Pray Jokes
119 pray jokes and hilarious pray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of pray jokes. From clean Christian jokes to funny Church jokes, we've got the funniest religious jokes to make you smile.
Funniest Pray Short Jokes
Short pray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pray humour may include short hope jokes also.
- What's the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - None of my european electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
- What's the difference between people who pray in church and people who pray in a casino? They ones who pray in a casino really mean it!
- Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook. - guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible... he said he's an eighth theist
- I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are. Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
- What do you call a hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread? A Naan Believer.
- The multiple times I talk to God it's called praying But the one time God talks back to me I'm labeled as a schizophrenic
Share These Pray Jokes With Friends
Pray One Liners
Which pray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pray? I can suggest the ones about pong and pass.
- Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion. They're in sects.
- Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars? Elon's Mosque
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Who do MICE pray to? CHEESUS
- What do noodles say when they finish praying? Ramen
- What do you call a flying priest? A bird of pray
- My wife has to be the worst cook ever. In my house we pray after we eat.
- Caesar is dead The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
- 'Do you always pray before dinner?' 'No, my mom is a good cook.'
- Why is religion like mobile gaming? Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.
- What did the praying mantis say after impregnating his wife? Ugh she's going to kill me
- Why do televangelists go to church every Sunday? To pray on the week.
- What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"
- What does the Japanese Jesus say after praying? Ramen
- Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
Lettuce Pray Jokes
Here is a list of funny lettuce pray jokes and even better lettuce pray puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
- What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper? "Lettuce, pray."
- Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church? A: Lettuce pray!
- What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip.
- A priest is celebrating mass. He begins with, "I was going to tell a vegetable joke, but I can't think of any, so lettuce pray."
- What do vegans say before praying? Lettuce pray.
- The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"
- What did Reverend Rabbit say before blessing his meal ? Lettuce Pray.
- What did the Christian Cabbage say before eating? Lettuce Pray.
- Why is there so much salad in heaven? Because lettuce pray.
Pray For Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny pray for me jokes and even better pray for me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Little Timmy asks his friend " Does your family pray before dinner?" His friend replies "No, my mom knows how to cook"
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Little Johnny When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.
- Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down? Anubis
(If you don't get it, say it slower.) - What do you call a religious owl? A bird of pray.
- What's the Priest of an insect church? A Praying Mantis.
Yes I thought of this joke, no im not sorry. - I made explosive praying rug Prophets are through the roof!
- When I was little I prayed to God for ridiculous amounts of money when I'm older I think I should have chosen my words more carefully
- Where do evil Jedi go to pray? The Sithteen Chapel.
- Saying grace My wife's cooking is so bad we pray after the meal
Entertaining Pray Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about pray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean protect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pray pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like...
s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.
Little Billy had been blind since birth...
...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."
So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....
I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.
To whom do agnostics pray?
To whom it may concern.
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says: "RABBI RABBI! you're not going to believe what happened to me! My son turned Christian and left the house!"
The Rabbi says: "Well, you're not going to believe what happened to me! MY son turned Christian and Left the house."
"Well, what are we going to do?!" Asked the man.
"Let's pray to God and ask him for advice" the Rabbi answers.
They both look up and say: "God, God, you're not going to believe what happened to us! Both our sons turned Christian and left the house"
God responds: "well, you're not going to believe what happened to ME!"
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
Preacher
A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.
I didn't know owls were religious
Until someone told me they were a bird of pray
A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...
... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."
Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.
A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...
The answer was an emphatic No!
Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!
That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!
A drunk's prayer...
A drunk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blessed Are The Red-n**...
What's wrong, Bubba? asked the pastor.
I need you to pray for my hearing, said Bubba.
The pastor put his hands on
Bubba's ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, So how's your hearing?
I don't know, said Bubba. It isn't until next Tuesday.
Some people say I worry too much.
I pray for those people.
Where do Rastafarian Muslims go to pray?
Ja-mecca
Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life
The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.
Please pray for my wife....
A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.
A man was praying to god for money and fame.
Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.
The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'
If I get sick, I'll ask all my friends to pray for me in their free time.
I don't think it will help, but if I don't get to do anything fun, neither should they.
Man Request Prayer In Church
Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"
A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"
The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"
So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"
The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.
A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.
When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"
Winston goes to church
Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the s**....
Who do businessmen pray to?
The Prophet Margin
My experience from FPS gaming really paid off when my wife wanted to have a baby.
Spray and pray.
Please stop hating on Trump, he saved my friend's life!
Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.
And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Praying is just like m**....
It feels good to the person doing it but does nothing for the person being thought about.
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
Prayer has no place in the public schools
just like facts have no place in organized religion
Why do praying mantises pray?
Because they are in sects.
What state would expect to see a priest pray, sneeze and sit down
Massachusetts
Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'
Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."
The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.
Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?
Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."
I lost my job as an architect after my first day
Apparently a revolving mosque makes it difficult to pray towards Mecca.
Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile at a catholic church...
We pray you Saint Anne...
The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
(Made this up myself, still giggling...)
Little Johnny is in Catholic School
The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"
Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."
Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."
Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."
The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.
Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"
Where does Elon Musk pray?
The Elon Mosque
If your plane experiences turbulence, just pray. Works every time
Because no one alive has been able to claim otherwise.
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms
The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?
The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.
He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.
And pray
And pray
After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious
He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist
Where does a catholic geologist go to pray?
Land Mass
I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.
Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.
Then both of us are in A La mode.
Always pray in English...
Mr. Sharma, a Hindu suffered a heart attack. The paramedics arrived and put Mr. Sharma in the ambulance and raced towards the hospital. Realizing his time had come, Mr. Sharma started reciting the Hindu prayer, "Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om..."
10 minutes later the paramedics brought him back to his house. His wife was aghast and asked the paramedics why they brought him back home?
The paramedics replied, "as soon as we were on our way, he kept shouting hurry home, hurry home, hurry home, so we brought him back..."
A man keeps praying to God to please let him win the lottery...
He prays every day for years... and years... and years!! He even got his church to pray for him with diligent prayer warriors.
One day he angrily shouts at God, why won't you hear my effing prayer..!!???
God answers, why don't you go buy an effing ticket..??!!
A guy was smoking while saying prayers.
His shocked friend asked, "Tell me how did the priest allow you to smoke while praying when he refused to permit me."
"What did you ask?" enquired his friend.
"Can I smoke while I am praying?" replied his friend.
"No wonder he refused you because I asked the priest, 'Can I pray while I am smoking?' and he said, 'Yes!'
A man goes to pray to a statue of an angel at his church
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then at least twice a day, if not more often, he goes to church, kneels for the statue and prays:
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then, after years of this, a miracle! The statue springs to life in an aura of light and heavenly music and then bends over, looks the man in the face and speaks:
"Please, please, PLEASE buy a lottery ticket!"
The Catholic Church just released a new app... But...
It's pay to pray.
My mother-in-law just called
and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.
I told her: you're such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray.
A man comes home from church with two black eyes.
His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"
"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"
"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"
During prayer request I asked the preacher to pray for my hearing.
He decided to bring me up in front of the church anoint me with oil and have the elders lay hands and pray over me.
When they finished the Precher asked how's my hearing?
I said idk it isn't til next week.
Prayer
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
Where do head lice go to pray?
The temple
haha.
-My Friend Devon
A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall
They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine"
" and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?"
"like arguing with a wall" he replies.
A travelling Bishop made a stop at a monastery
He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. He asked the monastery superior about it.
Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. They said NO"
Bishop: "????? ......"
Monk: " .... but then we asked whether it was OK to pray while smoking and they found nothing wrong with that"
