The Best 49 Prayers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Prayers jokes. There are some prayers worshippers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prayers reverend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Prayers Jokes and Puns

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,
...
...
"GET UP AND GET YOUR OWN DAMNED BLANKET YA HARPY!"

Nun takes a vow of silence

A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.

Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.

Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.

Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."

How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

Prayers joke, How does god receive prayers?

A bunch of rapists take over a monastery...

... and they tell the nuns to say their last prayers as virgins because they will rape all of them. Just then a young nun jumps out and says "do whatever you which with us, but please spare our mother superior, she's rather old and fragile". The mother nun then interrupts her and says " hush child ... all of us means all of us"

A little girl was saying her prayers for the night.

She said the following:"God bless mommy,God bless daddy,God bless grandma and goodbye grandpa." Her father,who had been listening,said,"Why 'goodbye,grandpa'?" The girl responded that it just felt like the right thing to say.
The next day her grandfather died of a heart attack.


How does an atheist start their prayers?

To Whom It May Concern

Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer's; I went to the Doctor today and he told me that I have another weird-named disease:

Hypochondria.

Prayers please, every upvote counts as a prayer ^/s

Prayers joke, Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer's; I went to the

How do Jamaican's end their prayers?

Ey mon.

God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery.

The answer is no.

Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life

The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.

An elderly couple go to pray ..

When they're done their prayers the husband asks the wife "what were you praying for all this time?" And the wife replies "I was praying that every time we are reincarnated, for a hundred years you should be my husband. What did you pray for dear?" To which the husband replies "I was praying that this be the hundredth year."

You can explore prayers pray reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prayers rosary dad jokes. There are also prayers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Kanye West was hospitalized...

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.

Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta away
We cannoli do so much,
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today gone tomato.
How sad he ran out of thyme,
Sending olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never saussage a tragic thing.
Because
some people just want to watch the world burn!

Why don't the mormons just open their own Hospital if praying really works?

Because you can't make money off of prayers.

I have now survived 21,364 days and 13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale.

Thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.

I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers!

He said no.

Prayers joke, I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally an

The priest wants to check how the freshly married couple is doing

Approaching their door, he not only finds it unlocked, but slightly ajar, too.

Worrying for their wellbeing , he says his prayers and enters.

As he walks into the living room he finds the husband, lying on the hearthrug, naked, his back facing the clergyman.

'Are you back my angel?', the nude asks.

The priest coughs awkwardly and says:'No, but I work for the same guy'

A Mexican gentleman attends my synagogue.

Whenever we need a quorum for prayers services we can always rely on his presence. He really is Juan in a minyan!

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.


God comes to my town...

...and asks the catholic priest: "do you need me to take care of anything?" The priest replies; "would you kill the protestant pastor?" Concerned God goes to the pastor and asks him the same question and the pastor answers; "would you kill the catholic priest?". Frustrated, God goes to the rabbi and asks him the same question. The rabbi says; "Lord, it would be enough for me if you answer the prayers of the priest and the pastor."

God answers prayers, trust me.

I prayed for a job, a car, and for lots of pretty girls. I now work as a bus driver in an all-girls school.

How would a feminist end their prayers?

A(wo)men

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers

Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers. The first boy quietly asks God for a puppy, the second boy shouts "PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE A NEW BIKE". The first boy says to the other boy "you don't need to yell I'm sure God can hear you", the second boy says "I know he can but grandma needs to".

Why doesn't God answer any prayers?

He's all no-ing

The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

A teacher asks a student

Teacher: Now simon, tell me do you say your prayers before eating?

Simon: No miss, I don't have to, my mom's a good cook.

What do you get when God stops answering your prayers?

The Holy ghost.

A woman whose husband had entered the Navy, gave the pastor of her church a note just as he was mounting to the pulpit one Sunday morning.

The note said John Anderson, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.
The minister in haste picked up the slip and read aloud,
John Anderson having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safely .

Me and my twin brother are 20 years old and never had a job or girlfriend.

Today my dad said if he knew we would have turned out so useless he would have named us thoughts and prayers.

A man goes to see his priest about his hearing...

The priest calls on the congregation for an all night extensive prayer session. They pray and sing and ask God to heal the man's hearing. Quite tired from the all night Affair, the priest visits the man the next day. Did our prayers help your hearing he asked? Oh no, the man said the hearing is not until next week.

How does a religious gay male end his prayers?

"Ah... Men"

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

What do mass shootings and Catholic high schools have in common?

THOTs and prayers

How do noodles end their prayers?

Ramen.

I like to say you're in my prayers to people I despise...

Did I mention I'm an atheist?

She said to me, you're the answer to my prayers.

You're not what I asked for, but you're the answer.

They say one of the symptoms of Coronavirus is lack of taste

Prayers up for everyone who thinks this is a funny joke format

Homeopathy and prayers work in the same way.

They don't.

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

A priest is doing prayers for people.

A man walks up to the priest and askes "Will you please pray for my hearing?"

"Of course", replies the priest, and proceeds to cup his hands over the man's ears and says a prayer.

When he's done praying, the priest askes the man, "Well, how's your hearing now?"

The man replies, "I don't know. It's only on Wednesday."

What do Christians do when they have a surplus of thoughts and prayers?

They force schools to reopen.

Trump in his first speech after recovery from the coronavirus: "I wanna thank all of you for your prayers..."

Makes me wonder why. They obviously weren't answered.

My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems

God answered his prayers.

My uncle's funeral is next week.

Notice at a religious place

Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"

They run until they reach a dead end.

They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:

"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"

They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.

The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:

"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."

Little Johnny was at his grandmother's house

when the family all sits down to eat dinner. Johnny immediately starts shoveling the food down. Johnny's mother says 'Johnny we need to say grace before we eat' but Johnny continues eating. His mother says again 'Johnny, we always says grace before we eat.' Johnny stops eating for a moment and says to his mother, 'but mom, we don't have to say our prayers. We are at grandma's house and she know how to cook!'

How does a pirate start his prayers?

Arrrr Father..

A guy was smoking while saying prayers.

His shocked friend asked, "Tell me how did the priest allow you to smoke while praying when he refused to permit me."

"What did you ask?" enquired his friend.

"Can I smoke while I am praying?" replied his friend.

"No wonder he refused you because I asked the priest, 'Can I pray while I am smoking?' and he said, 'Yes!'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prayers clergyman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working prayers prayers answered piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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