be Obama self.
The President of Nintendo Died...
The ambulance went WII U, WII U, WII U
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
"Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."
"Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"
President Reagan and his wife were at a state dinner
and the waiter asked her what she wanted for her entree. She said, "I'll have the chicken". The waiter asked, "what about the vegetable?" She replied, "He'll have the beef"
Presidential clock
After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!"
If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...
And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
The president of a popular mail-order business just died.
The f**... will be held in 3 - 5 business days.
This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".
"Whoever wins... We lose."
The U.S. presidency is like my ex.
Anyone can get in.
What is President Clinton's favourite game?
s**... the leader.
The presidential footrace
Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.
So far 42 out of 43 presidents actually ran for office.
FDR just kind of rolled himself in there.
The president of EA walks into a bar
For $2 you can download the punchline
After the presidential debate, they debate about the debate.
Mind Blown
Who was the last President of China?
Yes he was.
The next President of the United States.
The joke is in the title , but it makes me cry.
I would like to thank President Donald Trump on behalf of my wife...
suddenly the thousands I invested into Canadian dating sites wasn't so worthless after all.
If the President rides equestrian without a saddle, what do you call the animal he's on?
Bare Horse One.
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?
Nukes... You're fired!
The President-Elect has recently begun learning how to play bridge with the help of master bridge players. it turns out, the President-Elect's plays are far superior to those of his peers. In other words...
Trump's trumps trump Trump's trumps' trumps.
Why did President Trump cross the road?
"I didn't cross the road. I have never crossed the road. More lies of the MSM. Sad!"
Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump
The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!
Which President had the shortest term?
Grover Cleveland.
He was the twenty second President.
Trump's presidency is historic...
He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.
The president of Russia is the greatest of them all!
There's no disPutin it
I think that the president and his cabinet listened to Pink Floyd
"We don't need no education" -Devos
"All in all its just another brick in the wall" -Trump
President of South Korea Impeached.
Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry
He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating
"I would like to make raisins Grape again"
The president, a business man, and a national security leak walk into a bar...
... and order a drink. The bartender pours one beer and says, "Here you go, Mr Trump."
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
President Trump Calls His First Trip Abroad a 'Home Run'
Now he can jump on his golf cart and run all the bases
The president is a closet communist
He likes to seize the means of reproduction.
President Clinton shows up to Air Force One
President Clinton shows up to Air Force One with a pig under each arm.
The Marine sergeant, salutes him and shouts: "Nice pigs, sir"
Clinton looks at him and says: "I'll have you know these are genuine Arkansas razorbacks! I got one for Chelsea and one for Hillary. What do you think about that?"
The sergeant salutes again and shouts: "Nice trade, sir."
If The US presidency was a TV show
It would be "Orange is the new black"
The US president debates the U.K. prime minister and no one knows who will win.
Trump may trump May, May may trump Trump
President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."
".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"
How does the president like his spaghetti
Al presi-dente
If President Clinton had a show it would be called...
Between two Bushes
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
Why did the president and his entourage drown?
"Fake canoes."
Why didn't the president of India do anything about the bread shortage?
It was a naan-issue
The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world
The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"
Do you know which president has the cleanest record
Lincoln, he was in a cent
Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...
He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
The president of the United States is going to debate the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Nobody is sure who is going to win. In other words...
Trump may trump May. May may trump Trump.
President Trump goes to get a brain MRI
Trump: So, doc, what's wrong?
Doc: Well, on your right there's nothing left. And on your left there's nothing right.
The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."
"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."
Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."
"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.
"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."
Where does President Clinton come?
On a blue dress between two bushes.
President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.
the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.
Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11
Neither President Obama nor President Trump has done anything for the people of Mississippi.
For example, they still live there.
Where does the president go during an immigration crisis?
Hispanic room.
What is President Trump's least favorite rock band?
Foreigner.
The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president s**..." on the lawn.
Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.
Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The u**... was the Vice Presidents".
The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"
The head of the FBI says,"The handwriting was the First Lady's".
Where does the president of the sharks live?
In the Great White House.
Which is the president that never gets the joke
George w. Woosh
PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.
If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your a**..., and c**... on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.
So President Trump got into his Bunker because of the Riots.
As a german Guy I can say from experience that from this moment its not getting any better.
So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency.
Welcome back President Obama we missed you.
How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.
''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''
"I have never lied to the American people."
"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."
President Trump just banned shredded cheeses.
He wants to Make America Grate Again
President Trump treated Biden likely how he treats Melania.
He never lets either of them finish.
