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Prescribed Jokes

58 prescribed jokes and hilarious prescribed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prescribed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Prescribed Short Jokes

Short prescribed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prescribed humour may include short prescription jokes also.

  1. My doctor prescribed me medicines for dailysex. But my girlfriend keeps telling me, its for dyslexia.
  2. My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure. He prescribed two IKEA self-assembly wardrobes.
  3. Stop saying no to drugs You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.
  4. It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers... I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
  5. Doctor please Doctor: "I'm afraid you're going to have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life."
    Patient: "But you only prescribed 7 pills!"
    Doctor: "Exactly!"
  6. "I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said. "Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
  7. With the far right prescribing UV and sunlight for medical cures They have finally seen the benefits of solar power.
  8. Satan went to the doctor because he felt he wasn't evil enough for the current times…. After his check up the doctor prescribed to him some meta-sin.
  9. Remedy "Doctor, you prescribed me this strengthening remedy last week."
    "Yeah, what about it?"
    "I can't open the bottle."
  10. I got jet lag on my last trip to Paris... The French doctor prescribed me something to keep track of time: Queloratil.

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Prescribed One Liners

Which prescribed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prescribed? I can suggest the ones about doctors prescribe and instructed.

  1. Why was the Mexican prescribed Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.
  2. I've been prescribed anti gloating cream... Can't wait to rub it in.
  3. My doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream... Now all I want to do is rub it in.
  4. My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It's called Enditol.
  5. My doctor prescribed anti-gloating ointment. I can't wait to rub it in.
  6. Why is Carlos prescribed xanax? Because of hispanic attacks.
  7. Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives? To help him pass the time.
  8. What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods? Anty depressants.
  9. What medication are Deer prescribed to help them sleep? Bambien.
  10. What cold medicine does the starbucks-addicted doctor prescribe to his patience? Coughy
  11. What did a doctor prescribe to the depressed lesbian?? Tridickagain
  12. You know a yeast infection is bad when The doctor prescribes a herbacide.
  13. What does a vet prescribe a pig with a rash? Oinkment!
  14. I got prescribed an antifungal... ... and now my girlfriend won't come near me.
  15. What do you call a homeopath who takes only 1/100 of their prescribed pills? Suicidal

Prescribed Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny prescribed doctor jokes and even better prescribed doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My doctor prescribed me Adderall to help my concentration and frustration. The only problem is that... now I'm super concentrated on my frustrations.
  • My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease. On the front it says, "Shake before use."
  • I told my doctor I was getting really stressed out about my chronic constipation. He prescribed me a relaxative.
  • Doctor: Why did you take your medicine before the prescribed time? Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.
  • My doctor prescribed me antidepressants and said they would change my outlook I don't know how many different ways you can look at a half empty glass
  • Hear about the coma induced weight loss program prescribed by doctors? They call it a *die*t.
  • My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea. They're not the best medicine in the world, but they're right up there.
  • My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all.
  • My doctor prescribed me new drugs for my eye problem, Now I see everything in High Definition
  • What did Michael Scott say when the doctor prescribed him ibuprofen? That's what she NSAID!
Prescribed joke, What did Michael Scott say when the doctor prescribed him ibuprofen?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about prescribed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of prescribed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uplifting Prescribed Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about prescribed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean designated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make prescribed prank.

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some a**...'s got my pen."

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."

A man goes to the Doctor

and tells him he's been having terrible gas, but his farts don't smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition.
Yes! The man says. I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!
Great! Says the Doctor. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.

"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!
No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

I told my doctor that I got a n**... reaction from applying the haemorrhoid cream he prescribed.

He asked where I had applied it.
I was on the bus.

At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my s**... drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

What are l**... prescribed for depression?

tricoxagin
(say it a couple times you'll figure it out)

A man comes to a doctor and says...

— Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...
— I see, — replies the doctor, — I'll prescribe you a laxative.
— Will it help me fall asleep?
— Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup

Three days later the patient comes for a check up and the doctor asks Well? Are you still coughing?
The patient replies No. I'm afraid to.

A man sees his doctor for his f**... problems.

I've been f**... a lot lately, doc, says the man. I've actually f**... ten times since I've been in here. But they don't make any noise and they don't smell. Can you help me?
The doctor says, I think I see the problem. I'm going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take it and then come back and see me next week.
One week later, the man returns to the doctor's office. What did that medicine do to me, doc?! My farts smell horrible now!
The doctor says, Well, it looks like that medicine cleaned up your sinuses. Now let's get you a hearing aid.

A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break

He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
What's wrong with this man? The pharmacist asks his assistant.
He has a terrible cough! The assistant replied. And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.
The customer gives a soft groan as the pharmacist looks horrified.
You can't prescribe laxatives to treat a cough!
Well of course you can, replied the assistant. Look at the customer, he's far too scared to cough

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"
Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"
Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical m**... for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

Obesity runs in my family.

An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.

Prescribed joke, A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough

jokes about prescribed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these prescribed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.