JokoJokes

Pregnant Jokes

193 pregnant jokes and hilarious pregnant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out why pregnant women, pregnant wives, pregnant moms, pregnant nuns, pregnant brides, pregnant cows, pregnant cats, pregnant Halloween characters, pregnant women with twins, and even foetuses make jokes. We'll look at the fun, quirky, and even dark humour that often revolves around maternity and pregnancy. From silly prego humour to the underlying taboo that comes with pregnancy and motherhood, get ready to explore the comedy behind the bubbling prego belly.

Best Short Pregnant Jokes

Short pregnant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnant humour may include short pregnancy jokes also.

  1. I think the most patriotic part of the entire super bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
  2. I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
    HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
    WIFE: Second: No you're not
  3. My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can't pull anything out in time!
  4. I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant.. Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.
  5. What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common? They all have *contractions*.
  6. Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
    Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
    Wife:No you're not
  7. I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"
  8. My wife is pregnant with a boy and i want to call him Lance My wife said its such an uncommon name.
    So i told her back in medievil days people were called Lance a lot
  9. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby
  10. When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!

Quick Jump To


Pregnant joke, When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pregnant can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pregnant puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share These Pregnant Jokes With Friends



Pregnant One Liners

Which pregnant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnant? I can suggest the ones about expecting baby and expectant mother.

  1. Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
    Wife: No you're not.
  2. Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
  3. My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
  4. How come Barbie never got pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
  5. A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
  6. Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in other boxes.
  7. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant (with twins)
  8. My wife told me she's pregnant. So I told her, "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
  9. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy.
  10. Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken came in another box
  11. When my wife got pregnant everything changed My name, my address and my phone number
  12. So it's April 2nd And my wife's still pregnant...
  13. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
  14. [Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
  15. What do cannibals call pregnant women? Kinder surprise

Pregnant Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnant woman jokes and even better pregnant woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
  • What do you call a pregnant woman? A body builder
  • What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common? You left it in too long.
  • What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant woman all have in common? An idiot who didn't take it out in time.
  • "Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
    -"No, it just looks like you are"
  • An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says "Grazie". What do you say to her after that? Prego.
  • What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
  • What do a burned pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common? Someone didn't pull out in time
  • A pregnant woman screams COULDN'T WOULDN'T SHOULDN'T CAN'T… The Dr said nothing to worry about, those are contractions .
  • I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.

Pregnant Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnant wife jokes and even better pregnant wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant?? Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure.
  • My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
  • After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant. She has the worst stutter ever.
  • My wife suggested that to spice things up in the bedroom, we should try the "other hole" I said "no way", don't want her getting pregnant again.
  • There is nothing wrong with drinking while pregnant... ...my wife drank through all five months of her pregnancy.
  • After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she's pregnant. She has the worst stutter ever.
  • My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
  • I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn't prevent you from getting your wife pregnant. It just changes the color of the baby. :(
  • I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby. Or at least that's what my mailman said.
  • I had vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant... But apparently all it does is change the color of your baby

I M Pregnant Jokes

Here is a list of funny i m pregnant jokes and even better i m pregnant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
  • My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
  • Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
    *later at dinner*
    Her dad: *coughs* I need water
    Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!
  • "Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant "Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
    Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed
    "Hi disappointed, I'm dad"
    Son, did you just-
    "Yes"
    You're ready.
  • "Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."
  • I told my husband I'm pregnant. He said "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!"
  • "I'm leaving you!..." I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
    But honey, what about our child?
    What child?!
    Oh, so you're not pregnant?
  • Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"
  • Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame. Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
    Doctor: No, but you look like it.
  • I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant... Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot

Pregnant Girl Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnant girl jokes and even better pregnant girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
    2. Mary ends up pregnant
    3. ???
    4. Prophet
  • What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant Her legs...
  • Doctor Am I pregnant? A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant
    Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant...
    Girl: Am I?
    Doc: No it just looks like you are
  • In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation. Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.
  • Why did the Latino girl come to class pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay.
  • What did a burnt pizza, pregnant girl and frozen beer can have in common? Nobody pulled out it time.
  • April Fools! girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
    guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
    girl: haha! got me! you're not the father
  • How did the mexican girl get pregnant? The teacher told her to make an essay.
  • My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years. Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.
  • A mathematician was pregnant Her friend asked her:
    - Boy or girl?
    - Yes.

Pregnant Mom Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnant mom jokes and even better pregnant mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common? Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em
  • What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common? They both thought "my Mom's gonna kill me."
  • What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common? They both think,"Oh god, my mom is going to kill me".
  • What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time? "My mom is going to kill me"
  • What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share? They both think, Mom's probably going to kill me
  • Son, you were adopted! - what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
    - No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up!
  • Mom I'm Pregnant.... -Mom I think I'm pregnant
    -Are you drunk?
    -How do you know?
    -A mother knows everything Kevin...
  • the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
  • One step at a time Divorced dad: Son I'm going to marry again
    Son: so I'm going to have a step mom
    Dad: also she is pregnant
    Son: oh no please one step at a time
  • I'd like to thank my dad for always being there for me From the day I was conceived to the day he found out my mom was pregnant
Pregnant joke, I'd like to thank my dad for always being there for me

Silly & Ridiculous Pregnant Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about pregnant you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean expecting mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pregnant prank.

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.

Guys, abortion may be i**... soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she's an anti-vaxxer.

Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you'll only have to pay for 3.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

The pregnant lady sitting across from me laughed

"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.
"It's an inside joke."

Dad my girlfriends pregnant

"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."

Success is like being pregnant

Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

10 years ago I went camping at yellow stone and my wife got pregnant.

2 years later I went camping at Yellowstone and my wife got pregnant again.
After that when I went camping at Yellowstone I took my wife with me.

My friend's girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.

Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed.

My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.

The dentist looks and says "you have a bad tooth we are going to have to pull it"
The lady says "I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled"
The dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair"

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."

A woman awakens from a coma, no longer pregnant.

"Congratulations! You delivered a boy and a girl!" The nurse said.
"That's great! Who named them?" She asked.
"Your husband did. He named the boy Jason."
"I like that. What about the girl?"
"Jadaughter."

How do you know you're at a m**... wedding?

The bride isn't pregnant but her mother is

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."

I just made love to my girlfriend

She asked, "If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?"
I took off my c**..., tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
"Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini".

What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?

One d**... who never pulls out in time

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."

Catholic girl goes into confessional

Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."

What hurts the worst?

A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.

I said, "It's likely w**...-temperature."

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A s**...

I got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant.

Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"

Two women are discussing their love lives

Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."

A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."
The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?

She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!

So God's getting ready to go on vaction...

And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

How does a pregnant mermaid give birth?

"Sea-section"
Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.

My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...

...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.

why is my wife pregnant?

A man told the doctor, "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't had s**... in over a year. I don't understand it."

The doctor said, "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."

"What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well, somebody's obviously had it in for you."

 

Pregnant joke, why is my wife pregnant?

jokes about pregnant

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pregnant jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.