Pregnancy Test Jokes

58 pregnancy test jokes and hilarious pregnancy test puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnancy test that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Pregnancy Test Short Jokes

Short pregnancy test jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnancy test humour may include short pregnancy jokes also.

  1. Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test. She clearly isn't a fan of protection
  2. Two blondes talking... "I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
    "Oh dear, were the questions hard?"
  3. Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"
  4. You don't have to study for a pregnancy test... but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.
  5. Mom always told me to be positive... So in a way, this pregnancy test is actually her fault.
  6. I was a bit worried so I took a pregnancy test My mom will be proud, this is my first time passing a test!
  7. PREGNANCY TEST! Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail?
    Dad: To pass obviously
  8. At my school we were great at passing all the tests... Both pregnancy _and_ paternity tests.
  9. Blonde joke (short) A blonde tells her husband she thinks she's pregnant and sends him off to the store to buy a pregnancy test. As he's leaving she says buy two in case it's twins.
  10. My buddy asks me what a pregnancy test is for. He says, they are the magic wand that make men disappear.

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Pregnancy Test One Liners

Which pregnancy test one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnancy test? I can suggest the ones about blood test and paternity test.

  1. This pregnancy test I just took confirmed my worst fear. I'm just fat.
  2. Two blondes meet, one says: "I did a pregnancy test today." The other one: "Was it hard?"
  3. Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test? Because its period came too late.
  4. Unless you're a pregnancy test.... Take your negativity elsewhere.
  5. What's the only positive from living in the ghetto? Pregnancy tests
  6. My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend Congratulations either way
  7. What's the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test? A period.
  8. What is one positive thing that's actually really negative? A pregnancy test
  9. How do I confuse people? buying condoms and pregnancy testing kits together
  10. What's the alternative name for the pregnancy test? Maybe baby
  11. What did Ron say to Hermione when her pregnancy test showed up positive? *fetus deletus*
  12. What do you call a failed unexpected pregnancy test? Relief.
  13. I took a pregnancy test today Turns out, I'm just fat.
  14. What does a stripper call a pregnancy test? A w**...-o-scope!
  15. How do you test for pregnancy in Harlem? See if the t**...'s cotton was picked.

Rib-Tickling Pregnancy Test Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about pregnancy test you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pregnant woman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pregnancy test pranks.

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"

Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
A: Because she slept with more than o**....

A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a grocery store and gets shot 3 times in the stomach during a robbery...

She is rushed to the hospital and all known tests are run on her. The doctor approaches her and tells her the children are all fine, but it's too late in the pregnancy to safely remove the bullets. They would fall out in their own time.
The woman gives birth to 3 healthy kids. Two girls, and a boy.
16 years later, the first little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
The mother reassures her daughter and explains the story to her.
The next week, the second little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
So again, the mother reassures her daughter and explains the story.
The next week, the boy comes in distraught. There are tears running down his face and he is crying hard.
The mother takes a look at him worried and says "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet fell out?"
The boy responds "no! I was m**... and I shot the dog!"

One blonde talking to another one: "Yesterday i took a pregnancy test"

"Oh, wow, were the questions hard?"

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"

MasterCard Commercial

***Pregnancy Tests***
$20 at the grocery store, $1 at the dollar store
Waiting to find out?

From Sickipedia

My girlfriend showed me the positive pregnancy test with an apprehensive look in her eyes. "We are keeping it, aren't we?"
"Why?" I asked, surprised. "I thought you can use them only once"

A woman brings her items to the resister

A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter
Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"

My attempt at a s**... math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

Blonde Special

The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.

While she screamed and stomped around the house, k**... and hitting whatever she came into contact with, her father walked over.
With a pitiful eye, he looked at me and said, "You should have worn a c**...."
I said, "I'm not the only one."

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were in the hospital.

They were there for some pregnancy tests. They began discussing the gender of their babies based on the s**... position they were concieved.
The brunette said, "I am going to have a son because I was at the bottom."
The redhead said, "I am going to have a daughter because I was at the top."
The blonde suddenly began crying. When the other two asked her what was wrong, she said, "I am going to have puppies!"
Disclaimer: This joke was told to me by an old friend and while I'm sure it has been posted here before, I wanted it to be my first post.

A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.

She says "No!"
He doesn't believe her and asks her again.
"Dad, I swear I'm not!"
He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"
Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."

My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test.

Pretty odd place to do c**... if you ask me.

Probably posted somewhere else, can't remember tho

So I walk into my house to my girlfriend holding a positive pregnancy test we exchanged the following conversation:
- (my name) i'm pregnant
Seeing the joke right before my eyes, I followed with:
- hi pregnant, i'm dad
- ummm about that..... you're uncle, is that ok?

A blonde takes a pregnancy test and it comes out positive...

After telling her boyfriend she cries 'How are we going to afford so many babies?'
He says 'It couldn't tell you that, how many did it say we're having?'

Gave my blonde girlfriend 4 pregnancy tests today.

She rang me back sobbing, o**...! How am I going to look after 4 kids?


He swore blind he had recently had a vasectomy and now a few weeks later she was sitting on her bathroom floor surrounded by positive pregnancy tests.
She rang him demanding an explanation and he replied I had to sit in Accident and Emergency for two days with a flowerpot glued to my g**... before they finally removed it. What would you b**... call it? .
She told him what she thought he had meant and managed a rueful smile over the complications arising from the vase difference.