Prescribe Jokes

Following is our collection of valium humor and physician one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Prescribe puns for adults, dirty severe jokes or clean pharmacy gags for kids.

There is an abundance of symptoms jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 14 funniest jokes on prescribe. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any suppositories witze you can hear about prescribe.

The Best jokes about Prescribe

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."

A man comes to a doctor and says...

— Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...

— I see, — replies the doctor, — I'll prescribe you a laxative.

— Will it help me fall asleep?

— Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.

"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.

"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."

Problem Child

Psychiatrist to the mother of a problem child:
"You are far too upset and worried about your son. I'm going to prescribe some tranquilizers for you. I suggest you take them regularly."
On the next visit: "So, have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes, they have."
"And how is your son now?"
"Who cares?!?"

Why did Dr. Pepper prescribe himself Prozac after being recycled?

Because he was soda pressed

A woman goes to the doctor and says, Could you please prescribe me something against my headaches?

OK, says the doctor, take this and come back in two weeks.

After two weeks, the lady is back and complains, I'm sorry doctor. I've been using this for the past two weeks, I followed the instructions on the package, but nothing happened.

The doctor is concerned, That's unusual Mrs Grimky, what were the instructions exactly?

Well, keep the lid tightly screwed on at all times.

What did the doctor prescribe for the chronic addict?

weed everyday

You know why doctors often prescribe illutation to older persons ?

So they get a foretaste of the earth.

Why didn't the doctor prescribe lisinopril for Snoopy's high blood pressure?

Ace inhibitors are contraindicated in Sopwith pilots.

What cold medicine does the starbucks-addicted doctor prescribe to his patience?


i was at the doctor's the other day....

i was sitting in the room when the doctor returned and said "i have to prescribe you a suppository". well i got up and right in his face and said "i'm not taking this sitting down!"

What did the therapist youtuber say to the pharmacist?

"Remember to like, comment, and prescribe"

What did a doctor prescribe to the depressed lesbian??


I got prescribed an antifungal...

... and now my girlfriend won't come near me.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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