Pregnant People Jokes
28 pregnant people jokes and hilarious pregnant people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnant people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pregnant People Short Jokes
Short pregnant people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnant people humour may include short pregnant woman jokes also.
- My wife is pregnant with a boy and i want to call him Lance My wife said its such an uncommon name.
So i told her back in medievil days people were called Lance a lot - I always give my seat to blind or pregnant people Guess I won't be piloting again any time soon
- Many people think you can't get pregnant when using the pull-out method... But that's a missed conception
- People keep congratulating me on my wife getting pregnant again... Now only if I could find the guy that did it.
- Everybody's getting pregnant around here. People saying Something must be in the air .
Well duhh... Them legs! - I always told my wife that I wanted to be a comedian She told me a great joke that will get people's attention
She said, I'm pregnant - I don't get why people are so negative when I tell them that I drive a motorcycle. I don't go up to pregnant women and tell them my dad left me.
- When people rub your pregnant girl's stomach and say congrats But nobody tickles your b**... and say well done
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Pregnant People One Liners
Which pregnant people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnant people? I can suggest the ones about pregnant lady and pregnant.
- How did people know that she was pregnant? It became a-parent.
- A lot of people end a question with a period. Usually that question is "Am I pregnant?"
- Most people see a "pregnant mom" planned parenthood sees a "parts store."
- It's ironic that pregnant people have to order v**... drinks.
Hilarious Pregnant People Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about pregnant people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pregnant mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pregnant people pranks.
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
Warnings about motorcycles
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.
A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"
A farmer and his wife live isolated from other people, but the wife is pregnant and now the farmer has to call the town's doctor
Unfortunately the farm has no electricity so the doctor asks the farmer to light up the room with a lantern so he could see what's he's doing. One after another, 5 children are born. The farmer tries to run away, terrified.
-Come back here, I think there's another baby, but I can't see anything in here! says the doctor.
To which the farmer says:
-No doctor I'm outta here, I think the lantern attracts them!
*Enjoy a poorly translated Romanian joke
A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E.M.M.A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"
Difference between Orthodox, Conservative, and Reformed Jews
At an orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reformed wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!
People ask me this question I lot; this is usually the answer I give.
Baby Name
My brother's wife had been pregnant for several months and they decided to have a big gender reveal party with about 50 people.
After we finished eating, they announced to friends and family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering and applauds.
Once the cheers die down a little I called out, Do you have a name for the baby yet?
My brother said, Yeah. Lisa Noelle.
Again everyone approves and celebrates the name.
•
Then after a moment I shout, How the h**... are you supposed to spell Lisa with no L?
A man was in line with his young son at the pharmacy...
when the little guy spotted the case of condoms off to the side.
"What are those, Daddy?" he asked.
"Ah, those are the condoms, son," said the father. "Remember when we talked about how babies are made? People use those during s**... to avoid getting the woman pregnant."
"Why are they in different size packages?"
"Well, the single ones are for the weekend for high school guys. See? One for Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. And those packs of three are for college guys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"What about the big box, Daddy?"
"Ah, those are packs of 12 for married men like me, son. See? One for January, one for February..."
Not a traditional joke but something hilarious my brother said as a child.
My oldest brother(Mike) was playing with my older brother.(Ty) My parents come in and break the news that my mother is pregnant with another child. My oldest bro freaks out and says "We can't get rid of this one though! I like him!" I guess he assumed you could only have one child at a time.
You see, at the time, we lived in a super r**... country area with almost no ethnicity except white so the only African-American people Mike had seen were on Sesame Street, and he assumed that having a baby was just going to a store and picking a new one out. He then became overjoyed and changed his approach. Why? He blurts out "Could we get a black baby? I've always wanted one!" My parents are the whitest parents you know.
A woman entered her daughter's room and found a letter
Dear mom
I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He's sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike.
I'm also pregnant. He tells me that we'll live happy in the forest and have many kids.
He also tells me that w**... is fine, and we'll grow it for our friends who will give us c**....
Don't worry, mom. We pray to god that scientist will find a cure for aids, because my darling deserves it.
I'm 15 now, mom, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'll visit you and introduce you to your grandchildren.
Love you. Daughter .
.
.
.
P.S.
Mom, I'm joking. I'm at our neighbor's house. By the way, the test grades report is on my table .
A Cherokee chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant...
The first s**... gave birth to a boy, and the chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of buffalo hide.
A few days later, the second s**... gave birth, and also to a boy. The chief was extremely happy; he built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third s**... gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details of the birth a secret.
He built the third wife a teepee out of hippopotamus hide and challenged the people of the tribe to guess the details of the birth. Whoever in the tribe could guess correctly would receive a small prize.
Several people tried, but they were unsuccessful in their guesses. Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third wife had delivered twin boys.
"Correct!" cried the chief. "But how did you know?"
"It's simple," replied the warrior. "The value of the s**... of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
Topical Jokes for 6/11
In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.