Precisely Jokes
30 precisely jokes and hilarious precisely puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about precisely that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Precisely Short Jokes
Short precisely jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The precisely humour may include short exact moment jokes also.
- People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
- My granddad died at exactly 3:45, and at precisely the same time his grandfather clock stopped. "That's amazing."
"Not really. That's when it fell on top of him." - People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain. No one expects the Spanish ink precision
- People are astonished when they see the tattoo that I got in Madrid Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
- Tattoos People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision - I let some of my friends use my high quality printer from Spain. When I told them where it was from, they all gasped in shock. Because no-one expects the Spanish ink precision!
- In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business. Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
- Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like) - Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you? It's said to have a very low margarine of error.
- Many people who go to Spain to get tattoos are surprised at how skilled the tattoo artists are. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
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Precisely One Liners
Which precisely one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with precisely? I can suggest the ones about accurate and exact.
- A good number of my friends are racist. Precisely zero - and that is a good number.
- What do you call an asian marksman? Precise Lee
- Can a ninja aim precisely? surehecan
- I needed glasses to see my family. Two glasses of scotch. To be precise.
- If there was a competition for precision... I'd come sixty seventh.
- My son was named after Nicholas II of Russia. By about 100 years, to be more precise.
- So far I haven't drunk alcohol once this year. 206 times, to be precise.
- What do you call an Asian guy who's always precise? Exact-Lee
- There's some free space in the EU now.. 1 GB, to be precise.
- You could say that the Joker is a few cards short of a deck 53 cards short to be precise.
- When did Bobby Shmurda go to the store? Precisely 6 days ago.
- Your intelligence is precisely what I have in my terrarium My newt
Gather Around for Fun Precisely Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about precisely you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean literally jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make precisely pranks.
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"
He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
All the proof you need.
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!"
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"
The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.
When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.
A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.
He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.
"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.
"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."
The dinosaur at the museum
A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.
A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.
That's fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.
