The Best 79 Preacher Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Preacher jokes. There are some preacher preach jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these preacher reverend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Preacher Jokes and Puns

You better not.

I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.

Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"

The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

Preacher joke, A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church

The preacher says "We don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here!"

The Higgs Boson particle says "If you don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here, how do you have mass?"


Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.

The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.

Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.

"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"

Preacher joke, A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.

He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"

"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.

"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."

"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"

Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.

"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.

"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

What does a female preacher feed her newborn child?

Pastorized milk.

A preacher is reaching....

...the end of his sermon. He tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my sermon" A week passes. The preacher reached the pulpit and asked "How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?" Everyone raised their hands. The preacher looked and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying."

Preacher goes to a party

A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.

On entering the house, he sees a circle of naked men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their genitals in an attempt to guess their identity.

The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."

"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"

You can explore preacher parishioners reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean preacher methodist dad jokes. There are also preacher puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A preacher is buying a parrot


"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

At church, last sunday

…, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.

"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.

"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.

"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"

"I'm gonna kill the guy who's poking me in the back every night!"

Preacher joke, Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

How'd the preacher catch A.I.D.S. in Africa?

Missionary style.

Preacher gets pulled over.

The officer asks for ID, when he says

"what have you had to drink tonight?"

The preacher replies

"Only water, sir."

The officer insists "I distinctly smell wine on your breath!"

The preacher, with a confident retort, says

"Dammit, he's done it again."

What did the triangle say to the preacher?

Forgive me father for I have sin().


A preacher visits a prison to give a sermon.

All the inmates attend the service.
The preacher opens with

"It brings me joy to see you all here"

A Preacher and the Devil

An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern Baptist preacher walk into a bar...

they all ask for your vote

Have you heard about that new movie, "The Homophobic Preacher"?

Hasn't come out yet.

Preacher

A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.

What did the flatulent man say to the preacher during confession?

Forgive me Father, for i have wind.

Steve asked the preacher to pray for his hearing.

After a few minutes of fervent prayer with his hands clasped over Steve's ears the entire time, he stopped and asked, "How's your hearing now?" Steve replied, "I don't know. It's coming up this Tuesday at the courthouse."

Sunday morning, a man bursts into church and interrupts the sermon, shouting "It's a miracle! I'm walking! I'm walking!" "What happened?" the preacher asked.

"They stole my car" the man replied.

What was Cher doing before she was born?

She was a preacher.

Little Johnny was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his younger cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen." Little Johnny responded.

His cousin was amazed that he answered so quickly.

"How do you know that"

"Easy," said little Johnny, "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said "four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer."

The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

The preacher asked the small boy to show him the way to the post office and the boy courteously obliged

"Thank you", the preacher said. "You are a bright and polite young man. How would you like to listen to my sermon this evening so that I may show you the way to Heaven?"

"You're going to show me the way to Heaven?" the boy said in astonishment."But you don't even know the way to the post office!"

Preachers do more than...

laypeople.

A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm.

"Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

A preacher gives a sermon on the 10 Commandments ...

hoping that when he got to "Thou Shall Not Steal" whoever stole his bike would confess.

No one confessed.

But when he got to the part about "Thou shall not commit adultery" he remembered where he left his bike.

[OC] What do you tell a preacher when they invite you over for spaghetti dinner?

"Pasta pasta, pasta." :)

Slogan for an erudite anti-science preacher:

"EUKARYOTE? MORE LIKE ISCARIOT!"

What's the difference between a preacher and pimples?

Pimples come on your face AFTER puberty!

During church the preacher asked the people in line what they needed prayer for.

One man request prayer for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and asked
him, "How's your hearing?" The man replied, "I don't know. It's not until next Tuesday."

One Sunday morning a preacher told his congregation..

"Everyone who wants to go to heaven after they die, come down to the front now!"

The whole church came forward except for one guy. Thinking that maybe the man hadn't heard him, the preacher repeated the invitation.

Again the man just sat there.

"Sir," said the preacher, "don't you want to go to heaven when you die?

The man replied, "Oh, when I die! I thought you were getting a group ready to go right now."

Man Request Prayer In Church

Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"

A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"

The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"

So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"

The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.

I went hunting with my preacher.

We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"

Why did the lady preacher keep making the men in her congregation angry?

...she ended all of her sermons with Ah-MEN!

Why did the preacher build a new church?

Solely for the profit!

Person a: so im a good lier what jobs should i choose a lawyer or a politician

Person b: you could also be a preacher

What did the cabbage preacher say to their congregation?

Lettuce Pray!

Joel Osteen may not be the best preacher...

but he is certainly not a false profit

How do you scare bees?

"Boo-bees!"

Gold from my local preacher

A preacher asked the homeless junkie 'Are you saved!?'

He replied 'No, but I am loaded!'

A drunken preacher streaked into his own church on Sunday morning.

They chased him around a while, and eventually caught him by the organ.

Apparently I need to listen more in church.

Turns out the preacher wasn't talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the Holy Spirit.

A religious awakening

Is what happens when the preacher gets through preaching.

God Will Save Me

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

A woman walked into a church wearing slippers and a snuggy and started playing on her phone during the sermon.

The preacher called her out for idle worship.

What do you call a preacher that needs to be rescued?

Princess Preach

Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"

I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.

After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.

How is that last bit of ketchup in the bottom of the bottle like a closeted gay preacher in the Deep South?

It's never coming out.

What do you call a 4 foot 1 preacher?

A MINIster

A preacher, an astronaut, and a cowboy walk into a bar

The bartender says What is this, a joke?

What did the preacher say at the vegetable mass?

Lettuce pray for peas on Earth.

Then

Why do I bother with puns, everyone here's brain dead.

A woman married four times: to a tycoon, an actor, a preacher, and an undertaker.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

What do you call the daughter of a drug addicted preacher?

Methany

What's a preachers favorite sex position?

Missionary

The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about PMS? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!

So two melons went to their local church and tried to get married.

...however, the preacher would not perform the ceremony. Then they ran away together and contacted a Justice of the Peace, but he wouldn't marry them either. When they asked why, he simply exclaimed, "cantalope".

A preacher and a young boy were sitting at a bus stop.

The boy had a bottle of clear liquid and he kept shaking it up, looking at the bubbles. The preacher asked the youngster what he had in the bottle. "Preacher man, this here is the strongest liquid known to mankind, Turpentine!"

The preacher reaching into his vest pocket, "Young man, I beg to differ! This here is holy water! You put some of this on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy!". The boy replied, "Heck preacher, that ain't nothing! You put some of this on a cats ass, it will pass a motorcycle!"

A preacher tells his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. "

"To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, the preacher asks who read it, with every hand going up. The preacher smiles and says, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Little Johnny is walking out after church....

he stops and asks the preacher, "What are all these bricks in the side of the building with names engraved in them?"

The pastor replies, "Those bricks and names are all in remembrance of people who died in the service."

"Oh"' Johnny replies..... "was it the early or late service?"

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

My father-in-law is a retired preacher.

The put him out to pastor.

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?

A: Lettuce pray!

A preacher is warning sinners in the high street

"The end is nigh!" He shouts at passers-by. And a guy shouts back at him "Nigh!!"
This puts him off a bit, but he carries on. "Be warned al you sinners, for the end is nigh!". And again the guy behind him shouts "Nigh!!" even louder.
This carries on all day until the preacher snaps at the guy angrily, "why do you keep repeating me whenever I say nigh?"

And the guy replies, "well, it says in the bible doesn't it, a nigh for a nigh"

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?

The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said shit! I already got a part from her.

This is a joke from 1872

A man said to a preacher, "That was an excellent sermon, but it was not original." The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day the man brought the preacher a dictionary.

A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.

Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."

Little Suzy had 13 children.

Her husband died and she remarried and had 10 more children.

That husband died and she remarried and had 8 more children.

It was finally time for Suzy to pass away and the preacher was standing at her casket amd said "it's great! they'll finally be together".

One guy says "I wonder what he means? The first husband? The second husband? Or the 3rd husband?

Little Johnny smiled and said "I think he's taking about her legs"

A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.

The preacher cringes when he sees the dress. "We're on a budget, remember?"

"I know we're on a budget," replies the wife, "but the devil himself went shopping with me. He convinced me to try on the dress."

The preacher facepalms. "When that happens, you're supposed to say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"

"I did. He told me the dress looked even better from the back."

What did the scarecrow preacher say to his congregation

Can I get a hay men

A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.

The rabbi tells the two he's hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.


Shortly later the priest decides he's thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.


The preacher seeing this decides he could go for a snack and a drink, and tries to do the same as the rabbi and priest. As soon as he exits the boat, he immediately plunged into the water.


On land, the rabbi tells the priest maybe we should've told him where the rocks were

A preacher rides into a town in the old west...

As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"

The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of peyote and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"

The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the preacher cowboy and preacher jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working preacher preachers wife piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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