Present Jokes

Funniest Present Short Jokes

Short present jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The present humour may include short presence jokes also.

1. A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
   Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
2. I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
3. I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
4. What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
5. My friend just gave me a presentation on why I should invest in his sword making business. He made some excellent points.
6. Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
7. It's refreshing to see a President keeping his campaign promises. Although I'm not entirely sure rotating people through the cabinet counts as creating jobs but the effort is certainly present.
8. How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents…
9. "Give blood, give blood, give blood" everyone says... And then they're all freaked out when they unwrap their presents.
10. Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear? It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

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Present One Liners

Which present one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with present? I can suggest the ones about existent and exist.

1. Santa is nearby... I can sense his presents
2. Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents? Because he was on the Nautilus...
3. So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
4. What present can you give to the woman who has everything? Antibiotics.
5. Why is nostalgia like grammar? We find the present tense and the past perfect
6. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road? To get to the other slide
7. I bought my wife a book on Mindfulness... ... but she didn't appreciate the present.
8. Why didn't the rope get any presents this year? He was very knotty.
9. What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer? A boomerang.
10. What's the best way to start an underwear presentation? Start with a brief introduction.
11. The puzzle that I got as a present said 3-5 years I finished it in 20 minutes
12. The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas They have sensed our presents
13. Why is it impossible to sneak up on Santa? He can always feel your presents.
14. What's the best birthday present in the world? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
15. What does a slavemaster use to buy his slaves presents? Mastercard.

Christmas Present Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas present jokes and even better christmas present puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.
• Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
  ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
• How does Darth Vader know what he's getting for Christmas? He feels his presents
  (This is my only Christmas joke and I am deeply ashamed of that)
• Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
• What did the guy without hands get for christmas? We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet
• I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler
• Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear? Because he will always have bare feet.
• Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
• Darth Vader: "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke Skywalker: "How could you possibly know?"
  DV: "I have felt your presents."
• Why is it so hard to shop for Darth Vader for Christmas? Because he can feel your presents.

Birthday Present Jokes

Here is a list of funny birthday present jokes and even better birthday present puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.
• birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
• My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was "practically screaming out at her" That's the last time I buy her an orphan
• I dint know what to buy for my dad as his birthday present, so I gave him 100 dollars and told him to buy something that will make his life easier He bought something for my mum.
• I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I'm a fairly modern man But apparently, they don't make a great birthday present.
• Buddhist birthday wishes Forget the past, you cannot change it.
  Forget the future, you cannot know it.
  Forget the present, I didn't bring you one.
• Hey, cool name Thanks, it was a birthday present
• The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."
• I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet.... After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....
• Buying a hoarder a birthday gift has its ups and downs... On one hand, they already have everything. On the other, they'll always cherish your present.

Present Time Jokes

Here is a list of funny present time jokes and even better present time puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• 
  The next time your boss asks you to start your presentation with a joke... ...attach your payslip on the first slide.
• Bought my wife a clock for our anniversary Because, there's no present , like the time.
• When is the best time to open a gift? Right now.
  There's no time like the present.
• Time, of course, doesn't exist. There's no past, no present, no future. Just one constant pulsating moment. And that point, the guy said to me, "Just give me a rough idea of the time, mate."
• I have a special ability that lets me see both the past and future at the same time. Some say it's a gift, but I think of it as the present.
• Last night was the third time a girl walked out midway a date. Something's still wrong in my PowerPoint presentation.
• Christmas would be way easier if instead of giving everyone presents at one time, we divided up who received them, by say, the month of the year they were born. Oh wait
• Last time I saw a belly like that, I was given a stocking full of presents.
• Siri: The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
  I did have to ask for a joke in English, as the first time Siri said she would, but I wouldn't understand a joke in her language.
• Whenever I procrastinate on buying a gift, I just remind myself... There's no time like the present.

Past Present Future Jokes

Here is a list of funny past present future jokes and even better past present future puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it. So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
  It was tense.
• The past, present and the future started fighting. It was in*tense*
• Past, Future and Present Forget about the past, you can't change it.
  Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
  Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
• The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together. What a tense atmosphere.
• The Past, The Present, and The Future all went camping... How? They all stayed in seperate tents!
• There's a company that recycles old or abandoned camping gear left behind at festivals and gives them to charities and the homeless.... They're called "Past Tents, Present Tents and Future Tents".
• It was fun watching a Christmas carol. The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future were great. It was in tense.
• If you're giving a gift, what two things can you never put in the present? the past and the future
• Buddha said: do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. But Christmas morning IS in the future.
• Future, Present and Past were having an argument It was getting pretty tense

Present Simple Jokes

Here is a list of funny present simple jokes and even better present simple puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
  The student: I walk. You walk ....
  The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
  The student: I run. You run ...

Comedy Present Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about present you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean current jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make present pranks.