Pregnancy Jokes

129 pregnancy jokes and hilarious pregnancy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pregnancy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From pregnancy scares to pregnancy announcements, get ready for some rib-tickling jokes about all things pregnancy! From examining the joys of pregnancy hormones and analyzing the struggles of conception to exploring the physical changes of the trimesters, this article has pregnancy jokes that will have you in stitches. Whether it's jokes about pregnancy labor, pregnancy fat or the classic pregnancy bump, these hilarious jokes will make you laugh out loud. Get excited with this collection of hilarious pregnancy jokes today!

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jokes about pregnancy

Best Short Pregnancy Jokes

Short pregnancy puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pregnancy humour may include short pregnant jokes also.

  1. My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her. It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.
  2. There is nothing wrong with drinking while pregnant... wife drank through all five months of her pregnancy.
  3. What's the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies? Both mean you won't be seeing a period for a little while.
  4. Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test. She clearly isn't a fan of protection
  5. I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy but I realized it was all about the delivery
  6. Phantom Pregnancy I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.
    I kid you not.
  7. I got a vasectomy last year. Turns out they don't prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.
  8. Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate? Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out
  9. I always felt proud when my mum told people that of all her kids, I was her easiest pregnancy and birth. Then I turned 21 and found out that I was adopted.
  10. Two blondes talking... "I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
    "Oh dear, were the questions hard?"
Pregnancy joke, Two blondes talking...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pregnancy can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pregnancy puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Pregnancy One Liners

Which pregnancy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pregnancy? I can suggest the ones about maternity and abortion.

  1. How do you call unexpected pregnancy in German? Kinder Surprise
  2. This pregnancy test I just took confirmed my worst fear. I'm just fat.
  3. C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy. Because it's not delivery.
  4. Teen pregnancy? More like *child labour*
  5. Pregnancy is like a black ops mission They're both expensive to abort.
  6. What do an IUD and an IED have in common? They both prevent pregnancy.
    ^I'm ^sorry
  7. Two blondes meet, one says: "I did a pregnancy test today." The other one: "Was it hard?"
  8. Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test? Because its period came too late.
  9. Ruth got fired while she was on pregnancy leave Her company is just ruthless
  10. Did you know teen pregnancies… Take a sharp decline at the age of 20.
  11. Bob Ross wasn't a planned pregnancy He was a happy little accident
  12. Unless you're a pregnancy test.... Take your negativity elsewhere.
  13. What do you call a faked pregnancy? A misconception.
  14. What's the only positive from living in the ghetto? Pregnancy tests
  15. "How did the blind girl explain her pregnancy?" She said she didn't see him coming

Pregnancy Test Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnancy test jokes and even better pregnancy test puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"
  • You don't have to study for a pregnancy test... but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.
  • Mom always told me to be positive... So in a way, this pregnancy test is actually her fault.
  • I was a bit worried so I took a pregnancy test My mom will be proud, this is my first time passing a test!
  • My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend Congratulations either way
  • What's the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test? A period.
  • What is one positive thing that's actually really negative? A pregnancy test
  • PREGNANCY TEST! Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail?
    Dad: To pass obviously
  • How do I confuse people? buying condoms and pregnancy testing kits together
  • At my school we were great at passing all the tests... Both pregnancy _and_ paternity tests.

Teen Pregnancy Jokes

Here is a list of funny teen pregnancy jokes and even better teen pregnancy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I heard they're being stricter with teen pregnancies. Apparently people have problems with the child labor.
  • Teen pregnancy is horrible... It creates child labor.
  • Why aren't there any teen pregnancies at Hogwarts? *waves wand*
    Fetus deletus

Accidental Pregnancy Jokes

Here is a list of funny accidental pregnancy jokes and even better accidental pregnancy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do accidental pregnancies and locked cars both have in common? Both can be fixed with a coathanger.
  • Why aren't vampires afraid of accidental pregnancies? Because they can only come inside when invited.
  • What do you call an accidental pregnancy in Canada? A Tinder egg.
  • There are two types of parents... The ones who had their child through an accidental pregnancy, and the liars.

Pregnancy Announcement Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnancy announcement jokes and even better pregnancy announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • To all the women who are going to be making pregnancy announcements today... You aren't fooling anyone, you've been showing for months.
  • Doctors are amazed and shocked at the announcement of Amy Schumers pregnancy... 'We know we share a lot of DNA with pigs but we didn't think a male human could get one pregnant!'
  • Wife nixed my rabbit tandoori pregnancy announcement photos. I wanted to let everyone know we have a bun in the oven.
Pregnancy joke, Wife nixed my rabbit tandoori pregnancy announcement photos.

Unearthly Funniest Pregnancy Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about pregnancy you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean pregnant woman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pregnancy prank.

A married couple is having a baby...

As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.


I'm too smart to want children, but not smart enough to make *her* not want 'em.

i'm really nervous about getting my girlfriend's pregnancy results back...

and i'm not even the one who'll have to raise the baby alone!

A woman brings her items to the resister

A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter
Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"

Coma Pregnancy

A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"

If you want to prevent pregnancy use two condoms and...

Fill chille powder in between. If outer one breaks she will know if inner one breaks you will know..

My attempt at a s**... math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

A woman is pregnant with twins.

A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"

Pregnancy Cravings...

My parents were recently discussing my pregnant cousin, who has been craving ice cream throughout here pregnancy, so I thought I'd ask my mother what she craved through her pregnancy.
"An abortion" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

I don't know why people get so upset about failed pregnancies...

I mean, the baby is still born. (sorry)

Fewer US schools are selling candy, soda and chips to students

After all, that stuff is horrible for pregnancies!

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.

While she screamed and stomped around the house, k**... and hitting whatever she came into contact with, her father walked over.
With a pitiful eye, he looked at me and said, "You should have worn a c**...."
I said, "I'm not the only one."

Pregnancy in the 1940's.

(Doc) - "Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"....
(Patient) - "Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"....
(Doc) - "Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you"....

How are cancer and pregnancy similar?

They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.

What does a pregnancy and alcoholism have in common?

They can both be ended with a twelve step program


Me: "I don't understand how my wife became pregnant. We haven't had s**... for over a year."
Doctor: "It's what we call a grudge pregnancy. Somebody's obviously had it in for you."

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy

So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"

Define contraceptive pill?

It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...
Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.

She says "No!"
He doesn't believe her and asks her again.
"Dad, I swear I'm not!"
He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"
Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test.

Pretty odd place to do c**... if you ask me.

Did you know that bus drivers are good for more than driving the bus.

Thanks to them the pregnancy rate in nuns has dropped drastically

Blonde Joke

Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."

what animal has the lowest pregnancy rate?

the pull-out-a-p**...

How are car parks like unplanned pregnancies

Accidents happen when people don't pull out carefully.

"My wife can't be pregnant!"

A man shouted over the phone to the family doctor. "I've been traveling overseas for the past 10 months!"
"We call that a grudge pregnancy," the doctor said. "Someone had it in for you."

A good joke is like pregnancy

You could have the best setup, but its all over if the delivery goes wrong

I once told story about pregnancy that nobody understood except for my twin sister

It was our little inside joke

A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...

Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

When it comes to punctuation & pregnancy scares,

periods are better late than never.

Pregnancy Chances

Did you know that your chances of getting pregnant are hereditary. Chances are that if your parents didn't get pregnant, you won't either.

Probably posted somewhere else, can't remember tho

So I walk into my house to my girlfriend holding a positive pregnancy test we exchanged the following conversation:
- (my name) i'm pregnant
Seeing the joke right before my eyes, I followed with:
- hi pregnant, i'm dad
- ummm about that..... you're uncle, is that ok?

What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone?

"u**... my way."

West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions

Not The Onion.

Twins are the BOGO of pregnancies

Buy one get one free

Three blonde women are talking about their pregnancies

The first one says: "Whenever we have s**..., my husband is always on top. So that means I'm having a baby boy."
The second one says: "That means I'm having a baby girl because I'm always the one on top."
Suddenly the third blonde starts crying hysterically and exclaims: "I'm having puppies!"

A blonde takes a pregnancy test and it comes out positive...

After telling her boyfriend she cries 'How are we going to afford so many babies?'
He says 'It couldn't tell you that, how many did it say we're having?'

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the m**... when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!

A barbarian s**... in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to o**... s**... only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.
Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

3 pregnant ladies in a coffee shop

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in a coffee shop talking about their pregnancies.
The brunette says to the other 2 that I heard if you have s**... on top, your more likely to have a boy
The redhead say oh that must mean I'm likely to have a girl
There was a pause and then the blonde say Uh Oh imma be having puppies!

The Greek learned you could avoid pregnancies by using sheep intestines.

The English later learned it also works if you remove it from the sheep first.

Pregnancy joke, The Greek learned you could avoid pregnancies by using sheep intestines.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pregnancy jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.