Premature Jokes

How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?

p**... emasculation.

I left 10 minutes before the fire alarm went off..

I now suffer from p**... evacuation.

So I told a p**... baby joke at an open mic night but I don't think the crowd liked it.

Apparently it was too soon

What did the Roman p**... ejaculater say?

Veni, Vidi, Veni.

I thought Jack Nicholson and Jack Black followed me on Twitter earlier and I got excited...

..it wasn't them.
Guess it was p**... e-Jack elation.

What do you call it when a rude person comes early?

p**... Ejerkulation.

What do you call it when flu season comes early?

p**... inoculation.

p**... Ejokeulation

What do you get when you cross someone with a s**... disorder and someone who ruins punchlines?

The s**... and His Father

Little Johnny s**... opened his eyes, in what seemed like hours of being passed out. He rubs his eyes and looks around to see anybody familiar. Luckily, he sees his father, old Matthew s**....
[Johnny:] Dad, where are we?
[Matthew:] I'm afraid I'll have to tell you when you're older.
[Johnny:] Why is that?
[Matthew:] It's because you're p**....
I hope this is funny, I just thought of it a minute ago 😂 If it isn't, help me find a better way to get to the punchline.

Happy Easter!...

Sorry it's a bit early, I suffer from p**... congratulation.

p**... Ejokeulation

What do you call it when someone puts the punchline to a joke in the title?

What did the s**... Bomber think about the p**... bomb e**... ?

Wow this blew up.

wow did you see that p**... ejactulation man

he came out of nowhere....

What did the p**... ejaculatist say to his offended lover?

Sorry...
That came out wrong.

What was the t**...'s pick up line?

'hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate."

How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?

The sight of p**... Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood.
I'm a Dad so this joke is OK

what do you call a young, green Pumpkin for Halloween?

A p**... e-Jack-O'-Lantern.

Kanye West ruined his chances of having s**... with Taylor Swift this weekend...

TIDAL and his album release have proven he's p**....

Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out?

Because they feared a p**... ejectulation

What do you call it when you turn into a vampire before being bitten?

p**... Edraculation

Did you hear about the Mongolian Olympic wrestler?

He lost the gold medal due to p**... jock elation. (all credit to /u/sasquatchiam, link in comments)

What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane?

A p**... evacuation.

I s**... telling jokes..

Because I start laughing even before I reach the punchline. The doctor says I have a p**... hehejaculation.

Whenever someone makes a p**... blanket conclusion based on a single piece of information...

I automatically assume they're a complete idiot.

What do Koreans name their p**... still borns?

TooSoon

Wht do you call a p**... chinese baby?

Female

I went to the doctors with a rather embarrassing problem the other day.

I have a habit during c**... where I yell my exact bearings shortly before being asked.
Apparently I suffer from p**... exact location.

What are the two problems Donald Trump is currently being treated for ?

1)
Electile Dysfunction

and
2)
p**... Congratulations.

What is something a woman hates about a man but a man would love about a woman?

p**... ejactulation.

Happy new year everyone!

Sorry, I'm a p**... congratulator.

A baby boy born without eyelids...

Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...

Apparently, Donald Trump is currently being treated for Electile dysfunction and p**... congratulations.

Isn't it Hillaryous!

When a fire breaks out at a swingers convention

It causes p**... evacuation.

North Korea must have a s**... problem

Because their rocket always explodes pre-maturely

What do you call a p**... drug?

Eggs-tasy
I'll let myself out

I suffer from p**... congratulations...

I always tell people happy birthday one day too early..

What's it called when you leave Charleston for Irma?

p**... evacuation

What do you call Halloween displays that are up way too early?

p**... e-jackolanterns

This year is going by quickly

Oh wait, that's just the idiots playing p**... Christmas music.

I went to my first p**... Ejaculations Club today but they sent me back.

It turns out I came a bit early

What is a p**... baby's favorite game?

We had a fire drill at the s**... bank today...

But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a p**... evacuation

To all the people who stand up as soon as the plane has landed...

You must suffer from p**... evacuation.

I always try to leave work 5-10 minutes earlier than when my shift is supposed to end.

I'm a p**... evacuator.

My mate wished me a Merry Christmas earlier.

A bit early, yes, but he suffers from p**... congratulation.

What's the worst thing that can happen while receiving a b**...?

A p**... evacuation.

Why did the mother name her p**... baby after her husband?

He also came too soon.

What do you call a p**... baby born addicted to h**...?

A freeloader that got the hook

A guy who suffered from p**... ejaculations meet a woman and says

"There is no punch line."

What do you call a guy that nuts during a fire drill

p**... evacuation

My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.

It suffers from p**... evacuation.

What do you call it when a pilot hits the eject button as he's going down the runway?

p**... ejectulation

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don't like p**... evacuations

Did anyone hear about the family that made pumpkins a month early?

The pumpkins were p**... e-jack-o-lanterns.

A fireman kicks down the door of a house and carries the family out 1 by 1, but there is no fire. A week later the building catches ablaze.

He suffers from p**... evacuation.

Many websites are already changing their look for Christmas

I guess it's a case of p**... e-decoration.

I have a joke for when Harvey Weinstein goes to prison...

...but it's still a bit p**....

Look on the bright side if you are a nice guy, you might finish last...

But at least it's not prematurely

The earlier we start Christmas...

the more likely Jesus will be born dangerously p**....

What is it called when you leave your office building well before the fire drill begins?

p**... evacuation

Why is vaccinating before proper safety testing can occur such a bad idea?

Nobody likes p**... Inoculations.

I invited my p**...-e**... support group over to my house for dinner...

...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!

I had just began to present my client's case in Court the other day when without warning the Judge slammed down his gaval, yelled "Guilty! ", and left the room.

Clearly he struggles with p**... adjudication.

What do you call a bunch of 12 year olds that leave too early?

A p**... evacuation

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is p**... extrapolation.