Prayer Jokes
132 prayer jokes and hilarious prayer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prayer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny prayer jokes. From silly one-liners to hilarious stories, we've got you covered.
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Funniest Prayer Short Jokes
Short prayer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prayer humour may include short meditation jokes also.
- In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.
- A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away.
You gave me youth and you took it away.
You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you. - I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines... Prophets are going through the roof.
- Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
- I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
- I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats... Prophets are through the roof
- My new invention has made me rich!!! exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof
- My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets have been going through the roof.
- I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers! He said no.
- We all need to send prayers to the people in Ohio Nothing happened, they just have to live there
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Prayer One Liners
Which prayer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prayer? I can suggest the ones about religion and worship.
- God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no.
- I just opened an explosive prayer mat business. Prophets are through the roof.
- Why does The Lord’s Prayer ask for our daily bread Because it’s something we knead.
- Somebody stole my diary and my rosary. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
- How does a Jamaican close a prayer? Ayy mon'
- What do you call it when a prayer is answered? A coincidence.
- What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer? Ra'men.
- If someone started selling prayer rugs on landmines prophets would go through the roof!
- How does a pirate start his prayers? Arrrr Father..
- How does god receive prayers? knee-mail
- Why doesn't God answer any prayers? He's all no-ing
- I said a prayer the other day but forgot to say the last bit. It's ok though, amended it
- How does an atheist start their prayers? To Whom It May Concern
- What do you get when God stops answering your prayers? The Holy ghost.
- Homeopathy and prayers work in the same way. They don't.
Howlingly Hilarious Prayer Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about prayer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prayer pranks.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
New Alabama Preacher
The new Alabama preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"
No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer with you." She invited him right in.
He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.
Eventually, he came to the house at the end of the street. It turned out to be the residence of a young widow. When the Reverend knocked on her door, the young widow was taking a shower. Hearing the knock, she just wrapped a towel around herself, ran to the door and threw it open.
When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor putting all her wonderful young and luscious curves on display. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"
The preacher just smiled and said, "Hello, Darlin."
Little Boy Prayer
A little boy was eating in a restaurant for his birthday, when he started eating without a prayer. His parents turn to him and say, we say a prayer before eating in our house! The little boy replies, yeah, that's in our house but here the chef knows how to cook!"
Offering from the noticeboard of the Linga Longa pub, Gundy, new South Wales
Prayer for Beer:
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
At home as it is in the pub
Give us this day out foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer
The bitter, the lager
Barmen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man goes to a monastery...
To become a friar. The man is welcomed warmly into the brotherhood, and a fellow friar takes him on a tour of the place. He shows him the chapel, sleeping quarters, gardens, prayer rooms, library... It goes on and on, and the mans eyes grow bigger at every turn.
And so the tour is concluded, and the friar asks if the man has any other questions. The man then reluctantly asks "well, how do you guys cope with the urges of the flesh? You know, s**...?"
The friar smiles and says " I knew you would ask that! Come, follow me." The man follows the friar to the stables, where they stop at an ordinary barrel. "you see that hole?" asked the friar, pointing at a hole in the barrels side, "stick your junk in there and you'll get the pleasing you desire!". "Oh man, sweet!" answers the man, "How often can I use this?"
"Everyday except Tuesday." "Why not Tuesday?" the man asks.
The friar looks at him and says "Because then it's your turn to get in the barrel!"
Barber Shop
One day at a local barber shop a priest went in to get his hair cut. After he finished he asks the barber how much he owes him for the haircut. The barber politely responds with "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my religion". The priest is very thankful and leaves. The next day the barber arrives to his shop and find 12 prayer cards on the doorstep from the priest in repayment for the kind act.
That very same day a police officer comes into the shop to get his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber the same question and the barber says "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my community". The police officer is also very grateful and leaves. The next day the barber returns to find 12 doughnuts on his doorstep in repayment for the free haircut.
Around 3 o'clock on that day a United States Senator comes in for his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber how much he owes him and says "This one will be free, think of it as my way of giving back to my country". The next day the barber arrives at his shop and is astonished to see 12 U.S. senators waiting at his doorstep.
A Shlep on the Beach
A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men playing golf (a favourite of mine)
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher is buying a parrot
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you s**... fool!" screeched the parrot.
A Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
15 years of prayer
So a homeless man starts praying to god everyday for 15 years straight asking to win the lottery at least once. He never misses a day and pleads to god. One day he starts praying when he sees a flash of light and hears god yell "ATLEAST BUY A LOTTERY TICKET IF YOU WANT TO WIN!"
A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.
He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken
The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.
100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.
Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.
One billion dollars. This is our final offer.
After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.
I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.
prophets
this guy is making mines cleverly disguised as prayer mats. he says his prophets are going through the roof!
The Pope's Coffee - From my grandfather
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the pope at the Vatican .
After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you.
Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'"
The pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," says the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer... We will donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news. The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million."
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonderbread account."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked into a store today...
...and they were selling explosives disguised as prayer mats. I wasn't one to judge them; after all, they'd said prophets were going through the roof.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Faith healer visits a small town
And sets up a prayer meeting. All the faithful are there and are ready for a miracle.
One man hobbles up and says "I've been lame since I was a boy. Can I be healed?"
The preacher says "All who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"
Another man walks up and says "C-c-can you c-c-c-cure a stuttttttter?"
Preacher says "all who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"
The preacher starts praying then tells the lame man, "throw out your crutches". Two crutches come flying out from behind the curtain. The crowd goes wild!
Then the preacher asks the stutterer "tell us in a loud clear voice, what are you seeing?"
A voice comes from behind the curtain,
"the f-f-f**... f-f-fell flat on his f-f-face"
Why is it never hot in churches?
Because it's prayer conditioned. I'll leave now....
An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... the Irishman arrives at the Gates of Heaven...
...and is greeted by St. Peter. Peter says to p**... "You may enter, p**..., but first you must answer one question."
He then asks p**... "What is the the name of thy Lord?"
p**... replies "Harold."
"Harold?" asks St. Peter, "How did you arrive at that?"
"Oh, it's in the Lords Prayer... Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name".
Three priests are in a boat in the middle of the lake...
...when one realizes he needs to relieve himself. Being a decent man, he decides that he will go in the woods on the shore. This priest folds his hands and begins to say a prayer before leaving the boat. Miraculously he steps out of the boat onto the surface of the water and easily walks to the shore without getting wet. Once he returns, the second priest realized he forgot something on the shore, he bows, repeats the prayer and walks over the water to the shore and soon returns with a basket of food. Astonished, the third priest proclaims, "You have been given a gift of Jesus by saying a simple prayer!" After this proclamation the third priest says the prayer and jumps out of the boat into the water followed by a huge splash of cold water as he plunges beneath the surface. It is at this point that the first priest turns to the second and asks, "Do you think we should have told him about the stepping stones??"
EPA members turn to prayer
After successfully cutting ties to science, the EPA is now turning to prayer, seeking new answers to today's environmental issues
I have some bad news about my uncle Ziti...
He pasta way..
...
He sure was a pizza work.
...
...
At least he's with the angel hairs right now.
...
...
...
Please say a prayer for him on parm Sunday.
...
...
...
...
...
...
..
...
... ... ... ... Spaghetti.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does God love atheists?
Because they don't bother Him with incessant prayer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
The pilot said,
"We are having engine trouble. Who here believes in the power of prayer?"
One man rose to his feet and said, "I do!"
The pilot said, "That is good because we are one parachute short."
Muslim Band
I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.
They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.
They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!
Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.
I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started.
I prayed to god, and it finally worked!
"Dear god, please ignore this prayer, in your name, amen."
Explosive Opportunity
A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.
A man walking along a California beach was in deep prayer
when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish." The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want to." The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking ;the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific;the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish,one that will honor and glorify me". After thinking long and hard,he finally said,"Lord I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they're thinking, why they cry,what they mean when they say' nothing',and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes the Lord said, "How many lanes you want on that bridge? "
An Irish Prayer
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.
Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer's; I went to the Doctor today and he told me that I have another weird-named disease:
Hypochondria.
Prayers please, every upvote counts as a prayer ^/s
Steve asked the preacher to pray for his hearing.
After a few minutes of fervent prayer with his hands clasped over Steve's ears the entire time, he stopped and asked, "How's your hearing now?" Steve replied, "I don't know. It's coming up this Tuesday at the courthouse."
An Irish prayer...
On a cold winter night; an older Irishman walks down the street using his prized glass flask of whiskey to keep warm. Just as he returns it to his back pocket he slips on ice and falls with a crunch. As he lay there assessing his injuries, he feels warm liquid running down his leg.
He closed his eyes and said, "Please Lord, let it be blood."
A drunk's prayer...
A drunk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the Native American prayer for Thanksgiving
Thanks for nothing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's more effective than an islamic call to prayer?
A r**... whistle.
Just saw a French band perform Livin' On A Prayer.
I think it was Bonjour-vi.
Bar vs Church
A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.
The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Superb one.
What an irony!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isis have just started making explosive prayer mats
In their first quarterly report they said that prophets were going through the roof.
Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life
The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sarah, i understand that you are a feminist...
...but you can't end your prayer with "awomen" instead of "amen"
credits to an anonymous facebook post of which i was too lazy to read the name
So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer...
Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is "inappropriate"
How do you start a prayer to cure an obsession with chocolate?
Godiva problem...
Prayer before meals
Kid: Give us this day our daily bread.... With ham, egg, cheeze, french fries, salad on the side...
God: hey, kid. Are you praying or taking an order?
What do Canadians say after a prayer in church?
Eh-men
A kaddish is a hymn of praises to God found in a Jewish prayer service. What is its Muslim equivalent?
A kaboom!
Conservatives want to repeal Obamacare
and replace it with a single prayer healthcare plan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
a fly and his prayer
Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly's prayers were answered.
I can't help but cheer up whenever I hear Livin' on a Prayer.
I become quite bon jovial.
Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?
Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.
Man Request Prayer In Church
Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"
A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"
The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"
So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"
The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Chinese dude that goes to church to pick up chicks?
A true prayer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The dinner prayer
At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the family into prayer...
Little Boy: But I dont know how to pray
Dad: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc
Little Boy: "Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor n**... ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
100 nuns are in a prayer session.
After the session ends, the head nun stands up and addresses the nuns.
"There was a man in the convent last night," she says.
99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"We found a c**... in the garden," the head nun continues.
Again, 99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"There was a hole in that c**...."
99 nuns chuckle, while one gasps.
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
It's the things that satisfies your mind
It's the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It's called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.
How does a feminist end her prayer
Awomen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two high school kids decide to have s**... for the first time.
He goes to the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for 2 dozen of his best condoms in preparation for the evening.
Before their big date, he goes to his girlfriends house for dinner and to meet her family.
Before they eat, her father asks the boy to lead the prayer.
He leads a beautiful lengthy prayer about resisting temptation and maintaining purity.
As the young couple is walking out the door to go on their date , she says Johnny, I didn't realize you were so religious.
To which he replies, yeah, well I didn't realize your Dad was a pharmacist!
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
Renovation of Big Ben has started
After the modernization, the famous clock will be beat five times a day, calling the faithful to prayer.
Did you hear about the house with special drinks for prayer?
I heard it had good amen-i-teas
Have you heard about the new landmines?
They're disguised as prayer mats and prophets have gone through the roof
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Ramen."
- s**... Doo finishing a prayer.
Prayer has no place in the public schools
just like facts have no place in organized religion
Eeny meeny miny moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. If it hollers, say a prayer.
Cause you're not going anywhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my priest is gay?
He keeps saying, "ah, men" after every prayer
I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rug in the middle east
He told me prophets were going through the roof
The head of KFC called the Pope
He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."
The Pope said no and hung up.
kfc called back and offered 10 million.
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 100 million.
The Pope said, "You have a deal!"
The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
