The Best 40 Pregnant Lady Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pregnant Lady jokes. There are some pregnant lady blonde jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pregnant lady little old lady puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pregnant Lady Jokes and Puns

A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up

After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have sex until your third trimester."

The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."

A pregnant lady is sitting at a bus stop...

A guy walks up and asks, "what are you expecting?"

The girl replies the obvious, "the bus."

The man turns to his friend and whispers, "dude, I think she screwed a transformer!"

A young lady gets on a bus...

A young lady gets on a bus but it's standing room only. A middle-aged man seated next to her is ignoring her, and she says "Excuse me, sir, would you mind standing so a pregnant lady can sit?". He excuses himself and stands for her. As she's sitting down, he realizes she doesn't look pregnant at all. He asks her, "Excuse me miss, but how long have you been pregnant?" She says "About 15 minutes, and boy are my legs tired!".

Pregnant Lady joke, A young lady gets on a bus...

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.

Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"

New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"

Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."

New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"

Doctor: "Denephew."

Pregnant Lady on the Train

A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"

A Transformer Baby!

Few Kids and a pregnant lady was standing at Bus stop..

kid: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer

A little boy is always biting his nails...

A little boy is always biting his nails. In the end his mom gets angry and says, "If you continue to bite your nails you'll get bigger and bigger and bigger until you blow up like a balloon!" A few days later the little boy is on the bus when a very pregnant woman sits opposite him. After a few minutes the lady realizes that the little boy is staring at her. "Do you know me?" she asks. "No," says the boy. "But I know what you've been doing."

Pregnant Lady joke, A little boy is always biting his nails...

"Mildred, are you putting on weight?"

Lady of the House, "Mildred, are you putting on weight?"
Maid, "Well, to tell you the truth Madam, I am pregnant." Lady, "OH DEAR! How ever did you get your self in such condition?"
Maid, "Well Madam it started when I ordered a vibrator through the mail."
Lady, "Goodness! You didn't use that dreadful thing did you?"
Maid, "No Madam, the mail man talked me out of it."

Why did u eat it???

A lady was pregnant. Her son asked her Mom, What's in u'r tummy?

Mom answered Its a sweet, lovely baby.

Son says, If the baby is so sweet and lovely then WHY DID U EAT IT???

A lady happily tells her husband, holding a testpack result. "Darling, I'm pregnant!"

Tears running the husband's eyes, he says "Hi pregnant, I'm dad"

Why did a pregnant lady walk into Jimmy Johns?

They promised freaky fast delivery

You can explore pregnant lady childbirth reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pregnant lady foetus dad jokes. There are also pregnant lady puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Stand and Deliver

"Stand and Deliver" are motivational words unless they are told to a pregnant lady.

What did the 40 year old pregnant lady say when her husband asked her "why are you so upset"

"I'm having a midwife crisis"

A 5-year-old sat next to a pregnant lady.

Boy: Why is your tum-tum so huge?

Lady: Because I have a baby inside it.

Boy: Is it a nice baby?

Lady: It is a very nice healthy baby.

Boy: Then why did you eat it?

Pregnant ladies are sitting around knitting

One lady says, "I am taking an iron supplement, want my child to be strong."
Next lady says, ' I am taking calcium because I want my baby to have healthy bones."
Last lady says, "I'm taking Thalidomide....I just can't get these arms right."

I saw a sign at the station that said "Please cross the line here".

So I gave the pregnant lady next to me an uppercut.

Pregnant Lady joke, I saw a sign at the station that said "Please cross the line here".

A pregnant lady runs into a hospital

and starts shouting "Can't! Won't! Shouldn't!"

One doctor turns to the other and says "Doctor! What's going on?"

The other doctor, with a smirk, says "She's having contractions."

Doctor Am I pregnant?

A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant

Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant...

Girl: Am I?

Doc: No it just looks like you are

The pregnant lady sitting across from me laughed

"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.

"It's an inside joke."

How did the Avon lady get pregnant?

Max Factor

Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!

Me: You sure do!

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"

"I know what you have been sucking on"

My nephew has a habit of sucking his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that suck their thumbs become fat.

At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been sucking on" in the middle of the store.

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"

Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"

The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.

Why is your stomach so big? โ€“ he asks.

Iยดm having a baby. โ€“ she replies.

Is the baby in your stomach? โ€“ he asks, with his big eyes.

Yes, it is. โ€“ she says.

Is it a good baby? โ€“ he asks, with a puzzled look.

Oh, yes. A really good baby. โ€“ the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: Then why did you eat him?

Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame.

Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it.

Fake taxi

Taxi driver: where to go?

Lady :Airport

Taxi driver: Mam,you are the 5th pregnant lady whom i'm dropping to airport today

Lady: But I'm not pregnant

Taxi driver: But we haven't reached the airport yet

A blonde lady goes to the doctor and says, 'Doctor, I think I might be pregnant...'

The doctor says, 'Have you had a check up recently?'
She replies, 'No. I think he might've been German.'

Two brooms are in the kitchen

The lady broom is crying and upset, she tells her boyfriend, "honey, I'm pregnant!" Her boyfriend replies, "how is that possible? We didn't even sweep together!"

What did the pregnant lady say to the annoying doctor who couldn't seem to deliver her child?

Cut it out!

A tow truck driver is pulling a lady out of the ditch....

He says to her "you are the second pregnant lady I've pulled out of the ditch today". With a bit of confusion she hastily replies "I am not pregnant". He pauses and calmly states "you are not out of the ditch yet".

Two sailors were chatting

One says "We'll soon arrive at Port. I can't wait to make love to my lady, it's been so long."

The other one asks "Yeah, me too. Say, have you ever made love to your love in the other hole?"

"No, are you crazy? I don't wanna make her pregnant"

A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...

The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so stupid. Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."

"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I am having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It is a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,

"Then why did you eat him?"

A staggering drunk knocks over a pregnant lady who is carrying a bag of groceries...

2 eggs and a bottle of ketchup fall and break to the sidewalk. The drunk say "Sorry lady, but it would have died anyway. Its eyes were too far apart.

A pregnant lady went into a coma

Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant

"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"

"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked


"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"


Saturday afternoon

I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:

"You should be hung."

I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:

"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked:

Then why did you eat him?

A pregnant lady at the doctors.

Doctor: "Do you wish that the the baby's father be present at the birth?"

Patient: "I prefer not.

Doctor: Oh Why is that?

Patient: He doesn't get along with my husband."

3 pregnant ladies in a coffee shop

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in a coffee shop talking about their pregnancies.

The brunette says to the other 2 that I heard if you have sex on top, your more likely to have a boy

The redhead say oh that must mean I'm likely to have a girl

There was a pause and then the blonde say Uh Oh imma be having puppies!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pregnant lady lady gaga jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pregnant lady lady golfer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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