Preferred Jokes

I posed n**... for a magazine today

Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money

I was surprised Oscar Pistorius owned a gun in the first place.

I would have thought he preferred blades.

Some guys are talking about pets...

They get to talking about how good big dogs are because they can make good guard dogs.

One of the guys says "I preferred my old chihuahua pebbles better. And no other dog made me feel safer! He died killing a rabid full grown doberman for me!"

The other guys are confused and ask how that was even possible.

"The doberman choked to death."

Me and my friend were having a nerdy debate over our preferred methods of backing up computer data...

I told him cloud storage was overRAIDed.

What is the bass players preferred method of contraception?

His personality.

My friend got me a sweater for Christmas...

I would have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but she did the trick.

What is a Statistician's preferred method of killing people ?

Poisson Distribution

What's a frog's preferred fastener?

Rivet.

What currency is preferred by h**... these days?

clitcoin

I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer.

What is your preferred type of birth control?

"Well, its not preferred, but I practice abstinence."

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a c**...-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

An economist was given the choice between participating in a marathon and just a quick race.

He preferred the long run over the short run.

TIL Kurt Cobain didn't have a license.

He preferred riding shotgun

Did you know that Al Gore was booted as the drummer from his high school band and replaced with a drum machine?

It turns out they preferred a digital beat over an Al Gore rhythm…

I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer.

Credit to Steven Wright.

If you asked everyone in the world whether they preferred bunnies or rats

The results would be a little lop-sided.

Warning, you'll only get this if you understand a rudimentary amount of ancient Greek.

When an ancient Athenian was asked whether he preferred the sand or the sea, he replied:

Tha latta

Did you heard about the homosexual Highlander?

He preferred Peat over Heather.

What is the preferred rock and roll band in Greece ?

Megadebt !

What's Piccolo's preferred type of car?

DODGE!!!

I once dated a model, but I always preferred the earlier versions.

This particular one was not very user-friendly, she was high-maintenance and my friends would always borrow her for personal use.

I hate it when people want to argue over the use and meaning of words. For example, I like to think of myself as a "ladies man."

But the jury preferred the term "r**...."

I got a sweater for Xmas

I appreciate it, but I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner.

What's a bear's preferred weapon of choice?

A Grrrrrrrrrrrnade!

For my birthday my friends got me a sweater.

I would have preferred a screamer or moaner, but a sweater was fine.

I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

What is the most popular hacking tool preferred by hackers in Bangladesh?

machetes

What is the preferred drink for people in St. Cloud?

Mini Soda

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Some friends of mine had a baby.

They didn't want to know what s**... it was, instead they just preferred to wait, and see how much it earned.

I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater.

I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.

What is a Skywalker's preferred temperature?

Lukewarm.

I'll show myself out.

All my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater

I would've preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have it all

During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to s**....

Because they all ran away when I offered.

I am born to mixed-race parents

...but my mom preferred the 100 metres.

I've always preferred management over human resources

I guess that's just a personnel preference

What is a physicist's preferred city of residence?

Velo City.

A witch's preferred polyamory

Group hex

Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling?

He preferred to gut her.

What is the preferred sandwich of the working class? [OC]

A plebian-J.

Jeffrey d**... didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

Why does France have so many trees?

The Germans preferred to march in the shade.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer walk into a bar..

.. The bartender glances at them as they enter the door and starts pouring drinks. Before they reach the counter their preferred drinks are ready for them. The engineer asks the bartender "How did you know what drinks we wanted?". The bartender mumbles "Repost from yesterday"

What is the Doctor from Doctor Who's preferred console?

_Wiiii U_

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

_Wiiii U_, Wii-ii-ii U…

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?

Because he always preferred the high C's

Can you imagine going to your girlfriend's prom at 32?

Well neither could Roy Moore. He preferred freshmen.

What is the preferred candy of the elderly?

RetireMINTS.

1,000 Men Were Recently Surveyed About Women

10% of the men surveyed liked women with thin legs.

15% of the men surveyed preferred women with muscular legs.

The rest liked something in-between.

My hotel room has a partial water view!

I would have preferred oxygen but hydrogen is nice, too.

TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...

The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."

Many people consider scaramanga to be the best James Bond villain of all time.

I've always preferred scara anime.

Billy Joel always liked flowers on his piano

But on his o**... he preferred tulips

Why wouldn't the p**... eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals h**...-made.

What is the Pope's preferred method of payment?

Papal

Which gaming console is preferred by most fruits?

The kiwii.

What was Michael Jackson's preferred pronoun?

Hehe!

They took a poll one day about womens' legs...

Around 6% said they liked fat legs...
Around 3% said they liked skinny legs
The other 91% said they preferred something in between.

What is Harry Potter's preferred way of getting down an inclined path?

Walking.

.......JK, ROLLING!

What is the preferred method of birth control in Wakanda?

Wakandams.

For Father's Day my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed

I'd have preferred they made it in the kitchen but it's the thought that counts

What is a Guitarist's preferred laptop?

Asus

Surprisingly John Deere wasn't a country music fan...

He preferred Mowtown...

What's the number one social media platform preferred by aliens?

Spacebook

I asked my friend if he preferred prescriptive or descriptive linguistics....

...he said, "It's **pro**scriptive".

What is Michael Jackson's preferred pronoun?

Hee-hee

What is Harry Potter's preferred way to go down a hill?

Sliding.

jk

Rowling.

Why did Princess Leia refuse a t**... ?

Because she preferred Han SOLO.

Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person

Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.

A girl once said about me "He's the one!"

Granted I would have preferred she didn't say it in a police lineup. But you have to take what you get.

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.

Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.

What's a judge preferred breakfast?

Oathmeal

My uncle's joke he just came up with: What are chocolate's preferred pronouns?

Her, She

My Mother lived to be 98 years old, and SHE never needed glasses..

She preferred to drink straight from the bottle.

s**... joke I just made up...

There was a pair of twins called Harold and Aruld who decided to do a social experiment. Harold would act all nice, polite and friendly, whereas Aruld would act rude, outspoken and brash. They went into a few stores and conversed with some customers and staff, and afterwards a representative went in to ask who, out of the two they preferred. Strangely, Harold didn't get a single vote.

London's a weird place...

What is the sub-genre of metal preferred by most tuna fish?

Alba-core.

What's the Preferred Luxury Automobile of Sushi Chefs around the world?

Rolls Rice

I gave my friend an apple, and he told me he preferred pears.

So I gave him another apple.

What's chocolate's preferred pronouns?

Her/she

I got an eye roll from the wife on this one. I guess that's the dad joke seal of approval.

My dad used to tell me, "son, you gotta stand up and tell the truth", but instead I sat down and told a lie.

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell the truth, I just preferred de seat.

What are Michael Jackson's preferred pronouns?

He/He

What is the preferred pizza for epileptic midgets?

Little Seizures.

(I am so sorry)

What's a chocolate bars preferred pronouns?

Her/she

What is a bird's preferred movie format?

Blu-jay Disc

I got a sweater on my birthday

I would have preferred a moaner or screamer.

What do you call couples that use the rhythm method as their preferred form of birth control?

Parents

My preferred reddit username is like my preferred partner.

Both are already taken.

What are a chocolate kiss' preferred pronouns?

Her/she

What are the preferred pronouns for a Witch

He He He