Pregnant Girl Jokes
114 pregnant girl jokes and hilarious pregnant girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnant girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pregnant Girl Short Jokes
Short pregnant girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnant girl humour may include short pregnant lady jokes also.
- My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
- So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
2. Mary ends up pregnant
3. ???
4. Prophet - Doctor Am I pregnant? A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant
Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant...
Girl: Am I?
Doc: No it just looks like you are - After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - What did a burnt pizza, pregnant girl and frozen beer can have in common? Nobody pulled out it time.
- April Fools! girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father - My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years. Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.
- I really counted on my vasectomy to keep my girl from getting pregnant... but apparently it only changes the baby's skin color...
- Why did the 14 year old mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
- My wife gave birth the other day. Turns out birth control doesn't stop a girl from getting pregnant, it just changes the color of the baby.
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Pregnant Girl One Liners
Which pregnant girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnant girl? I can suggest the ones about pregnant woman and baby girl.
- My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
- What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant Her legs...
- Why did the Latino girl come to class pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay.
- How did the mexican girl get pregnant? The teacher told her to make an essay.
- A mathematician was pregnant Her friend asked her:
- Boy or girl?
- Yes. - Why don't smart girls ever get pregnant? Because they use their head.
- What's the best way to get an Amish girl pregnant? Two mennonite..
- Socks and sandals are like condoms There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant
- I told my pregnant girl friend that she was as big as a 747. That did not fly.
- Girl: Honey, Im pregnant. Boy: Hi Pregnant, Im Dad
Girl: No you're not - Why did the Amish girl keep getting pregnant? Too many mennonite.
- Why did a Mexican girl get pregnant? She was told to do an essay in school.
- What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- A girl tells a guy that she can't get pregnant... ...turns out that he wasn't lying.
- How do you get an Indian girl pregnant? Poppadom.
Cheerful Fun Pregnant Girl Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about pregnant girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean young girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pregnant girl pranks.
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a t**... and see if all of the cotton is picked.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...
Were sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Each of them were pregnant and having a chat.
"I'm going to have a boy cause I was on top" the brunette said. "Ah well then I'm going to have a girl cause I was on bottom" the redhead replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then started to cry. The other two looked at her concerned and the brunette asked "What's wrong honey?" Then the blonde replied through her sobs "I'm going to have puppies!"
I asked a pregnant woman if it's going to be a boy or a girl.
"They're questioning," she replied.
So God's getting ready to go on vaction...
And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'
Not Pregnant
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
what does a frozen beer, burnt pizza, and pregnant girl all have in common?
they all happened because some d**... didn't pull it out in time.
What a relief!
I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"...
She ended up leaving me for a midget.
Be careful of your aim
A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
A pregnant lady is sitting at a bus stop...
A guy walks up and asks, "what are you expecting?"
The girl replies the obvious, "the bus."
The man turns to his friend and whispers, "dude, I think she s**... a transformer!"
You know when you lie, things can get out of hand very quickly.......
For example I heard about a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant and now there is an entire religion.
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common?
Someone that didn't take it out in time.
I got a girl pregnant in high school.
Her son grew to be 6 foot 7 (200 cm). Biggest mistake I ever made.
A Transformer Baby!
Few Kids and a pregnant lady was standing at Bus stop..
kid: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got s**... by a Transformer
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
Catholic girl goes into confessional
Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."
Coma Pregnancy
A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"
Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.
The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"
so many poor jokes, where to begin?
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead, all heavily pregnant, are waiting for a scan; the brunette says 'I was on top, so I'm going to have a bay', the redhead responds with 'I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl', at which point the blonde bursts into tears. The other two manage to calm her down, and ask what is wrong? 'I'm going to have puppies!'
You have to be really sneaky to get a girl pregnant
The trick is to never let them know that you're coming.
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
Contest in Girls College About s**... and Mystery
Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, s**... and mystery.
Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!
A pregnant woman got in a car wreck and went into a coma.
While in the coma, she gave birth to twins.
4 months later she woke up asking where her kids were.
The nurse informed her she had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and her brother has been taking care of them.
The woman said "Oh no, not my idiot brother. What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise" the nurse said.
"Oh, that's not bad. What about the boy"
The nurse replied "Da-nephew"
Did you know Chewbacca got a girl pregnant the first time he had s**...
It was a Wookie mistake
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN....
The brunette says "I was on top, so I'm gonna have a boy."
The redhead says "I was on the bottom, so I'm gonna have a girl."
The blonde bursts into tears and says, "I'm gonna have puppies!"
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
How does a black girl know shes pregnant?
When all the cotton is picked off her t**....
Might be their last one...
At school one day the teacher said to one of her students "So Johnny, I hear your mom is pregnant."
"Yep," said Johnny, "And I know what they are going to name it."
"Really," said the teacher, "what are they going to name it?"
"Well," he said, "If it's a girl, they are going to name it Charlene, and if it's a boy like me they are going to call it Quits."
How did the blind girl accidentally get pregnant?
As careful as she tried to be, she could never have seen him coming
I just had s**... with a pregnant girl
and told my buddies I had a t**...
I'm pregnant...
A girl calls her boyfriend nervously. "j**..., I'm pregnant..." There's a long pause before the boy replies"...hi pregnant, I'm dad." Another awkward paid follows before she replies "Actually..."
How do you make a Vietnamese girl pregnant and rich at the same time?
Give her the d**....
A pregnant woman goes into a coma
A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."
I had s**... with a girl at an apple orchid and she ended up getting pregnant...
It's probably because I came in cider.
A Chinese girl was pregnant at the age of 14. Her name was
Sum Yong h**....
Girl finds out that she's pregnant...
And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; "Have you had a check-up?"
Girl says; "No, he was Polish"
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
A Catholic girl walks into a confessional and says "Father, I think I may be pregnant."
He replies "How did this happen, my child?"
She says "It must be the second coming."
The Priest is shocked by this statement and asks "What makes you think this?"
She replies "Because I swallowed the first."
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...
While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.
The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"
Overheard at the Gynecologist Office:
A blonde, a brunette & red head are waiting to be seen at the Gynecologist office. All three are pregnant. They start talking to eachother about their babies.
Brunette: I'm going to have a boy because I was on top during s**....
Redhead: Well, I was on the bottom during s**... so I'm having a girl.
Blonde: Oh my God! I'm going to have puppies!!!
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
Guy gets woman pregnant.
Her: "hey Babe I'm pregnant! I can't wait to see if it will be a boy or a girl! What would you want it to be?"
Him: "A Joke!..."
*sarcastically* "What do you want it to be!?"
Her:"YOURS!"
3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".
The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".
Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
Why couldn't the boy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant?
Because he had a hallow-w**....
A couple were making love when
Girl: t**... c**....
Boy: Why?
Girl: Because YOLO
Boy: What does that mean?
Girl: You only live once.
Boy: Well, if you get pregnant then you're YOYO.
Girl: What does that mean?
Boy: You're on your own
A woman is pregnant with twins
but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.
The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.
What? she exclaims, what did he name them?
He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.
Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?
Denephew.
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
A woman who is a month pregnant falls into a deep coma. Three months after giving birth, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby...
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?
Woman: Of course, the good news.
Doctor: You had twins, both girls, and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them.
Woman: Oh, that drummer... What did he name the girls?
Doctor: Anna 1, Anna 2
A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.
Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.
"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.
I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.
Two pregnant women on a bench were talking to each other.
They saw a fat guy with a big belly. On seeing the fat guy, one said, " I will give birth to a handsome boy." On this the other said, " I will give birth to you a beautiful girl."
With intention to make fun of the guy , they asked the fat guy, "What are you gonna give birth to?"
He said I am gonna give birth to a young elephant and drops his pants.
" See, the trunk's coming out".
My girlfriend is very insecure about relationships
It probably didn't help when I told her I've never broken up with a girl who wasn't pregnant.
A pregnant lady went into a coma
Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant
"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"
"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked
"Denise"
"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"
"Denephew"
Three pregnant women: a brunette, a redhead and a blonde are sitting in a bar.
The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have."
The redhead asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I conceived, so I will have a baby boy".
The redhead said, "If the logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was at the bottom when I concieved.
The blonde starts crying, orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
You know the fool-proof method to get your girl pregnant right?
Wait until the perfect Friday night and treat her real fine. I'm talking start with chocolate, flowers, the works. Dress in y'alls Sunday best and go to the best Italian place in town. Wine her and dine her then take her home. Take it slow but start getting her real hot. I'm talking wet enough to drown a fish. Once you've done every single step, in that order, absolutely perfectly, you call me over.
- Mum, mum!
- Yes, Katie, what's going on?
- Can an 8 year old girl become pregnant?
- No. Of course not
- Hooray!!
Why was the girl amazed at her ability to get pregnant from the world's smallest man?
Because she didn't know she had it in her.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all sitting in the waiting room waiting to see their OB/GYN.
The brunette turns to the group and says, I'm pregnant and I'm having a boy . The redhead asked her how she knows and the brunette tells her, I was on top when we conceived .
The redhead then says, well in that case I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom .
The blonde jumps up and starts screaming, Oh God, I'm going to have puppies!
