precision Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious precision puns

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.


People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision



People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision


CIA assessment center

After the standard round of interviews, a good dozen of applicants sit before the director of the CIA office.

"Trust is central to our business, ladies and gentlemen. Still, intelligence, precision and punctuality are nearly as essential. So, to the test: You have an envelope with a coded address on it. It contains important top secret data for someone in this office building. Get this sensitive information to him."

The applicants scurry away with their red labeled envelopes, each trying to crack the code and simultaneously making their way through the labyrinthine vastness of the CIA office building.

Only one applicant rounds the corner and, after looking left and right, breaks the "TOP SECRET" seal and rips open the envelope. Inside, he finds a sheet of paper, that says: "Misuse of trust is central to our business. Come back to my office to sign your contract."


A doctor, an engineer, and a soldier are walking in the woods...

A doctor, an engineer, and a soldier are walking in the woods with their dogs on a duck hunting trip.

Suddenly, a group of ducks fly up into the air. The doctor pulls out his precision rifle...BANG! BANG! BANG! Three ducks fall from the sky. The doctor yells "Scalpel, fetch!". His dog runs up, skins the three ducks, and lays them down at the doctors feet. The other two are impressed. "He must take after his owner", they decide.

A few minutes later, another group of ducks takes flight. The engineer pulls out his specially designed laser rifle- BZZZZZ! Three ducks fall, smoking, from the sky. The engineer yells "Ruler, fetch!" His dog runs out, grabs the three ducks, and lays them down at his feet in a perfect equilateral triangle. The other two men are impressed; "that dog must take after his owner", they decide.

A few hundred meters farther on, another group of ducks is startled into the air. The soldier pulls out his Machine Gun- BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM! Three ducks fall, riddled with holes, from the sky. The soldier yells "Grunt, fetch!" The dog runs out, eats the ducks, fucks the other two dogs, then requests a leave of absence.


Many people who go to Spain to get tattoos are surprised at how skilled the tattoo artists are.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.


When people ask me where I got my well drawn tattoo, their always suprised when I say i got it in Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.


Bathroom Etiquette

An Air Force Major is just finishing up at a urinal when a Marine Corp Captain enters the bathroom. As the Marine is peeing, the Air Force officer makes a show of carefully soaping and scrubbing his hands with military precision. Just as the Air Force Major is drying off his hands, the Marine flushes and heads for the door.

"You know, in the Air Forces they teach us that you should always wash your hands after you pee," says the Air Force Major.

"Really?" replies the Marine. "In the Corp they just teach us not to pee on our hands."


My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they're German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they're Italian.

If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they're Russian.

If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they're Japanese.

If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.


A favorite joke of the Swiss (although any country combo will do)

A group of Austrians, embarrassed of the Swiss engineers, approach them with a request to build a bridge in the Sahara. "We want to build the most beautiful bridge, with perfect precision, workmanship, and quality to last a thousand years".

The Swiss Engineers, intrigued by the challenge, go to work. Six months later, they present the Austrians with their timeless bridge in all its glory!

"Hahaha, you dumb Swiss, there's no water in the Sahara, we made you build a useless bridge", teased the Austrians with great fervour. "Now tear it down"

Reply the Swiss engineers: "We would, but there's a group of Austrians fishing off it".



A man asks the worker at the astronomy museum how old the universe is. He responds 13.7 billion and 7 years old.

The man is puzzled how the worker knew the age to such precision. The worker answered, When I got this job, the person who hired me told me that the universe is 13.7 billion years old, and I've worked here for seven years.


No one really expected my world language teacher to be so good at writing with a felt pen...

No one expects the Spanish Ink -precision


People are often really surprised by the quality of tattoos available in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision.


Compared to planes, helicopters are extremely complex, and have to be crafted with inhuman precision...

It's a wonder they ever took off...


Determination. Precision. Focus. Accuracy.

All attributes I have while shaving my pubes that I should really put into other aspects of my life.


People always act surprised when I tell them my tattoo artist was Spanish.

No one ever expects the Spanish ink precision


People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo from, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision


What are the most funny Precision jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Precision? Well, here are the best Precision dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Precision pick up lines to share with friends.


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