Pres Jokes
86 pres jokes and hilarious pres puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pres that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pres Short Jokes
Short pres jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pres humour may include short prim jokes also.
- 2017 First UFO lands Alien: "Take me to your leader."
*Alien is brought to Pres. Trump.
Alien: "Good one! Seriously though. This is important." - Me: Is you're refrigerator running? Random Guy I'm Prank Calling: yeah
Me: Cause I'd vote for it, Refrigerator for pres 2020
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Pres One Liners
Which pres one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pres? I can suggest the ones about prep and pare.
- So Obama bought some stuff on Amazon He chose the *ex-pres* shipping option.
- What do you call a man that smuggles girls underground Pres. J. F. K.
Cheerful Fun Pres Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about pres you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pres pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
There's something about pressing F5...
Thats just so refreshing
President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression...
...since the deaths of amy winehouse and Whitney Houston.
Why did President kennedy never get drunk?
He wasn't very good at taking shots.
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
Which president was the most logical?
Lincoln. He made the most cents.
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
I like pressing f5.
It's so refreshing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Prescription
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
What present can you give to the woman who has everything?
Antibiotics.
"Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."
"Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"
how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia?
when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day
If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...
And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The president of a popular mail-order business just died.
The f**... will be held in 3 - 5 business days.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is President Clinton's favourite game?
s**... the leader.
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it prestigious to wear a c**...?
It's a members-only jacket.
"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why did President Trump cross the road?
"I didn't cross the road. I have never crossed the road. More lies of the MSM. Sad!"
Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump
The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!
Which President had the shortest term?
Grover Cleveland.
He was the twenty second President.
Trump's presidency is historic...
He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.
The president of Russia is the greatest of them all!
There's no disPutin it
I think that the president and his cabinet listened to Pink Floyd
"We don't need no education" -Devos
"All in all its just another brick in the wall" -Trump
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President of South Korea Impeached.
Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."
".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"
Can I press indecent exposure charges against stars?
Because today the sun mooned me.
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade.
He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."
Why did the president and his entourage drown?
"Fake canoes."
The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world
The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"
Do you know which president has the cleanest record
Lincoln, he was in a cent
Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...
He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography
Teacher: "what state do you live in?"
Student: "denial."
The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."
"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."
Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."
"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.
"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."
Why couldn't the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?
No Flash photography.
President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.
the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
Which president is least guilty?
Abraham Lincoln. He is in a cent
Neither President Obama nor President Trump has done anything for the people of Mississippi.
For example, they still live there.
Where does the president of the sharks live?
In the Great White House.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.
If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your a**..., and c**... on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.
With the far right prescribing UV and sunlight for medical cures
They have finally seen the benefits of solar power.
The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
So President Trump got into his Bunker because of the Riots.
As a german Guy I can say from experience that from this moment its not getting any better.
So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency.
Welcome back President Obama we missed you.
How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.
''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''
"I have never lied to the American people."
"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."
President Trump treated Biden likely how he treats Melania.
He never lets either of them finish.
The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there's no flow it's just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can't perform for too long
we truly have Electile Dysfunction
President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19
Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.
It's unlikely that President Trump truly has COVID...
He's been paying others to take his tests for 65 years.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say President Trump first noticed he may have Covid-19
When he couldn't smell the b**... coming out of his own mouth.
President Trump begrudgingly updates his conditions by simply Tweeting:
Coughfefe
What's President Trump's new favorite band?
Air Supply
If president Trump actually dies from covid you won't see me smiling
Because I will be wearing a mask
As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term.
His Covid19 test result.
Thank you President Trump..
..for improving my vocabulary. I would have never known the meaning of sedition, insurrection, quid pro quo, colluding, etc without you!
What does the President call his favorite snacks?
Executive hors d'oeuvres
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
How did President Bush know that iraq had weapons of mass destruction?
Well he kept the receipts.
After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.
After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."
President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.
Solid, liquid and gas.
Did you know that, with enough pressure, the human lung will burst like a balloon?
Anyway, I lost my medical license today.
Presidential
Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is president Zelensky still in Kiev?
His humongous b**... keep getting stuck in the doorway.
I've been prescribed anti gloating cream...
Can't wait to rub it in.
The president announced that Oklahoma was taking over the United States.
He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK."
President Trump's greatest accomplishment was making us give the Coast Guard the respect that it deserves as a branch of the Armed Forces.
He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prescription
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for? "She says "I want to kill my husband ". He says "Sorry, I can't do that. "She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Biden has called for full legalization of m**...
Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.
Mr. President, good news, we can fix the bridge.
And the bad news?
We need your long table for that.
Even before being President Joe Biden could access any restricted Area
All those places are usually for Biden
What does President Erdogan have in common with Little Miss Muffet?
They both have Kurds in their whey
The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle's Law.
Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.
—-Cole's Law.
The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta
It's Macron's macaroon macaroni macaron.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
I really shouldn't have pressed CTRL+Z.
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turned out to be my undoing.
