Preachers Wife Jokes
20 preachers wife jokes and hilarious preachers wife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about preachers wife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Preachers Wife Short Jokes
Short preachers wife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The preachers wife humour may include short pastors wife jokes also.
- An old man was attending his wife's f**.... The preacher walked up to him and said, "May she rest in peace." The man replied, "I don't know about her, but I certainly will."
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Silly Preachers Wife Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about preachers wife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make preachers wife pranks.
A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.
"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.
He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."
A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.
The preacher cringes when he sees the dress. "We're on a budget, remember?"
"I know we're on a budget," replies the wife, "but the devil himself went shopping with me. He convinced me to try on the dress."
The preacher facepalms. "When that happens, you're supposed to say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"
"I did. He told me the dress looked even better from the back."
Preacher finds a receipt for a$250 dress in wife's purse. ..
You know we don't have money for things like this. She said, but you don't understand...the devil was there and kept telling me how great it looks on me. Then he replied, you should have said Get behind me Satan. She said, I did, but he said it looks even better from back there!
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?
The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said s**...! I already got a part from her.
A husband and wife are in church. The preacher notices that the husband has fallen asleep and says to the wife, “Wake your husband up!” The wife answers, “You're the one who made him fall asleep, you wake him up!”
Garage sale
A preacher and his wife go garage sale hunting one Saturday morning.As the wife looks around the preacher notices a nice looking push lawnmower for $20.He asks the man at the garage sale what's wrong with it.$20 is a steal if it works.The man said it works great if you can get it started but you got to cuss it a few times.The preacher responded,I've been a Christian for 30 years and ill have you know its been so long I've forgotten how to cuss.The man responds,pull that string a few times and it'll come back to you.
Wrong email address
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
A humor-challenged preacher really wanted to try to use jokes to make his sermons more engaging.
One day, he went to hear a speech, and the speaker said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!". The audience was shocked. The speaker then said the punchline, "and that woman was my mother!" and he got a lot of laughs.
The preacher decided to copy that joke at the beginning of his sermon. So he said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!". Unfortunately, he forgot the punchline. So he finished with, "and sadly, I don't remember who she was!".
A Preacher and His Dentures
A preacher went to get his teeth pulled. As a result he would need dentures. The first Sunday after, he preached 10 minutes. The second he preached 20 minutes and the third he preached an hour and a half.
Some members of the congregation asked about the different amounts of time. The preacher says, "The first Sunday my gums were so sore I could barely talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were causing the pain. The third Sunday, I grabbed my wife's dentures and could not stop talking."
Email Joke
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
A preacher…
…was asked to give a talk at a woman's health symposium. His wife asked about the topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about s**.... Thinking quickly, he replied, "I'm talking about sailing."
"Oh, that's nice," said his wife.
The next day, at the grocery store, a young woman who had attended the lecture recognized the minister's wife.
"That was certainly an excellent talk your husband gave yesterday," she said. "He really has a unique perspective on the subject."
Somewhat surprised, the minister's wife replied, "Gee, funny you should think so. I mean, he's only done it twice. The first time he threw up, and the second time his hat blew off."
Raising The Dead!
This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."
Pastor in the k**...
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**.... This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
A father put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table...
A father put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If my son takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
The Albama Preacher
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux k**.... This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body what would stop traffic rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**....
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted and the congregation roared.
There once was a man from Alabama . . .
He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated h**... type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .
Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?
One day, very tragically, Catfish Jeb's wife and sister died. A terrible hunting accident where he was mistaken and thought he was shooting at a deer. Beyond distraught, Catfish Jeb hurried home to his cabin and called up his church's preacher, Bill.
Bill answered his phone right away, greeting happily in that churchy way. Despite the cheeriness, Catfish Jeb was in tears as he told the preacher what happened. "Ma wife and sis'ta are ded, Billy," he blubbered.
Bill was a little miffed; he hated being called Billy. But with the light of God always shining down upon him, he forgave Catfish Jeb the instant the misname left his lips. "I am terrible sorry to hear that, Jeb," the preacher consoled.
On the phone, Bill and Catfish Jeb arranged a f**... for the bumpkin's wife and sister to be held at the church. It was to take place that Sunday, right before the bake sale. They planned the flowers, the music. Bill agreed to have someone make pamphlets on the grieving r**...'s behalf.
"One last thing, Joe," Bill said, pen poised in hand.
Catfish Jeb wiped at his eyes. "Yessa, preacher-man sir?" he simpered.
The preacher man pursed his lips. "Will you be needing one coffin, of two?"
A boy is selling fish on a corner.
To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"
A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"
The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish.
The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way."
He explains to her why they are dam fish.
Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish.
He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"