Precision Jokes
28 precision jokes and hilarious precision puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about precision that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Precision Short Jokes
Short precision jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The precision humour may include short exact jokes also.
- People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
- My granddad died at exactly 3:45, and at precisely the same time his grandfather clock stopped. "That's amazing."
"Not really. That's when it fell on top of him." - I let some of my friends use my high quality printer from Spain. When I told them where it was from, they all gasped in shock. Because no-one expects the Spanish ink precision!
- In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business. Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
- Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like) - Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you? It's said to have a very low margarine of error.
- There once was a man in prison Who performed his own circumcision
With cigarettes he paid
And got his own blade
What he shoulda bought was better precision. - Archery When asked what they are aiming for,
A newbie will say precision,
A pro will say grouping,
And dads will say "the target." - What did the teacher call the Asian Kid who was known for his precision in math? Exact Lee.
- I work as a comedian in China, and the authorities are always vetting my material. >!everythIng is Always Moderated wIthiN a Justified mAnner, precIse and Legitimate. !<
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Precision One Liners
Which precision one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with precision? I can suggest the ones about tight and accurate.
- A good number of my friends are racist. Precisely zero - and that is a good number.
- What do you call an asian marksman? Precise Lee
- Can a ninja aim precisely? surehecan
- If there was a competition for precision... I'd come sixty seventh.
- My son was named after Nicholas II of Russia. By about 100 years, to be more precise.
- So far I haven't drunk alcohol once this year. 206 times, to be precise.
- What do you call an Asian guy who's always precise? Exact-Lee
- You could say that the Joker is a few cards short of a deck 53 cards short to be precise.
- When did Bobby Shmurda go to the store? Precisely 6 days ago.
- Your intelligence is precisely what I have in my terrarium My newt
Ridiculous Precision Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about precision you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quality jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make precision pranks.
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.
That's fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Jew is standing on a street corner in Soviet Russia.
He is holding up a poster that says "Thank you, Comrade Stalin for my happy childhood."
A policeman walking the beat sees the poster and says, "Are you trying to mock our Great Motherland? Everybody can see that when you were a child, Comrade Stalin hasn't even been born."
The old Jew replies, "That is precisely why I'm grateful to him."
We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...
