The Best 87 Pray Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pray jokes. There are some pray church jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pray rosary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pray Jokes and Puns

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

Sex is like...

Sex is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.

Sex is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.

A pastor goes hiking

as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."

Pray joke, A pastor goes hiking

Little Billy had been blind since birth...

...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."

So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.


What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

"Lettuce, pray."

2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

Pray joke, 2 parrots

Where do evil Jedi go to pray?

The Sithteen Chapel.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....

I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.

To whom do agnostics pray?

To whom it may concern.

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...

Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

You can explore pray bless reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pray mantises dad jokes. There are also pray puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi

A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says: "RABBI RABBI! you're not going to believe what happened to me! My son turned Christian and left the house!"

The Rabbi says: "Well, you're not going to believe what happened to me! MY son turned Christian and Left the house."

"Well, what are we going to do?!" Asked the man.

"Let's pray to God and ask him for advice" the Rabbi answers.

They both look up and say: "God, God, you're not going to believe what happened to us! Both our sons turned Christian and left the house"

God responds: "well, you're not going to believe what happened to ME!"

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.

Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."

Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal?

No Mark, my wife is a good cook.

Pray joke, Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal?

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.

I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.

Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.

Preacher

A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.


I didn't know owls were religious

Until someone told me they were a bird of pray

'Do you always pray before dinner?'

'No, my mom is a good cook.'

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."

Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What did the priest say before eating his salad?

"Lettuce pray"

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...

The answer was an emphatic No!

Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!

That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!

When I was little I prayed to God for ridiculous amounts of money when I'm older

I think I should have chosen my words more carefully

My wife has to be the worst cook ever.

In my house we pray after we eat.

Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

A drunk's prayer...

A drunk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.

Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"

Blessed Are The Red-Necked

What's wrong, Bubba? asked the pastor.

I need you to pray for my hearing, said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on 
Bubba's ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, So how's your hearing?

I don't know, said Bubba. It isn't until next Tuesday.

Some people say I worry too much.

I pray for those people.

A prayer

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out: "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward: "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
Good", said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short"

Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life

The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.

He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"

A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."

The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"

My wife's cooking is so bad

we usually pray after our food.

Two kids talking.

One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook.

Please pray for my wife....

A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

A man was praying to god for money and fame.

Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.

The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'

I used to smoke weed and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

If I get sick, I'll ask all my friends to pray for me in their free time.

I don't think it will help, but if I don't get to do anything fun, neither should they.

I was going to pray to god for a bike.

But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

Man Request Prayer In Church

Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"

A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"

The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"

So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"

The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.

2 girls were talking on the playground...

One looks to the other and asks, "Do you guys pray before you eat dinner?"

The other replies, "No, my mom knows how to cook."

A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.

When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"

Why don't blondes pray in church?

When they are on their knees, their mouths are usually full.

Winston goes to church

Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.

I was too quick with the spade.

Who do businessmen pray to?

The Prophet Margin

My experience from FPS gaming really paid off when my wife wanted to have a baby.

Spray and pray.

Mathematical Sex.

Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

Please stop hating on Trump, he saved my friend's life!

Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.

And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.

The power of prayer

A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"

The priest on boards says he can pray.

Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."

One little girl asks another

"Do you pray to the lord before meals?"
The other girl answered: "No, my mom knows to cook."

Praying is just like masturbation.

It feels good to the person doing it but does nothing for the person being thought about.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."

Prayer has no place in the public schools

just like facts have no place in organized religion

Why do televangelists go to church every Sunday?

To pray on the week.

Little Timmy asks his friend " Does your family pray before dinner?"

His friend replies "No, my mom knows how to cook"

Why do praying mantises pray?

Because they are in sects.

Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'

Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."

The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.

Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?

Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."

I lost my job as an architect after my first day

Apparently a revolving mosque makes it difficult to pray towards Mecca.

Cr

Meanwhile at a catholic church...

We pray you Saint Anne...

The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.

(Made this up myself, still giggling...)

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

Little Johnny is in Catholic School

The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"

Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."

Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."

Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."

The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.

Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

Where does Elon Musk pray?

The Elon Mosque

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

If your plane experiences turbulence, just pray. Works every time

Because no one alive has been able to claim otherwise.

Saying Grace

My wife's cooking is so bad we pray after the meal

guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible...

he said he's an eighth theist

I used to pray every night for a bicycle.

Then I realized the Lord doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?

The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.

He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.

And pray

And pray

After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious

He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist

who do Mice pray to?

The Lord cheesus

I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.

They're in sects.

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

What did the praying mantis say after impregnating his wife?

Ugh she's going to kill me

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?

A: Lettuce pray!

Stress relief

Doctor : What do you do when you feel stressed?

Patient: I go to the temple...

Doctor : Good...and u pray there ?

Patient : No... I mix-up all shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me..... and my stress goes away

The wish.

One day, a married couple walked into a temple. The preist said "today is a fortunate day for praying, you both pray to god and ask a wish each and it will be granted"
The Wife prays "God, I hope me and my husband stay together for 7 lives"
Husband after listening this, prays "God, may this be the seventh life of us staying together".

A man is late for an important meeting

A man is late for an important meeting.
But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. Found one!

Yesterday I saw a tiger on my way back home.

I was terrified I suddenly started pray. Then looked back at tiger and saw he was also praying. I asked him "Why are you praying?" He replied "I always pray before i eat".

Always pray in English...

Mr. Sharma, a Hindu suffered a heart attack. The paramedics arrived and put Mr. Sharma in the ambulance and raced towards the hospital. Realizing his time had come, Mr. Sharma started reciting the Hindu prayer, "Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om..."

10 minutes later the paramedics brought him back to his house. His wife was aghast and asked the paramedics why they brought him back home?

The paramedics replied, "as soon as we were on our way, he kept shouting hurry home, hurry home, hurry home, so we brought him back..."

A man keeps praying to God to please let him win the lottery...

He prays every day for years... and years... and years!! He even got his church to pray for him with diligent prayer warriors.

One day he angrily shouts at God, why won't you hear my effing prayer..!!???

God answers, why don't you go buy an effing ticket..??!!

A guy was smoking while saying prayers.

His shocked friend asked, "Tell me how did the priest allow you to smoke while praying when he refused to permit me."

"What did you ask?" enquired his friend.

"Can I smoke while I am praying?" replied his friend.

"No wonder he refused you because I asked the priest, 'Can I pray while I am smoking?' and he said, 'Yes!'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pray forgiveness jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pray grace piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes