Pray Jokes
130 pray jokes and hilarious pray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of pray jokes. From clean Christian jokes to funny Church jokes, we've got the funniest religious jokes to make you smile.
Quick Jump To
- Short Pray Jokes
- Pray One Liners
- Lettuce Pray Jokes
- Muslims Pray Jokes
- Pray For Me Jokes
- More Pray Jokes
Funniest Pray Short Jokes
Short pray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pray humour may include short hope jokes also.
- What's the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion? It varies, they're all in sects.
- None of my european electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
- What's the difference between people who pray in church and people who pray in a casino? They ones who pray in a casino really mean it!
- Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook. - What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos? The ones in the casinos are serious.
- When I was young, I used to pray to the Lord everyday to give me a bike. But then I realised it doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
- guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible... he said he's an eighth theist
Share These Pray Jokes With Friends
Pray One Liners
Which pray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pray? I can suggest the ones about pong and pass.
- Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion. They're in sects.
- Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars? Elon's Mosque
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Who do MICE pray to? CHEESUS
- What do noodles say when they finish praying? Ramen
- What do you call a flying priest? A bird of pray
- My wife has to be the worst cook ever. In my house we pray after we eat.
- Caesar is dead The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
- How do churches stay so strong? They pray on the weak.
- 'Do you always pray before dinner?' 'No, my mom is a good cook.'
- My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
- Why is religion like mobile gaming? Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.
- What did the praying mantis say after impregnating his wife? Ugh she's going to kill me
- Why do televangelists go to church every Sunday? To pray on the week.
- What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"
Lettuce Pray Jokes
Here is a list of funny lettuce pray jokes and even better lettuce pray puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
- Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
- What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper? "Lettuce, pray."
- Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church? A: Lettuce pray!
- What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray.
- What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner? Lettuce Pray
- What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip.
- A bowl of salad went to church Lettuce pray
- A priest is celebrating mass. He begins with, "I was going to tell a vegetable joke, but I can't think of any, so lettuce pray."
- What do vegans say before praying? Lettuce pray.
Muslims Pray Jokes
Here is a list of funny muslims pray jokes and even better muslims pray puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream. Then both of us are in A La mode.
- Where do Rastafarian Muslims go to pray? Ja-mecca
- Where do Russian Muslims pray ? Mosque'O
- Hey girl are you Muslim? Because you're about to pray to Allah deez nuts
- Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit down next to him with some apple pie and ice cream. So that both of us are in A la mode.
- What do you call a Muslim that only prays during the Summer? Sunni.
- Where does a Muslim moth go to pray? The mothque.
- Where do Muslim dwarfs go to pray? The mosquito.
- Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream? Both are in *a la mode*.
- What did the Muslim electrican say when he was praying? Allahu powerbar
Pray For Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny pray for me jokes and even better pray for me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are. Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
- I grew up in a religious household and I used to pray and ask God for a bicycle As I got older I learned that God and praying didn't work this way. So I stole a bicycle and ask God to forgive me
- 2 girls were talking on the playground... One looks to the other and asks, "Do you guys pray before you eat dinner?"
The other replies, "No, my mom knows how to cook." - What do you call a hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread? A Naan Believer.
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- The multiple times I talk to God it's called praying But the one time God talks back to me I'm labeled as a schizophrenic
- I was going to pray to god for a bike. But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
- When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that's not how prayer works. So I stole a bike...and prayed for forgiveness.
- Whats the difference between the people praying in a church and the people praying in a casino? The people in the casino mean it.
- Little Timmy asks his friend " Does your family pray before dinner?" His friend replies "No, my mom knows how to cook"
Entertaining Pray Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about pray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean protect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pray pranks.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
s**... is like...
s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.
A pastor goes hiking
as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."
Little Billy had been blind since birth...
...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."
So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
Where do evil Jedi go to pray?
The Sithteen Chapel.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....
I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.
To whom do agnostics pray?
To whom it may concern.
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
What do you call a religious owl?
A bird of pray.
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says: "RABBI RABBI! you're not going to believe what happened to me! My son turned Christian and left the house!"
The Rabbi says: "Well, you're not going to believe what happened to me! MY son turned Christian and Left the house."
"Well, what are we going to do?!" Asked the man.
"Let's pray to God and ask him for advice" the Rabbi answers.
They both look up and say: "God, God, you're not going to believe what happened to us! Both our sons turned Christian and left the house"
God responds: "well, you're not going to believe what happened to ME!"
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
Praying for a parking space..
A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.
Preacher
A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.
Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?
Anubis
(If you don't get it, say it slower.)
A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...
... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."
Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.
A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...
The answer was an emphatic No!
Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!
That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!
When I was little I prayed to God for ridiculous amounts of money when I'm older
I think I should have chosen my words more carefully
Here's one from Russia
A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"
A drunk's prayer...
A drunk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"
Blessed Are The Red-n**...
What's wrong, Bubba? asked the pastor.
I need you to pray for my hearing, said Bubba.
The pastor put his hands on
Bubba's ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, So how's your hearing?
I don't know, said Bubba. It isn't until next Tuesday.
A prayer
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out: "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward: "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
Good", said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short"
Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life
The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.
A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....
A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.
He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"
A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."
The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"
Please pray for my wife....
A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.
A man was praying to god for money and fame.
Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.
The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'
I used to smoke w**... and go to class...
Sneak in ten minutes late with a b**... excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.
When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"
Why don't blondes pray in church?
When they are on their knees, their mouths are usually full.
Winston goes to church
Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the s**....
Who do businessmen pray to?
The Prophet Margin
Mathematical s**....
s**... is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Please stop hating on Trump, he saved my friend's life!
Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.
And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.
The power of prayer
A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"
The priest on boards says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."
Praying is just like m**....
It feels good to the person doing it but does nothing for the person being thought about.
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
Prayer has no place in the public schools
just like facts have no place in organized religion
Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'
Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."
The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.
Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?
Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."
Little Johnny is in Catholic School
The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"
Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."
Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."
Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."
The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.
Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"
Saying Grace
My wife's cooking is so bad we pray after the meal
I used to pray every night for a bicycle.
Then I realized the Lord doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms
The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?
The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.
He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.
And pray
And pray
After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious
He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist
A man is late for an important meeting
A man is late for an important meeting.
But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. Found one!
A guy was smoking while saying prayers.
His shocked friend asked, "Tell me how did the priest allow you to smoke while praying when he refused to permit me."
"What did you ask?" enquired his friend.
"Can I smoke while I am praying?" replied his friend.
"No wonder he refused you because I asked the priest, 'Can I pray while I am smoking?' and he said, 'Yes!'
A man goes to pray to a statue of an angel at his church
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then at least twice a day, if not more often, he goes to church, kneels for the statue and prays:
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then, after years of this, a miracle! The statue springs to life in an aura of light and heavenly music and then bends over, looks the man in the face and speaks:
"Please, please, PLEASE buy a lottery ticket!"
A man comes home from church with two black eyes.
His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"
"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"
"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"
During prayer request I asked the preacher to pray for my hearing.
He decided to bring me up in front of the church anoint me with oil and have the elders lay hands and pray over me.
When they finished the Precher asked how's my hearing?
I said idk it isn't til next week.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger boy began praying at the top of his voice. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE!"
the older brother leaned over and nudged his younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandma is!" the little brother replied
Where do head lice go to pray?
The temple
haha.
-My Friend Devon
A Salesman is Late for an Important Meeting.
A Salesman is Late for an important meeting, but as he is driving around looking for a parking spot, he realises they are all taken. Desperately, he begins to pray
"Please lord!" He says, "If you let me find a spot I will attend church every week and never drink beer again!"
Suddenly, a parking spot appears in front of him, beautifully placed in the perfect position.
"Oh, nevermind." He says, "I found one."
A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall
They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine"
" and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?"
"like arguing with a wall" he replies.
