Pregnant Blondes Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

[Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant?

"Is it mine"?

Wine Taster!

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Marine A-4 pilot drunk and with a ragged dirty look came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink.

The old pilot tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct", said the boss. "Another glass, please."

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."

"It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive," calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it, "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

My dad's go to joke...

So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN....

The brunette says "I was on top, so I'm gonna have a boy."

The redhead says "I was on the bottom, so I'm gonna have a girl."

The blonde bursts into tears and says, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the sex of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.

The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!

The wine taster

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"

A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead are all pregnant and waiting for an ultrasound in the doctor's office.

As they are waiting, they begin to discuss what gender they each think their babies are going to be.

Well I know my baby is going to be a girl, said the Brunette. My husband and I were doing it missionary style when she was conceived.

Mine will be a boy! Said the redhead. I was riding on top of him when I got pregnant.

This causes the Blonde to burst hysterically into tears.

What's wrong? The other two asked.

I'm going to have puppies!

THE WINE TASTER

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said, It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass...
This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.
"Correct."
A third glass...
"It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."

Three pregnant women

a redhead, brunette, and blonde, are sitting in a Doctors office waiting to find out what sex their babies will be. They start chatting while they wait and the brunette says "I've heard that if the man is on top during conception you will have a boy, so I'm definitely having a son." The redhead responds "Well if that's the case then I'm having a baby girl, because I was on top." The two women then notice that the blonde has started crying, and ask her what is wrong. Between sobs she looks up and says, "I think I'm having a puppy."

There was a middle-aged couple...

who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and, sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child: "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

Did you hear about the blond who got pregnant?

She wasn't sure if the baby was hers!

Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the sex of their babies.

The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."

The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."

Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.

"I'm going to have puppies!"

so many poor jokes, where to begin?

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead, all heavily pregnant, are waiting for a scan; the brunette says 'I was on top, so I'm going to have a bay', the redhead responds with 'I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl', at which point the blonde bursts into tears. The other two manage to calm her down, and ask what is wrong? 'I'm going to have puppies!'

What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant?

I hope it's not mine

A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...

The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you sexually active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"

Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't sexually active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."

Blonde Joke

Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.


Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.


Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.


Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."

A blonde goes to her gynecologist...



A blonde goes to her gynecologist and tells the doctor that no matter how hard she and her husband have tried, she just can't get pregnant.

The doctor says, OK, take off your clothes and lay down on the table.

The blonde says, Um, all right. But I was really hoping to have my husband's baby.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...

Were sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Each of them were pregnant and having a chat.
"I'm going to have a boy cause I was on top" the brunette said. "Ah well then I'm going to have a girl cause I was on bottom" the redhead replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then started to cry. The other two looked at her concerned and the brunette asked "What's wrong honey?" Then the blonde replied through her sobs "I'm going to have puppies!"

a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...

are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"

Blonde Special

The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

Doctor to blonde "You are pregnant"

Blonde "Gosh, I hope it's not mine"

What did the pregnant blonde ask at the doctor's office?

...Is it mine?

A drunk applies for a job...

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged – dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away! They tested him

They gave him a glass with a drink – he tried it and said, it's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. That's correct said the boss.

Another glass. it's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels correct

Now, the director was astonished – amazed

He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it ! it's of a blonde -26 years old- pregnant ! Probably third month now – and if you don't give me the job, i'll tell who the father is !

He got the job!

A blonde woman is at the doctor's office

Blonde: I can't pregnant!

Doctor: Okay, how often do you and your boyfriend have sex?

Blonde: Every night!

Doctor: Do you use any sort of protection?

Blonde: No. And I even swallow every time.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...

While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.

The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"

A blonde goes to the doctor

...and finds out she is pregnant with twins.

She starts crying, and the doctor asks her what's wrong.

She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

A blond, a brunette and a redhead, all three pregnant, are in the waiting room of their OBI-GYN . . .

and they are chatting about what motherhood is going to be like. The talk drifts to whether they think their respective babies will be boys or girls. "Well," said the redhead, "I wouldn't be surprised if I had a boy, since whenever my partner and I have sex, he's always on top and I heard that makes for a boy." The brunette says, "If that's the case, then I must be going to have a girl, since when my partner and I have sex, I'm always on top." The blond starts to sniffle, then bursts out crying. The other two ask her what's wrong. "Oh no!" the blond wails. "I'm going to have a puppy!"

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?

She blew both of them

Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.

Overheard at the Gynecologist Office:

A blonde, a brunette & red head are waiting to be seen at the Gynecologist office. All three are pregnant. They start talking to eachother about their babies.

Brunette: I'm going to have a boy because I was on top during sex.

Redhead: Well, I was on the bottom during sex so I'm having a girl.

Blonde: Oh my God! I'm going to have puppies!!!

Condom holes

I'm starting to suspect my blonde girlfriend wants to become pregnant. She keeps poking holes in my condoms before we have sex. I just wish she would do it before I put it on.

A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents

Blonde: Oh by the way IΒ΄m pregnant

Parents (simultaneously): YouΒ΄re WHAT!?!

Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, IΒ΄m not even sure itΒ΄s mine

A blonde lady goes to the doctor and says, 'Doctor, I think I might be pregnant...'

The doctor says, 'Have you had a check up recently?'
She replies, 'No. I think he might've been German.'

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins.

She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor.


"Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant."
The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?"
She says, "Because it's started missing its period."

Blonde joke (short)

A blonde tells her husband she thinks she's pregnant and sends him off to the store to buy a pregnancy test. As he's leaving she says buy two in case it's twins.

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant.

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"

What are the funniest pregnant blondes jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pregnant Blondes? Well, here are the best Pregnant Blondes puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pregnant Blondes pick up lines to share with friends.

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