Predicament Jokes
17 predicament jokes and hilarious predicament puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about predicament that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Predicament Short Jokes
Short predicament jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The predicament humour may include short dilemma jokes also.
- Don't worry if you don't understand the term "universal predicament". It's a common problem.
- Jesus said 'Love they neighbour'... but one of the ten commandments is 'thou shalt not sleep with thy neighbour's wife', so this puts me in a bit of a predicament.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They voted on pizza. Then I took all their pocket money, spent it all on booze and blamed my ex-wife for their predicament.
- J. S. Bach's wife found herself in a predicament when her s**... underwear caught fire. Johann was quick to respond to her duress and blew air on the g-string.
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Predicament One Liners
Which predicament one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with predicament? I can suggest the ones about situation and trouble.
- I don't know what predicament means Oh well, it's not a huge issue anyways
Share Hilarious Predicament Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about predicament you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean circumstances jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make predicament pranks.
Long ago in a far away land,
A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.
"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our v**... girls" one of the villagers replies.
The hero then promises to help with their predicament and gets to work.
In three weeks' time, the dragon starved to death.
There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop
There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.
He was in denial.
At first I didn't know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.
But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left.
Power to the peephole.
There was once a kingdom, a long, long time ago. where a dragon would eat the virgins of the land.
Then one wonderful day, a hero came to the kingdom. The leader told the hero of their predicament. He told him that every day, the dragon would take a few virgins to his cave to eat. The hero said that he will save the kingdom, and take care of the dragon.
After two weeks, the dragon starved to death.
So the Polish guy found an ocean cruise for only $100...
His friend warned him that it was too good to be true, but he didn't listen. They sailed in the late afternoon, and right around dusk, someone conked him on the back of the head, took his wallet and dumped him overboard. Seeing a fellow passenger in the same predicament, he asked "Do they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The fellow replies "They didn't last year!"
A black guy sees an ad in the paper...
...that says, "Come and enjoy a relaxing afternoon floating down the river followed by a champagne party!" Well, the guy thinks this sounds pretty good and so heads on down to the marina. But as soon as he gets there, 3 white guys jump out of the bushes. They s**... him n**..., tie him to a log and throw him in.
So he's floating along, pondering his predicament, when he spots a p**... who's also n**... and tied to a log.
He says to the p**..., "I bet we don't get champagne, either!"
The p**... says, "We didn't last year."
Jesus Christ and his best friend Phillip
Little do many people know, but Jesus had a best friend named Phillip, and he would do anything for his buddy Jesus. Well one day Jesus got himself in a predicament, and ended up nailed to a cross on the top of a hill. Jesus cried out, "Phillip, Phillip, come to me!"
Phillip started to run up the hill to help his friend, but not before a Roman soldier saw him. The Roman drew his sword, and stabbed Phillip in the stomach. He collapsed to the ground, his guts spilling around him. Then again, Jesus cried out, "Phillip, Phillip, come to me!"
Phillip began to crawl in the mud up the hill, and after several minutes made it to Jesus' feet. He managed to rasp out is his dying breath, "What is it Jesus?"
Jesus smiled and exclaimed, "Phillip, Phillip, I can see your house from here!"
The religious bear.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
The Brain Implant
Two brain-scientists are having an heated argument about wether or not having a brain implant that will explode when you say something s**... would benefit anyone:
Scientist #1:
"It would pressure them to think before they say something, thus making the amount of s**... things they say decrease."
Scientist #2:
"No it wouldn't. If they are already s**..., the implant would not aid them in the decision making process of wether something is s**... or not, thus not helping."
Seeing as they were not going to agree, they decided to put this theory to the test. They look through state high-school drop-out records until they think they have found somebody who would meet the requirements of this test. They contact him and explain the test their predicament and are astounded when agrees to have surgery.
After the surgery, the two scientists walk up the steps to the ICU. They find the patient in a hospital bed, playing on his phone.
Scientist #1:
"How do you feel?"
The man chooses his words carefully. After about 10 seconds of waiting, he replies
Man:
"I'm alright. I have quite the head ache though."
Scientist #1
"As expected. Do you have any concerns about the device?"
The man, after carefully choosing his words again replies:
"Yes."
He stops for a moment.
"Can it kill me?"
Boom.
Sorry if you didn't like it. It is one of my first jokes.