The Best 84 Pregnancy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pregnancy jokes. There are some pregnancy pregnant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pregnancy pregnancy q a puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pregnancy Jokes and Puns

A married couple is having a baby...

As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.

You don't have to study for a pregnancy test...

but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

Two blondes talking...

"I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
"Oh dear, were the questions hard?"

Pregnancy joke, Two blondes talking...

I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy

but I realized it was all about the delivery


I'm too smart to want children, but not smart enough to make *her* not want 'em.

Not sure I heard right but...

My girlfriend plans to avoid pregnancy by having an IED fitted.

i'm really nervous about getting my girlfriend's pregnancy results back...

and i'm not even the one who'll have to raise the baby alone!

Pregnancy joke, i'm really nervous about getting my girlfriend's pregnancy results back...

A woman brings her items to the resister

A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter

Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"

Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?

Because its period came too late.

Why does the Nuvaring make pregnancy more unlikely?

It's another hoop to hump through!

"How did the blind girl explain her pregnancy?"

She said she didn't see him coming

You can explore pregnancy conception reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pregnancy fetus dad jokes. There are also pregnancy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a faked pregnancy?

A misconception.

Coma Pregnancy

A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.

When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.

She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?

"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"

If you want to prevent pregnancy use two condoms and...

Fill chille powder in between. If outer one breaks she will know if inner one breaks you will know..

My attempt at a sexy math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is missionary. After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

Pregnancy joke, The vaccine conspiracy

A woman is pregnant with twins.

A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.

"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.

"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.

That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"


Pregnancy Cravings...

My parents were recently discussing my pregnant cousin, who has been craving ice cream throughout here pregnancy, so I thought I'd ask my mother what she craved through her pregnancy.

"An abortion" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

There is nothing wrong with drinking while pregnant... wife drank through all five months of her pregnancy.

My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her.

It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.

Some women bounce back quickly after pregnancy..

some just bounce

How do you call unexpected pregnancy in German?

Kinder Surprise

Man and Women in Diffrent Combinations

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant..

Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"

C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy.

Because it's not delivery.

What do an IUD and an IED have in common?

They both prevent pregnancy.

^I'm ^sorry


Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail?

Dad: To pass obviously


The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.

While she screamed and stomped around the house, kicking and hitting whatever she came into contact with, her father walked over.

With a pitiful eye, he looked at me and said, "You should have worn a condom."

I said, "I'm not the only one."

Pregnancy is like a black ops mission

They're both expensive to abort.

I was having dinner celebrating my wifes pregnancy and she asked "How many vegetables would you like dear?"

I said "One please"
She said " Perfect because I've contracted the Zika virus"

What's the only positive from living in the ghetto?

Pregnancy tests

The right to life group would like you to abstain from sex while you are under the weather,

Any resulting pregnancy would be ill conceived.

Pregnancy in the 1940's.

(Doc) - "Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"....
(Patient) - "Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"....
(Doc) - "Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you"....

How are cancer and pregnancy similar?

They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.

What does a pregnancy and alcoholism have in common?

They can both be ended with a twelve step program

At my school we were great at passing all the tests...

Both pregnancy _and_ paternity tests.


Me: "I don't understand how my wife became pregnant. We haven't had sex for over a year."
Doctor: "It's what we call a grudge pregnancy. Somebody's obviously had it in for you."

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy

So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.

This pregnancy test I just took confirmed my worst fear.

I'm just fat.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"

What's the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test?

A period.

Bob Ross wasn't a planned pregnancy

He was a happy little accident

Phantom Pregnancy

I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.

I kid you not.

"We all make mistakes"

Quoting your parents during pregnancy.

Define contraceptive pill?

It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!

A man walks into a library and asks for a book about pregnancy.

The librarian tells him it's in the C-section.

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...

Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.

She says "No!"

He doesn't believe her and asks her again.

"Dad, I swear I'm not!"

He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"

Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."

On the First Day of Christmas, my True Love Gave To me....

An unwanted pregnancy.

Mom always told me to be positive...

So in a way, this pregnancy test is actually her fault.

My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test.

Pretty odd place to do cocaine if you ask me.

Two blondes meet, one says: "I did a pregnancy test today."

The other one: "Was it hard?"

9 months of pregnancy are the best times to drink

...since you are never drinking alone

What is one positive thing that's actually really negative?

A pregnancy test

Did you know that bus drivers are good for more than driving the bus.

Thanks to them the pregnancy rate in nuns has dropped drastically

Blonde Joke

Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.

Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.

Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.

Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."

I was a bit worried so I took a pregnancy test

My mom will be proud, this is my first time passing a test!

what animal has the lowest pregnancy rate?

the pull-out-a-puss

Unless you're a pregnancy test....

Take your negativity elsewhere.

"My wife can't be pregnant!"

A man shouted over the phone to the family doctor. "I've been traveling overseas for the past 10 months!"

"We call that a grudge pregnancy," the doctor said. "Someone had it in for you."

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

What do you call an accidental pregnancy in Canada?

A Tinder egg.

A good joke is like pregnancy

You could have the best setup, but its all over if the delivery goes wrong

How do I confuse people?

buying condoms and pregnancy testing kits together

I once told story about pregnancy that nobody understood except for my twin sister

It was our little inside joke

Teen pregnancy is horrible...

It creates child labor.

There are two types of parents...

The ones who had their child through an accidental pregnancy, and the liars.

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

When it comes to punctuation & pregnancy scares,

periods are better late than never.

Pregnancy Chances

Did you know that your chances of getting pregnant are hereditary. Chances are that if your parents didn't get pregnant, you won't either.

Probably posted somewhere else, can't remember tho

So I walk into my house to my girlfriend holding a positive pregnancy test we exchanged the following conversation:

- (my name) i'm pregnant

Seeing the joke right before my eyes, I followed with:

- hi pregnant, i'm dad

- ummm about that..... you're uncle, is that ok?

How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?

After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another

West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions

Not The Onion.

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn't a fan of protection

Ruth got fired while she was on pregnancy leave

Her company is just ruthless

A blonde takes a pregnancy test and it comes out positive...

After telling her boyfriend she cries 'How are we going to afford so many babies?'

He says 'It couldn't tell you that, how many did it say we're having?'


Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.

What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?

The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."

Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,

"You boys are nuts."

To all the women who are going to be making pregnancy announcements today...

You aren't fooling anyone, you've been showing for months.

A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend

Congratulations either way

My wife wanted me to have a special surprise...

… so she drank during her whole pregnancy.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pregnancy maternity jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pregnancy vaginal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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