Prescribed Doctor Jokes

87 prescribed doctor jokes and hilarious prescribed doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prescribed doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Best Short Prescribed Doctor Jokes

Short prescribed doctor puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prescribed doctor humour may include short prescribed jokes also.

  1. My doctor prescribed me medicines for dailysex. But my girlfriend keeps telling me, its for dyslexia.
  2. My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure. He prescribed two IKEA self-assembly wardrobes.
  3. Stop saying no to drugs You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.
  4. It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers... I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
  5. Doctor please Doctor: "I'm afraid you're going to have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life."
    Patient: "But you only prescribed 7 pills!"
    Doctor: "Exactly!"
  6. "I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said. "Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
  7. Satan went to the doctor because he felt he wasn't evil enough for the current times…. After his check up the doctor prescribed to him some meta-sin.
  8. Remedy "Doctor, you prescribed me this strengthening remedy last week."
    "Yeah, what about it?"
    "I can't open the bottle."
  9. I got jet lag on my last trip to Paris... The French doctor prescribed me something to keep track of time: Queloratil.
  10. My doctor prescribed me Adderall to help my concentration and frustration. The only problem is that... now I'm super concentrated on my frustrations.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about prescribed doctor can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of prescribed doctor puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Prescribed Doctor One Liners

Which prescribed doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prescribed doctor? I can suggest the ones about doctors prescribe and medical doctor.

  1. My doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream... Now all I want to do is rub it in.
  2. My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It's called Enditol.
  3. My doctor prescribed anti-gloating ointment. I can't wait to rub it in.
  4. What cold medicine does the starbucks-addicted doctor prescribe to his patience? Coughy
  5. What did a doctor prescribe to the depressed lesbian?? Tridickagain
  6. You know a yeast infection is bad when The doctor prescribes a herbacide.
  7. What did the doctor prescribe for the Internet troll with hypertension? Metoprolulz
  8. My doctor prescribed me for "dailysex", but... my girlfriend says it's just dyslexia.
  9. My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication it was a tough pill to s**...
  10. What did the doctor prescribe for the chronic addict? w**... everyday
  11. My doctor prescribed me rough daily s**... But my wife insists that it is "for dyslexia"
  12. smoking w**... All the w**... I smoke is prescribed by a doctor. Please don't call the cops.

Quirky and Hilarious Prescribed Doctor Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about prescribed doctor you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean doctor specialist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make prescribed doctor prank.

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "

What is wrong with you?"
Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this."
Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."

After some time I saw my doctor and he prescribed me a receipt, but he had prescribed me this receipt in the name of his mother Mrs. Ingrid, by mistake.
I didn´t notice it, took this receipt, went to the drug-store, gave the receipt to the pharmacist together with the insurance card with the name John on it.
The pharmacist took a look at me and has told me: "Dear, Mrs. Ingrid the name on the receipt doesn´t correspond with the name on the insurance card."

Chronic headaches treatment

A man visits a doctor about chronic headaches. The doctor prescribes some medication, and says to the man: "Stress is the source of your headaches. Myself, I do have a lot of stress, and there's nothing better than s**... with my wife. [laughing]". Finally, the doc schedules the man for a checkup visit the following month, and the man leaves.
Next month, the man returns, and the doctors inquires if his condition has changed. The man says: "The treatment you prescribed really made a difference. I feel like a new person. Thank you." The man, gets up and is about to exit. On the way out he says: "By the way doc, you have a beautiful home."

What doctors really thinking?

- This should be taken care of right away.

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?

He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.

I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.

Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.

The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.

My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

i was at the doctor's the other day....

i was sitting in the room when the doctor returned and said "i have to prescribe you a suppository". well i got up and right in his face and said "i'm not taking this sitting down!"

Went to the doctor today.

He wanted to know if the laxatives he prescribed worked. I told him it was close, but no cigar.

A man comes to a doctor and says...

— Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...
— I see, — replies the doctor, — I'll prescribe you a laxative.
— Will it help me fall asleep?
— Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.

A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..

A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical m**... for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

An old woman goes to the doctor...

and talks to him about a problem she is having.
"I have a terrible time with gas. Luckily, they are silent and scentless. In fact, I've f**... several times while I've been here. While it isn't ruining my day to day living, it is terribly embarrassing."
The doctor thinks a minute and prescribes her some medicine. "This should help. Come back in a week."
She starts taking the medicine, and a week later she returns distraught.
"Doctor, the problem has gotten much worse! Now when I pass gas, it smells awful!"
"Okay. Now that we've cleared out your sinuses, we can take care of your hearing..."

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some a**...'s got my pen."


A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease.

On the front it says, "Shake before use."

My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress.

It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all.

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"
Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"
Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea.

They're not the best medicine in the world, but they're right up there.

A comely woman goes to the doctor asking for help in reducing cat calls...

He prescribed her beta blockers.

a doctor prescribed "boredom procrastination" to his hypochondriac patients...

his diagnosis was a success.

Mr. Smith: Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?

Doctor: Yes, what's the matter?
Mr. Smith: I would like to use it but I can't open the bottle!

You know why doctors often prescribe illutation to older persons ?

So they get a foretaste of the earth.

Why did the doctor prescribe formic acid for a patient with heartburn?

Because it's an ant-acid.

Have you heard the new drug doctors are prescribing for depressed l**...?

It's called Tridickagain

Hear about the coma induced weight loss program prescribed by doctors?

They call it a *die*t.

I told my doctor I was getting really stressed out about my chronic constipation.

He prescribed me a relaxative.

Drug side effects

A man goes to a doctor, who prescribes him a medication. He asks if there are any side effects. The doctor says, "Of course there are, it's a drug. But they're all positive!"

A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing

The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.
After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.

My doctor prescribed me antidepressants and said they would change my outlook

I don't know how many different ways you can look at a half empty glass

A man went to see his doctor

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia".

An elderly lady goes to see the doctor about her flatulence.

Doctor, can you please help? I pass wind all the time. They don't smell, they don't make a sound, but I've f**... three times already since coming in here.
The Doctor prescribes some tablets and asks the lady to return in a week.
Doctor, help! My gas has gotten worse! They still don't make a sound but now they stink, it's disgusting!
The Doctor replies, Good, we've fixed your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing.

Best medicine

Patient approached a doctor for incessant cough and doctor prescribed laxative.
Assistant to doctor. Sir, you gave him laxative for cough.
Doctor: Yes, and now he'd think twice before coughing.

Doctor: Why did you take your medicine before the prescribed time?

Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

Obesity runs in my family.

An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

I went to the doctor today.

I couldn't eat any food because I had an ulcer in my mouth. The doctor prescribed medicines for me, to be eaten after food, 3 times a day.

Before prescribing erectile-distinction, medicine doctors often ask if one's heart is ready for s**.... That's actually really deep

What did Michael Scott say when the doctor prescribed him ibuprofen?

That's what she NSAID!

My marriage is falling apart and my wife is unhappy because I keep making fun of alligators

So my doctor prescribed my some pills and diagnosed me with "A reptile diss function."

Why didn't the doctor prescribe lisinopril for Snoopy's high blood pressure?

Ace inhibitors are contraindicated in Sopwith pilots.

My wife and I went to see a Psychologist.

She told the doctor about our son's hallucinations. He sees imaginary people all the time.
The doctor prescribed her pills and pulled me into a corner. "Divorce her through my wife's firm and I will count today's session FREE" were the words that came out of his mouth, explaining that she was hallucinating that we had a son. If only I was married...

My doctor prescribed me new drugs for my eye problem,

Now I see everything in High Definition

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup

Three days later the patient comes for a check up and the doctor asks Well? Are you still coughing?
The patient replies No. I'm afraid to.

A man goes to a vet with a sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick chihuahua to the vet. They're immediately taken back to the room.
Soon, a labrador walks in, sniffs the chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
"This must be a mistake." The man says. "I've been here only 20 minutes!"
"No mistake," the doctor says.
"It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the CAT scan, and $50 for the medicine."

A woman goes to the doctor and says, Could you please prescribe me something against my headaches?

OK, says the doctor, take this and come back in two weeks.
After two weeks, the lady is back and complains, I'm sorry doctor. I've been using this for the past two weeks, I followed the instructions on the package, but nothing happened.
The doctor is concerned, That's unusual Mrs Grimky, what were the instructions exactly?
Well, keep the lid tightly s**... on at all times.

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!
No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my s**... drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

A man sees his doctor for his f**... problems.

I've been f**... a lot lately, doc, says the man. I've actually f**... ten times since I've been in here. But they don't make any noise and they don't smell. Can you help me?
The doctor says, I think I see the problem. I'm going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take it and then come back and see me next week.
One week later, the man returns to the doctor's office. What did that medicine do to me, doc?! My farts smell horrible now!
The doctor says, Well, it looks like that medicine cleaned up your sinuses. Now let's get you a hearing aid.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

A man goes to the Doctor

and tells him he's been having terrible gas, but his farts don't smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition.
Yes! The man says. I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!
Great! Says the Doctor. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!

I told my doctor that I got a n**... reaction from applying the haemorrhoid cream he prescribed.

He asked where I had applied it.
I was on the bus.

So this woman had some heart troubles….

She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.
About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she's been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"
She says: "at my b**..."…

After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."

Woman goes to the doctor...

Doctor prescribed her some pills and she asks:
"Hey Doc., can I take these pills with my period?"
- Doc: "Ermm.... sure, but I'd recommend chugging them down with water!..."

A man has serious a Gas Problem.

Then he came to visit a doctor, saying he has a serious problem, but every time he farts there is no noise and Smell.
Then added " i have f**... 20 times while talking to you"
Then doctor prescribed some medicine and said to visit him after 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came to visit the doctor, saying that the medicine solved one problem. Everytime he farts, it has a serious bad smell, but still no noise. Your medicine didn't work
Then the doctor said, " medicine did worked it solved your nose problem, now i am prescribing new medicine for your hearing problem"

A man goes to a doctor...

for excruciating pains he's having in his abdomen. The doctor prescribes him suppositories, convinced that this will correct the issue.
About a week later, the doctor receives a call from the man, furious that his condition has gotten worse.
Surprised and alarmed, the doctor calmly asks the man if he's taken the medicine, to which the man replied "of course I have! What do you think I was doing? Shoving them up my a**...?"

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.

"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these prescribed doctor jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.