Premium Jokes
31 premium jokes and hilarious premium puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about premium that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover premium jokes from the best comedians around the world with the latest apps, YouTube Premium, and DLCs. With these services, you can pay to access the world’s best jokes and funniest stories! Enjoy the best of premium air for a one-time fee.
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Funniest Premium Short Jokes
Short premium jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The premium humour may include short prime jokes also.
- Ever since I got Pornhub Premium local women in my area haven't been interested in me. Help what do I do?
- Remember men, no means no, but one thousand no's and one yes is YouTube Premium's entire marketing scheme.
- If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality *The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*
- Which is the better deal, YouTube Red or PornHub Premium? PornHub Premium; you get far more bang for your buck.
- What do you call a dinosaur with a super high automobile insurance premium? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks
- What is the square root of Pai? "To access your calculator's premium features like sine, square and square root, and logarithm, please call to have a contractor install the software"
- If I had a dollar for every post I've seen about NET neutrality... ...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.
- My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year. Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.
- I'm a comedian and I just signed a one-year contract with HBO! I even get the premium channels
- I like to watch through your bedroom's window while you sleep... ... you are the only one of my neighbors who has a premium plan for their tv.
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Premium One Liners
Which premium one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with premium? I can suggest the ones about prom and peak.
- What does the + in LGBTQ stands for? Is it like gay premium?
- Want better sleep? Buy youtube premium
- Ad Nauseam; What you get when a platform dissolves their ad-free premium service.
- "Why are you single?", She asked. "I have Pornhub premium, He replied
- A rapper just came out with a line of premium sausages. Meats by Dre.
- For all you World of Tanks players: what does LTP stand for? LeichtTractor Premium
- Pornhub premium users are like jesus They pay for our sins.
- What is the most annoying sound? # **GET SPOTIFY PREMIUM NOW!!!**
Hilarious Fun Premium Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about premium you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean price jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make premium pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Policing the internet.
Complaining to the police about something you've read on the internet is like suing a premium rate s**... line for s**... harassment.
For all the people talking completely overblowing the net neutrality issue, I just want to say
THIS IS A PREMIUM JOKE
--------------------------
IN ORDER TO VIEW THIS JOKE
CONTACT YOUR ISP TO
UPGRADE YOUR SERVICE
Starting at just: $60.00/month
How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.
BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!
GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?
BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I went to a gas station and switched the Regular, Plus, and Premium b**... on all the pumps...
April Fuels!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad and son had a conversation.
Dad: Son, it's time to talk about the uhh female and male stuff.
Son: I'm sorry what?
Dad: You know.. the ding into hole in one stuff....
Son: I really don't know what you are talking about dad.
Dad: Son, I'm talking about s**....
Son: Oooh the s**... stuff, I've already educated myself dad.
Dad: From where???
Son: From your Brazzers premium subscription account on your PC....
I was using Spotify and they have this killer punch line:
Congratulations,
you just discovered a premium feature. Pay to see more!
I want to buy the most elevated premium male deer, but it doesn't need to have the highest prize stag.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.
"Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.
The Jew smiles back.
The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"
He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."
The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.
Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just s**... or pretending to be?"
"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
