Precious Jokes
48 precious jokes and hilarious precious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about precious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article discusses how humor has found a way to utilize the world of precious metals and how one can cherish these expensive jokes. From Gollum to clever puns, read more to learn about the value of these precious jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Precious Jokes
- Precious One Liners
- Precious Stones Jokes
- Precious Metal Jokes
- More Precious Jokes
Funniest Precious Short Jokes
Short precious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The precious humour may include short priceless jokes also.
- Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas! - After years of digging, a gold prospector finally found a small amount of a precious metal It was a miner success.
- Did you hear about the guy who broke all of Usain Bolt's records? Completely destroyed his precious vinyl collection.
- Why does the travelling hobbit always carry his elven cloak? When he goes to pee in the woods and he brings out his other *precious*, he still gets the feeling that there's someone eyeing him.
- Today a strange stranger chased me for 10 miles. which made me think whats so precious in her purse?
- Someone recently broke in to my nan's flat and stole her precious limbo trophy... How low can you get?
- A couple are having trouble with their marriage... Wife: We used to have something special Jon! Something rare and precious! What happened to that?
Husband: You spent it all dear. - Did you hear that New Zealand is about to be officially renamed to middle earth? The opposition is being way too precious about the situation.
- What's the difference between your girlfriend and your computer? You can hit one if it stops working,
The other is your precious computer why would you hurt it? - Did you hear about the man who hid smuggled precious stones in his fleece sweater? When the police found amber in his clothing, he was charged.
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Precious One Liners
Which precious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with precious? I can suggest the ones about valuable and delicate.
- TIL that the government is selling military equipment for precious metals.
- A German tourist jumped in freezing water to save my precious little dog from drowning.
- My wife is like precious gold to me. That's why I buried her in the backyard.
- Life is precious So be sure not to do anything with it
- What could be more precious to a man than the love of his child? Nuttin' :)
- Vaccines cause autism Sorry, I mean awetism! Children who live are just so precious!
- Water is the most precious drink Because without it we can't make coffee
- Why are bibles for the blind so precious? Because it's the Holy Braille
- I love it when someone calls me their 'precious' It has a nice ring to it
- I'd follow you to the ends of the earth... ... you're my precious.
- A French man was transporting very rail snails... You could say it was precious escargot.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park today? He looked so precious!
- How does a s**... worker extract precious minerals from the Earth? They s**... mine.
- s**... Doo may not care for most precious gems But he does appreciate Velma's rubies.
- The inventor of the crystal ball has died. His f**... will be held very preciously
Precious Stones Jokes
Here is a list of funny precious stones jokes and even better precious stones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You can break a girl's head with a simple stone, and with a precious stone, you can break a girl's heart. But the wise say it is better with a simple one.
Precious Metal Jokes
Here is a list of funny precious metal jokes and even better precious metal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the geologist say to the Ginger after he evaluated her precious metal? Red, it gold.
- A Redditor accidentally trips and sets off an e**... in a precious metal mine. What's the first thing they say? Holy c**... this blew up!
Uhhh thanks for the gold stranger!
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Precious Jokes
What funny jokes about precious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fragile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make precious pranks.
A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.
A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The g**... door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the c**...."
The man looks down at the b**... stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"
An apple
A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Precious Father-Son Time
When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a c**......they were all just pictures of me.
It's a miracle
A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.
A boy loses his cellphone
A boy loses his precious cellphone and asks his dad if he had seen it anywhere. His dad asks the boy
"Why don't you call it?"
"I left it on silent"
"Well you know what they say"
"What?"
"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it"
Material Guy
A guy crashes his new sports car and when the police arrive, he is crying Oh my god, my gorgeous Ferrari!
The police officer tells him that material possessions are the least of his troubles, considering his left arm was severed as well.
The guy looks down where his arm used to be and wails Oh, my god, my precious Rolex!
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!
The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere
Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a toad walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the toad's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the toad. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Sorry I didn't respond to you just now. I was doing something productive and not wasting my precious time with your l**... speeches.
[Knee-slappin, terrible OC] Why was the nun named "NPN"?
She was a trans-sister!
***
I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke
