Prayers Answered Jokes
41 prayers answered jokes and hilarious prayers answered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prayers answered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Prayers Answered Short Jokes
Short prayers answered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prayers answered humour may include short prayed jokes also.
- I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers! He said no.
- Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
- Trump in his first speech after recovery from the coronavirus: "I wanna thank all of you for your prayers..." Makes me wonder why. They obviously weren't answered.
- After years of depression, hoping for the dark times to pass, God finally answered my prayers. He said no.
- Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church." Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer." - God answers prayers, trust me. I prayed for a job, a car, and for lots of pretty girls. I now work as a bus driver in an all-girls school.
- She said to me, you're the answer to my prayers. You're not what I asked for, but you're the answer.
- Why god no longer answer prayers Because people shout his name too often during private moments
- You are the answer to my prayers... You're not what I prayed for. But you're the answer to my prayers.
- a fly and his prayer Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly's prayers were answered.
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Prayers Answered One Liners
Which prayers answered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prayers answered? I can suggest the ones about wishes granted and god bless.
- God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no.
- What do you call it when a prayer is answered? A coincidence.
- Why doesn't God answer any prayers? He's all no-ing
- What do you get when God stops answering your prayers? The Holy ghost.
- God answers dying boys prayer God said no
- BREAKING NEWS: God Answers Prayers of Paralysed Young Boy 'No', Say's God.
- midterms and finals are like prayers to god. i never get answers.
Rib-Tickling Prayers Answered Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about prayers answered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thank god jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prayers answered pranks.
A ship was sinking...
The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".
A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.
"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems
God answered his prayers.
My uncle's f**... is next week.
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
A little boy asked Jesus for a new bike.
He prayed every night.
On the first night, he told Jesus "If you get me a new bike, I will never scream or yell again."
On the second night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I will be nice to my siblings forever."
On the third night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I'll do anything you want!"
On the fourth night, the little boy was fed up with Jesus not answering his prayers.
He took a statue of Mary, wrapped it in a blanket, and stuffed it in a closet and locked it. He told Jesus, "If you ever want to see your mother again, you better get me a new bike!"
A man keeps praying to God to please let him win the lottery...
He prays every day for years... and years... and years!! He even got his church to pray for him with diligent prayer warriors.
One day he angrily shouts at God, why won't you hear my effing prayer..!!???
God answers, why don't you go buy an effing ticket..??!!
God comes to my town...
...and asks the catholic priest: "do you need me to take care of anything?" The priest replies; "would you kill the protestant pastor?" Concerned God goes to the pastor and asks him the same question and the pastor answers; "would you kill the catholic priest?". Frustrated, God goes to the rabbi and asks him the same question. The rabbi says; "Lord, it would be enough for me if you answer the prayers of the priest and the pastor."
p**... the Irishman arrives at the Gates of Heaven...
...and is greeted by St. Peter. Peter says to p**... "You may enter, p**..., but first you must answer one question."
He then asks p**... "What is the the name of thy Lord?"
p**... replies "Harold."
"Harold?" asks St. Peter, "How did you arrive at that?"
"Oh, it's in the Lords Prayer... Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name".
A Jewish man goes to speak to his Rabbi...
He says, "Rabbi, you'll never guess what happened to me! My son converted to Christianity."
The Rabbi responds, "*You'll* never guess what happened to *me*! My son converted to Christianity too. Let's pray to God, maybe He'll have an answer for us."
After some prayers, God responds to them: "You'll never guess what happened to ME!"
New Russian Government
For years the Russian people have been praying for a new government. Their prayers were answered, unfortunately for them tho, the new government is in the US.
EPA members turn to prayer
After successfully cutting ties to science, the EPA is now turning to prayer, seeking new answers to today's environmental issues
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Billions of prayers around the world are being answered tonight: World Peace!
As the United States government shuts down
My wife asked me to pray for her mother's cancer, and to be fair, God answered my prayer.
She died.
So a guy gets shipwrecked on an island with nothing but a dog and a goat.
As time passes, he decides he needs some action, and, well, the goats not lookin half bad.
However, anytime the man tries to make a move on the goat, the dog gets jealous, snaps at him and won't let him by.
Eventually, another ship wrecks, this time carrying a blonde babe. Just absolutely gorgeous. The man looks to the heavens, thanks God for answering his prayers, then looks to the girl and says:
Would ya mind taking that dog for a walk?
Janitor in the church
The church janitor is cleaning the large overhead ducts from the inside when he notices a nun praying by herself and decides to have some fun. With the echo and a booming voice he proclaims "your prayers will answered", but the nun doesnt even flinch. He tries again "my child, your sins are forgiven", and again no response from the nun. Thinking she might be deaf, he tries one last time "I Jesus will lead you to salvation", upon which the nun firmly responds "shut up, I'm talking to your mother"
A man walking along a California beach was in deep prayer
when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish." The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want to." The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking ;the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific;the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish,one that will honor and glorify me". After thinking long and hard,he finally said,"Lord I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they're thinking, why they cry,what they mean when they say' nothing',and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes the Lord said, "How many lanes you want on that bridge? "
