The Best 63 Prepare Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Prepare jokes. There are some prepare await jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prepare guest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Prepare Jokes and Puns

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...

...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

Food snobs

"May I take your order? " the waiter asked.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens? "
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die. "

Wife Missing

My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.

Prepare joke, Wife Missing

My dad's favorite joke.

A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's gross, you should see him make donuts."

How do you prepare corn like Sean Connery?

Shuck it long, and shuck it hard.


A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...

"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."

So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"

[NSFW] I was helping my girlfriend prepare dinner...

I was helping my girlfriend prepare dinner and she asked me to turn the veg on.

I don't think fingering her disabled sister was what she had in mind.

Prepare joke, [NSFW] I was helping my girlfriend prepare dinner...

The German Dream

A student was listening to his teacher while they prepare to discuss about "The American Dream", the teacher was going around the classroom asking what everyone thought it meant, then the teacher asked the exchange student if they had their own version of "The American Dream" on their country. The German exchange student replied "We did before, but the world didn't like it."

My wife told me to prepare our ginger son for his first day at school.

So I beat him up and took his dinner money off him.

I prepared the chicken earlier.

I said, "Listen, there's no easy way to say this..."

I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks.

Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat.

You can explore prepare giblets reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prepare tabletop dad jokes. There are also prepare puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Have you heard? McDonalds is partnering with Nintendo and Niantic!

Prepare for trouble

And make it a McDouble

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

A man in a restaurant asks the waiter, "How does the chef prepare the chicken?"

The waiter replies, "He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

he raps his presents

With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea?

Hebrews it.

Prepare joke, With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea?

My girlfriend was cooking for our guests. She told me to go in and prepare the table.

So I walked in and told them all about her cooking.

How does Moses prepare his coffee?

Hebrews it.

LPT: How to stop procrastinating

Step one: Prepare to do whatever it is that you need to do

Step two: Do it tomorrow.

This frees you from the work you would have done grudgingly, which decreases the quality anyway.


Airline oneliners

not enough seating, prepare for a beating

My girlfriend has been missing for a week

The police told me to prepare for the worst, so now I have to go down to the goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

Who's the most prepared person on earth?

Justin Case

The CEO of a big company got abducted...

The abductors released a message through the PA system:

"Prepare ten million by noon or we burn him alive!"

The employees frantically decided to gather, and one proposed to pitch in together in order to help out.

Some pitched in five litres, some pitched in ten.

Why did the German doomsday prepper order an appetizer?

He wanted to prepare for the wurst.

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

Why did the American prepare peach gelato?

To demonstrate her right to freeze peach!

What did the magician say before he turned his assistant into an ear of corn?

Prepare to be a-maize-d

A guy walks into a diner and sees the fry cook, with one arm, making hamburger patties by smashing meat under his armpit...

The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.

The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."

How does a bird prepare to travel?

He pecks his luggage.

I was at a restaurant last night...

and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."

The wife has been missing for a week. Police said I should now prepare for the worst....

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back....

How does a Twitch streamer prepare for a convention?

He pax

At work, they ask us to prepare for projects using an A through Z list. This week, my boss called me into his office.

He told me that he was irritated by preparations A through G. However, he felt as though preparation h felt good on the hole.

What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before sex?

Prepare for the wurst.

Celibacy is very important to teach to your kids.

It'll only prepare them for when they're married.

I wouldn't consider myself a fan of steampunk.

But I will say this, it is undoubtedly the healthiest way to prepare punk.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

Lord Williams turns to his butler

Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."

"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones

"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams

(Long) Crashing Plane

The pilot comes on the intercom and announces "ladies and gentlemen we just lost our engines, we are going down, prepare to crash."

A woman jumps up screaming "I AM NOT READY TO DIE, I"M STILL A VIRGIN, SOMEONE MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME!

A good looking guy gets up, walks to her, and takes off his shirt showing his muscular chest and six pack abs,

He throws it at her and says; " Here, iron this".

Thor: "I'm going to kill you with my Thor hammer, so prepare to die!"

Antman: "Ha, it's no match for my thorax!"

What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey?

Arr! Prepare to be boarded!

How do whales prepare for a party?

They orca-nise it.

My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him & stole his lunch money.

I wish I had prepared for Alzheimer's when I was a younger man.

If I only know now what I knew then...

A Donkey Was Found Dead In Front of a Church

So the priest did the reasonable thing and called the police chief.

Hey, i would like to report a donkey has been found dead in front of the church

The Chief replies: But father isn't that your specialty? You are knowledgeable on how to clean the body and prepare it for burial, right?

The priest replies: You are correct, but we like to notify the next of kin.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....

A full recovery

The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God

"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".

The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".

Xi Jinping held a speech in front of the CCP. "Horrible news, comrades, not only is God real, he also told us the world is coming to an end in 20 years".

Trump tweeted "Great news everyone! God knows I'm important!"

The missus has been missing for a week now. The police have told me to prepare for the worst...

So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!

A man goes to a restaurant and has the most delicious turkey he's ever tasted...

He asks the chef, "How do you prepare the turkeys?"

The chef replies, "Oh, nothing special, we just tell them they're gonna die."

One day during a war....

A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.

Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."

The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."

"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."

The wife has been missing a week now.

Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Why don't birds prepare for speeches?

They like to wing it.

I'm not really a fan of steampunk

but I will say, it's one of the healthiest ways to prepare punk.

Step One. Implant a tiny bomb in your head and prepare the detonation button.

What happens next will blow your mind.

A guy asked a waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?"

and the waiter said, "We just flat out tell them that this is the end of the line."

Somewhere over Belarus a pilot just had a radio call

Pilot to crew: We are requested to land immediately.

Please prepare the cabin.

Crew: Why, what is happening?

Pilot: Threat of an explosive.

Cew: What? What explosive?!

Pilot: The one they will fire at us if we don't.

A Man wonders, if he died before his wife...

A husband, seeing his wife prepare her will says, "If you died before me, I cannot imagine dating again. It would take me months or years to even begin to consider someone else. How long would you wait?"

She ponders the question and replies, "Well, honey, that depends on who shows up at the funeral!"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.

\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks

\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently

The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:

\- Guess I'm swimming then...

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prepare diners jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working prepare prepping piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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