Predict Jokes

78 predict jokes and hilarious predict puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about predict that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you a fan of humor? Have you ever wished that you could accurately predict the future, like a meteorologist? This article provides an unexpected solution: use machine learning to predict jokes, before they even happen! Learn how to forecast the next assassination attempt or political scandal with incredible accuracy.

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Short Predict Jokes
Predict One Liners
Predict The Future Jokes
Predict Weather Jokes
More Predict Jokes

Best Short Predict Jokes

Short predict puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The predict humour may include short forecast jokes also.

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat
Good special f(x) though
The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts... 0-0
What do you call a formula that can predict Al Gore's dance moves? An al gore Rhythm algorithm.
Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey
Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict : Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium
Why is it called Mother Nature? Because if it were called Father Nature it would be a lot more predictable.
A man in India claimed that he could predict the price of bread at every restaurant he went to Absolute naansense
birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."

Predict joke, Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about predict can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of predict puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Predict One Liners

Which predict one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with predict? I can suggest the ones about expect and unexpected.

The ketchup shortage this year was so predictable. But I guess Heinz sight is 2020
The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey
The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey
What do you call a fat doctor who can predict the weather? A meaty urologist.
What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future? Non-prophet.
I can predict the future! You're about to be disappointed.
My wife divorced me because I'm a weatherman. That wasn't what I predicted
Grapes are so predictable at poker Eventually, they all end up raisin
My wife filed for divorce because I am a weather reporter. That was not what I predicted
What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze? Nostrildamus
Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno? Because they always wish for the green card
Did you hear the news? The guy who invented predicted text died. His funerals on funfair
When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world, that's a sign of the end times.
What do climatologists use to predict the global climate? AlGorerithums

Predict The Future Jokes

Here is a list of funny predict the future jokes and even better predict the future puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes. I said "I knew it!!"
Step 1: Travel back in time Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Prophet
[On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won't you? Her: Yes.
Me: I knew it!!
If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.
Orange is the New Black predicted the future… Just take a look at our President and you'll see what I mean.
What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future? A four-chin teller.
What do you call a table that knows the future? A predictable!
Past, Future and Present Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long?
Because Captain Picard uses an android.
People say I am very optimistic future predicter

Predict Weather Jokes

Here is a list of funny predict weather jokes and even better predict weather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather? A meaty-urologist
This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers... and 80% bathtubs.
They're predicting record highs for Wednesday. In other news the weather will be hotter than usual.
My wife didn't believe that my communist friend could predict the weather, but I said; "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris.
But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have...

Uproarious Predict Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about predict you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean future jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make predict prank.

The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'

Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary?

He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.

They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.

After all, there were plenty of red flags.

My prediction for the fight.

I predict Mayweather with a massive right hook and an uppercut to finish it. Then once he's done practicing on his girlfriend, he will lose on points to Manny.

Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030...

...maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.

George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness.

In that regard, he was on the money.

How can you predict how the next iPhone will look like?

Take the latest iPhone. Hold it in your hand. Move it closer to your face. That's what the next iPhone will look like.

Recent studies have shown that Apple is trailing behind Samsung in innovation

Experts predict that it will take at least another two years for iPhones to bring explosive features to the market.

You know, I predicted every Super Bowl winner since 1996...

the predictions may not have been *correct* but still they were predictions.

A wife asks her husband, "what would he do if she died"?

Husband: "I would go insane!"
Wife: "Would you remarry?"
Husband: "I don't know. You can't predict what an insane person would do."

Steps to success:

1. Predict the end of the world.
2. Write a book about it.
3. Prophet?

Step 1. Predict the Sun will rise in the morning

Step 2. ???
Step 3. Prophet

I predict a major trend in the years to come...

Young will become the new old

TIL There's a brief quiz that can predict your favorite wine. Take the quiz to see your ideal wine match.

1) What is your favorite wine?

My Great Grandfather managed to predict the extermination of Jews.

Everyone told him to shut up, but he wouldn't. Eventually, the theater had to kick him out of Schindler's List.

I don't get people who try to predict the next US presidential election

I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?

What do you call a man who can predict the number of fish a boat will catch?

A net prophet.

A prediction business recently shut down due to bankruptcy.

It wasn't going well to begin with, seeing as though they didn't manage make any prophets.

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

Why can't Popeye the Sailor's enemies ever predict whether or not he's purchased spinach that day?

Because no one expects the spinach acquisition!!!

The funniest but meanest thing I heard a parent say to his kid on her birthday.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

I think I'm getting better at predicting what people will do.

.
.
.
See? I knew you'd click this post.

Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens.

You won't believe how easy it is to predict the future!

All you need to do is to look into a crystal ball, purchasable from my website for only $999!
You don't believe me?
See? Exactly what I predicted!

I can successfully predict the winners of every divorce case. Here is the list:

The lawyers.

People always say "why weren't we able to predict a disaster as big as the coronavirus?"

But not everyone has 2020 vision.

Scottish engineers have developed a new technique using microwaves for sterilising ambulances. They predict it will take the time to clean one down to under ten minutes.

The problem is getting the ambulance in without breaking the glass plate at the bottom

h**... used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...

One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.

I used to be a fortune teller but all I could predict was really cold winters.

Then I found out the crystal ball shop had sold me a snow globe..

MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.

''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''
-''Really? How much?''
''10 Pence per predicted year.''
''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''
''That'll be 5 pence.''
- Herman Finkers

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;
The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.
The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.
The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.
The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.
The one who is so sure of himself, Definite Lee.
The one you can always predict, Usual Lee.
The one whose always smiling, Happy Lee.
The one in disgrace, Shameful Lee.
The one that isn't very good looking, Ug Lee
AND,
The one who likes perfection, Exact Lee
In short, I met the whole Fama Lee.

Predict joke, Today, I met Bruce Lee's <a href="/vegetarian-jokes.html" title="Vegetarian jokes">vegetarian</a> br

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these predict jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.