Predict The Future Jokes
38 predict the future jokes and hilarious predict the future puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about predict the future that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Predict The Future Short Jokes
Short predict the future jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The predict the future humour may include short predicting future jokes also.
- I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts... 0-0
- birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
- Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
- I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes. I said "I knew it!!"
- Step 1: Travel back in time Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Prophet - [On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won't you? Her: Yes.
Me: I knew it!! - If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.
- Orange is the New Black predicted the future… Just take a look at our President and you'll see what I mean.
- Past, Future and Present Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one. - Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long?
Because Captain Picard uses an android.
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Predict The Future One Liners
Which predict the future one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with predict the future? I can suggest the ones about predict and forecast.
- What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future? Non-prophet.
- I can predict the future! You're about to be disappointed.
- What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future? A four-chin teller.
- What do you call a table that knows the future? A predictable!
- People say I am very optimistic future predicter
- What do ghosts use to predict the future? Horror-scopes!
- What aquatic animal can predict the future? Oystadamus
- If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?
- What do you call a fortune teller who can't predict the future? Unprophetable.
- How did the police predict the future? Their call number was 9/11.
Predict The Future Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about predict the future you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean future tense jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make predict the future pranks.
h**... used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...
One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.
True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.
Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.
MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.
''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''
-''Really? How much?''
''10 Pence per predicted year.''
''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''
''That'll be 5 pence.''
- Herman Finkers
A wonderful birthday poem
**MARCUS:** Happy birthday, Bob. I have a poem for you.
**BOB:** Cool! Let me hear it!
**MARCUS:** Don't worry about the past — you can't change it.
Don't worry about the future — you can't predict it.
And don't worry about the present — I didn't get you one.
You won't believe how easy it is to predict the future!
All you need to do is to look into a crystal ball, purchasable from my website for only $999!
You don't believe me?
See? Exactly what I predicted!
The funniest but meanest thing I heard a parent say to his kid on her birthday.
Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
A man and a woman are talking
Man: I can predict the future. I know my child's last name.
But you can't.
Woman: Well I know my child is going to be mine.
How to make a lot of money by predicting the future
1) Wait until your 80+ years old
2) Dress up in a robe with a hood
3) Find dumb superstitious customers
4) Prophet