Predator Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

A sexual predator, a pathological liar, and a racist walk into a bar

The bartender says, What'll it be, Mr. President?

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

What do you call an illegal immigrant and a catholic priest fighting?

Alien VS Predator

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

What do you call an immigrant and a pedophile in a jail cell together?

Alien vs predator.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

What do you call a fight between a mexican and a pedophile?

Alien VS Predator

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

The swordfish has only one predator to worry about.

The penfish.

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a child rapist?

Alien vs Predator

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

Fun Fact: Did you know 1 out of every 6 people live by a child predator?

Not me though, I live by a 9-year-old kid with a nice ass ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

What do you call a boxing match between a Mexican and a priest?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fight between an immigrant and a sex offender?

Alien vs predator

If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant...

Is it Alien Vs Predator?

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that's how the Catholic Church ranks it's priorities.

The lion king (a bit vulgar)

In the animal kingdom, all animals obey the lion. His word is law.

One morning, the lion summons all his subjects and tells them:
>Everyone of you now brings me something to eat, and it better be meat! I'll bang my big penis on the head of everyone who fails me!

On the course of the day, all the predator animals bring their king some meat, and even most of the herbivores manage to pick a caterpillar or similar. But then the rabbit arrives with a basket full of carrots. He hands the basket to the lion and says:

>Lion, please understand, I'm a rabbit, I just can't hunt! But I brought you some carrots.

The lion, untouched by the rabbit's pleading, whips his penis out and bangs it on the rabbit's head.

The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs and so on, until the lion asks:

>Why are you crying?

To which the rabbit answers:

>Because it hurts so much!

So the lion asks:
>And why are you laughing?

To which the rabbit answers:
>Because over there the porcupine waits with a basket full of lettuce!


An illegal immigrant and a sex offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

I hear the new Predator movie will star..

Kevin Spacey.

Illegal immigrant vs. Child molester

If and illegal immigrant fought a child molester, would it be considered alien vs. predator?

Words Ending With OR

A teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR.

First little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good," replies the teacher.

Second little boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, very good," replies the teacher.

Little Johnny then says, "vibrator, Miss."

Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

I saw a Mexican fighting Jared Fogel

I finally saw Alien vs Predator

Smart Chihuahua

A Chihuahua was lost in the jungle. Walking along he saw a dead bear. He didn't even know what to make of it. Suddenly he heard something off in the distance. Knowing it was a predator he thought quickly, speaking out loud to himself he said "Killing this bear wasn't as hard as it looked.... Kinda gets me in a blood thirsty mood."

The Cheetah who had shown up tracking the scent of meat and not knowing what a Chihuahua was, decided he better not risk it and turned around taking off into the jungle.

A monkey overhead saw the whole thing. Thinking he could barter a deal from the Cheetah for protection he took off after the Cheetah to inform him of the ruse.

The cheetah was furious and decided to go back and kill that chihuahua slowly and painfully.

The chihuahua having seen the monkey and figuring out his plan was waiting. About the time the cheetah got in ear shot he said to himself "Now where is that damn monkey? I told him to bring me back something else to kill."

A man was eating out his gf and said...

"girl, you have the biggest pussy I've ever seen"
"girl, you have the biggest pussy I've veer seen"

the gf turns to him and asks: "why'd you say it twice?"

the guy replies: "that wasn't me, that was the echo"

[old joke from the Predator film]

A teacher asked her third grade class to

name things that ended with tor that eat things.
The first little boy said, Alligator.
Very good James, that's a big word.
The second boy said, Predator.
Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done.
Little Johnny says, Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything.
Well my mother has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!

A racist and a sexual predator walk into a Virginia bar

The whole bar screams Welcome Governors !

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things

The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

In the realm of bad jokes...

If anyone has seen the original Predator movie then you will know these 2 jokes.

I told my girlfriend the other day I wanted a little pussy. She said me too. Mine's as big as a house.

I was going down on my girlfriend the other day and I said jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy. She asked me why I said it twice. I said I didn't.

What do you call a fight between a foreigner and a paedophile?

Alien vs predator

A Sexual Predator, a Business Man, and a Russian Spy walk into a bar

The bar tender says what can I get you Mr. President?

Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "What a coincidence" I thought.

When I was a kid, I use to think a "sexual predator" was a horny alien from the movie "predator"

Turns out my uncle just liked to collect movie costumes.

NSFW SO I was going down on my girlfriend...

and I said, "Man your pussy is big."

"Man your pussy is big."

She asked why I said it twice, I told her I didn't.

- *Because some of you heathens have never seen Predator.*

Could be taken as racist, or insecure (maybe both)

What do you call a immigrant fighting a rapist. "Alien versus predator"

What do you call a horny alligator?

A sexual predator

What do you call it when an immigrant and a pedophile get into a fight?

Alien Vs. Predator

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

Why did the horny furry get arrested?

Because he was a sexual predator.

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

From Predator 2

"The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' "

What do you call it when R Kelly and 21 Savage fight?

Alien vs. Predator

What Do You Call A Fight Between an Illegal Immigrant and a Pervert?

Alien V. Predator.

What do you call a fight between a child molester and an illegal immigrant?

Alien versus Predator.

I got a bootleg copy of "Alien vs Predator"

It was just some Mexican guy fighting a priest!

What do you call a ilegal immigrant fighting a child molester?

Alien vs Predator

A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...

The bartender says: Hey Father John!

In the box office this weekend, The Predator took first place followed by The Nun in second...

Which is coincidentally the same way the Catholic Church ranks their priorities.

Koi Fish always travel in groups of four

That's because while the A Koi, the B Koi and the C Koi escape. The predator will always go after the D Koi

What do you call a lion that steals credit cards?

An AMEX predator.

What do you call a court case in which an immigrant is suing over sexual harassment?

*Alien v. Predator*

If an illegal immigrant and paedophile have a fight

Does that make it Alien vs Predator?

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

I told my girlfriend I'd like a little pussy. She said me too...

...Mine's as big as a house .
Stolen from Predator (1987)

What do you call a rap battle between 21 savage and Six-Nine?

Alien vs predator

If they made a movie about a paedophile fighting an immigrant

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

For 65million years the T-rex was the number one predator

Then came Bill Cosby

Why was the lion cub sent to jail?

It was a child predator.

What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator.

---

Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5?
Because they can't even!

---

Why do white people have so many pets?
Because owning people is not legal anymore

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call it when Bill Cosby attacks an immigrant?

Alien vs. Predator

I went on a date and we went back to her place . . .

As I was going down on her, I said:
Damn, you've got a big pussy!
*Damn, you've got a big pussy!*

She said, why did you say it twice?

I told her I didn't.



(Thank you, Predator)

UNBELIEVABLE!!! Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber Pistol !

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection.

What is the most dangerous predator of all?

Horny humans.

Did you hear they're going to be making a new alien versus predator movie

It's going to be starring an illegal immigrant versus bill Cosby

If an illegal immigrant was attacking a priest

Would that make it Alien vs. Predator?

I filmed an illegal fighting a registered sex offender

I named it Alien vs Predator

What do you call it when a Mexican gets into a fight with a child molester?

Alien vs Predator!

What is the worst TV show to make your debut on?

To Catch a Predator

An Islamophobe, a White Supremacist & a sexual predator walk into a bar...

The Barman says, 'What it'll be Mr.Trump?'

What do you get when an illegal immigration fights a child molester?

Alien versus Predator.

We just euthanized our boy

He told us to kill him if he ever lived plugged to a machine. The Asus Predator Gaming PC and the iPhone 6s are for sale if someone is interested.

Lawyer A: What is your favorite court case?

Lawyer B: Alien v Predator

I've been told I look like someone from a popular TV show.

Feeling flattered I asked which show?

"To Catch a Predator"

What's the natural predator of an optimistic toucan?

A toucan't

What did the sexual predator chicken say about the donkey?

I don't think it'll fit in that ass.

RIP Bill Paxton

The only guy to be killed by a predator, a terminator, an alien, and a botched heart surgery.

Alien vs predator

Guys what if a pedophile assualts an illegal immigrant, would it be called alien vs predator?

The most promising show of 2016 in the Middle East could be...

"To Catch a Predator Drone"

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a businessman walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What can I get you, Mr. Trump?"

A child predator and a little boy

Are walking in the woods

The child mutters "wow mister these woods are REALLY creepy!"

The predator looks at the child and says "you think they're creepy now, **i** gotta walk out of here alone!"

What are the funniest predator jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Predator? Well, here are the best Predator puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Predator pick up lines to share with friends.

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