Predicting Future Jokes

36 predicting future jokes and hilarious predicting future puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about predicting future that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Best Short Predicting Future Jokes

Short predicting future puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The predicting future humour may include short predict the future jokes also.

  1. I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts... 0-0
  2. birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
  3. Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
  4. I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes. I said "I knew it!!"
  5. Step 1: Travel back in time Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future
    Step 3: ???
    Step 4: Prophet
  6. [On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won't you? Her: Yes.
    Me: I knew it!!
  7. If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.
  8. Orange is the New Black predicted the future… Just take a look at our President and you'll see what I mean.
  9. Past, Future and Present Forget about the past, you can't change it.
    Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
    Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
  10. Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long?
    Because Captain Picard uses an android.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about predicting future can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of predicting future puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Predicting Future One Liners

Which predicting future one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with predicting future? I can suggest the ones about future tense and predict.

  1. What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future? Non-prophet.
  2. I can predict the future! You're about to be disappointed.
  3. What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future? A four-chin teller.
  4. What do you call a table that knows the future? A predictable!
  5. People say I am very optimistic future predicter
  6. What do ghosts use to predict the future? Horror-scopes!
  7. What aquatic animal can predict the future? Oystadamus
  8. If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?
  9. What do you call a fortune teller who can't predict the future? Unprophetable.
  10. How did the police predict the future? Their call number was 9/11.

Amusing & Witty Predicting Future Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about predicting future you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean future jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make predicting future prank.

h**... used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...

One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.

''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''
-''Really? How much?''
''10 Pence per predicted year.''
''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''
''That'll be 5 pence.''
- Herman Finkers

A wonderful birthday poem

**MARCUS:** Happy birthday, Bob. I have a poem for you.
**BOB:** Cool! Let me hear it!
**MARCUS:** Don't worry about the past — you can't change it.
Don't worry about the future — you can't predict it.
And don't worry about the present — I didn't get you one.

You won't believe how easy it is to predict the future!

All you need to do is to look into a crystal ball, purchasable from my website for only $999!
You don't believe me?
See? Exactly what I predicted!

The funniest but meanest thing I heard a parent say to his kid on her birthday.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

A man and a woman are talking

Man: I can predict the future. I know my child's last name.
But you can't.
Woman: Well I know my child is going to be mine.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these predicting future jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.