Pregnant Jokes
193 pregnant jokes and hilarious pregnant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out why pregnant women, pregnant wives, pregnant moms, pregnant nuns, pregnant brides, pregnant cows, pregnant cats, pregnant Halloween characters, pregnant women with twins, and even foetuses make jokes. We'll look at the fun, quirky, and even dark humour that often revolves around maternity and pregnancy. From silly prego humour to the underlying taboo that comes with pregnancy and motherhood, get ready to explore the comedy behind the bubbling prego belly.
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Funniest Pregnant Short Jokes
Short pregnant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnant humour may include short pregnancy jokes also.
- I think the most patriotic part of the entire super bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not - My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can't pull anything out in time!
- I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant.. Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.
- What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common? They all have *contractions*.
- Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not - I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"
- My wife is pregnant with a boy and i want to call him Lance My wife said its such an uncommon name.
So i told her back in medievil days people were called Lance a lot - When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
- I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
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Pregnant One Liners
Which pregnant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnant? I can suggest the ones about expecting baby and expectant mother.
- Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not. - Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
- My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
- A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
- How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy.
- So it's April 2nd And my wife's still pregnant...
- What do cannibals call pregnant women? Kinder surprise
- "Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."
- Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"
- How did the love seat get pregnant? Because the couch didn't pull out.
- Why didn't Mr. Clean's wife ever get pregnant? He comes in a bottle.
- My grandma. - What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant Her legs...
- Why were birth rates low in 1970? You can't get pregnant during '69.
- Why do you never see a pregnant plane? They always go to the hanger.
- What's the best part about being pregnant? You never have to drink alone.
Pregnant Woman Jokes
Here is a list of funny pregnant woman jokes and even better pregnant woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
- "Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
-"No, it just looks like you are" - An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says "Grazie". What do you say to her after that? Prego.
- A pregnant woman screams COULDN'T WOULDN'T SHOULDN'T CAN'T… The Dr said nothing to worry about, those are contractions .
- I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.
- A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop When is it due he asks.
Two weeks she replies.
I guess I'll just walk then he responds. - Obligatory Cake Day joke What do a pregnant woman and a burnt cake have in common?
Pulled out too late. - So a pregnant woman walks into a diner. A pregnant woman walks into a diner, and the server says:
"Hi there, are ya hungry?"
The fetus replies:
"Nah, I gestate." - If a woman at a brothel accidentally gets pregnant and has a baby, Is it a brothel sprout?
- Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.
I M Pregnant Jokes
Here is a list of funny i m pregnant jokes and even better i m pregnant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
- Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water! - Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame. Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it. - I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant... Peanuts and Pickles are great. tequila is kind of an idiot
- Mom I'm Pregnant.... -Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin... - How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent.. I'll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her.
Guy: Hi, I'm Paul.
Her: Hi, I'm pregnant.
Case closed. - April Fools! girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father - I've got a really good dad joke. My girlfriend's pregnant and she thinks I'm going to stick around.
- Son: Dad, my wife is pregnant. Dad: That's great! I'm so proud of you!
Son: Thanks I'm-so-proud-of-you, I'm your son.
Dad: I have trained you well. - One step at a time Divorced dad: Son I'm going to marry again
Son: so I'm going to have a step mom
Dad: also she is pregnant
Son: oh no please one step at a time
Pregnant Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny pregnant girl jokes and even better pregnant girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
- So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
2. Mary ends up pregnant
3. ???
4. Prophet - Doctor Am I pregnant? A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant
Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant...
Girl: Am I?
Doc: No it just looks like you are - After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - Why did the Latino girl come to class pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay.
- A mathematician was pregnant Her friend asked her:
- Boy or girl?
- Yes. - Why was the girl amazed at her ability to get pregnant from the world's smallest man? Because she didn't know she had it in her.
- Girl finds out that she's pregnant... And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; "Have you had a check-up?"
Girl says; "No, he was Polish" - Socks and sandals are like condoms There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant
- I told my pregnant girl friend that she was as big as a 747. That did not fly.
Pregnant Mom Jokes
Here is a list of funny pregnant mom jokes and even better pregnant mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Son, you were adopted! - what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
- No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up! - the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
- I'd like to thank my dad for always being there for me From the day I was conceived to the day he found out my mom was pregnant
- Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them! - Why was Neo's mom so good at math? Because when she was pregnant, she carried the one.
- A teen got pregnant and said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!" and then her fetus said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!"
- Mom! Mom! I'm pregnant!! ￚ Oh God, honey, where was your head at?!
ￚ Ummm against the passenger door, I think - Doctors recommend not drinking while pregnant. My mom also recommends not drinking right before getting pregnant.
- I asked my mom who the fastest person in the world was. She said, Your father, when I told him I was pregnant.
- I was mad at my best friend, so I poked holes in his condoms... And now my mom is pregnant..
Pregnant Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny pregnant wife jokes and even better pregnant wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
- After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant. She has the worst stutter ever.
- There is nothing wrong with drinking while pregnant... ...my wife drank through all five months of her pregnancy.
- That awkward moment when your girlfriend and side chick are both pregnant... ...and you realize you have to tell your wife.
- "I can still fit into my wedding dress!", my wife bragged. "That's only because you were 8 months pregnant", I replied.
- my pregnant wife was feeling sensitive about her enlarged breast due to lactation, so I gave her a cute nickname to cheer her up. Apparently Dairy Queen wasn't the right choice.
- divorce Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ?? - The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
- I told my pregnant wife that everything is going to change after this baby is born. Like my name, address, phone number.
- After months of trying, my wife told me she is finally pregnant Apparently I'm going to be an uncle.
Silly & Ridiculous Pregnant Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about pregnant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean expecting mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pregnant pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guys, abortion may be i**... soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she's an anti-vaxxer.
Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you'll only have to pay for 3.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
The pregnant lady sitting across from me laughed
"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.
"It's an inside joke."
Dad my girlfriends pregnant
"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Success is like being pregnant
Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
10 years ago I went camping at yellow stone and my wife got pregnant.
2 years later I went camping at Yellowstone and my wife got pregnant again.
After that when I went camping at Yellowstone I took my wife with me.
My friend's girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.
Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...
like my name, phone number, address, etc.
When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.
Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.
The dentist looks and says "you have a bad tooth we are going to have to pull it"
The lady says "I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled"
The dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
A woman awakens from a coma, no longer pregnant.
"Congratulations! You delivered a boy and a girl!" The nurse said.
"That's great! Who named them?" She asked.
"Your husband did. He named the boy Jason."
"I like that. What about the girl?"
"Jadaughter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know you're at a m**... wedding?
The bride isn't pregnant but her mother is
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant (with twins)
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just made love to my girlfriend
She asked, "If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?"
I took off my c**..., tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
"Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."
Catholic girl goes into confessional
Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife suggested that to spice things up in the bedroom, we should try the "other hole"
I said "no way", don't want her getting pregnant again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.
I said, "It's likely w**...-temperature."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?
A s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman threatens her boyfriend
A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?
She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So God's getting ready to go on vaction...
And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a pregnant woman?
A body builder
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
How does a pregnant mermaid give birth?
"Sea-section"
Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...
...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why is my wife pregnant?
A man told the doctor, "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't had s**... in over a year. I don't understand it."
The doctor said, "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."
"What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well, somebody's obviously had it in for you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
Two Inuits marry and consummate that night.
The next morning, the bride discovers that she is six months pregnant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm ready for a holiday.
p**... says to m**...,
I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
m**... asks,
"So what are you going to do this year?"
p**... replies,
"I'll b**... take her with me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I'm leaving you!..."
I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant?
A few years back when I've been on vacation in the Alps, my wife got pregnant. The year after that, a vacation in the Rockies, my wife got pregnant. Two years after that, a vacation in Aruba, my wife got pregnant. And another vacation's coming up…... So what are you going to do?
I think I'm going to have to take her with me this year, just in case.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
A woman went to the doctor's office and seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
A man speaks frantically on phone with a doctor...
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.
"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
