Practice Jokes

122 practice jokes and hilarious practice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about practice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Don't miss the chance to make everyone laugh! Get the best tips on how to practice and perfect your joke-telling skills. Learn how to excel in writing jokes, target practice, and exercise your ensemble skills. Give your athletics a boost with funny materials to help you shine as a comedian.

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jokes about practice

Best Short Practice Jokes

Short practice puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The practice humour may include short exercise jokes also.

  1. I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
    Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
  2. Sergeant: Smith! I didn't see you at camouflage practice today! Private Smith: Thank you, Sir!
  3. Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools
  4. What do you call a wolf that is woke? Awarewolf

    (credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)
  5. My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am! Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.
  6. How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
  7. My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice
  8. I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and peace" in about 10 seconds. I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!
  9. My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.
  10. I just became a Dad two months ago and I'm still practicing my Dad jokes, bear with me. Don't worry though, he's a trained bear and completely under control.
Practice joke, I just became a Dad two months ago and I'm still practicing my Dad jokes, bear with me.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about practice can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of practice puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Practice One Liners

Which practice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with practice? I can suggest the ones about study and playing.

  1. Why didn't the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn't habanero.
  2. Prince Andrew didn't kill himself! Sorry, just practicing it
  3. What religion do ghost practice? Boo-ddhism
  4. Ghislaine Maxwell did not kill herself Sorry, just practicing
  5. why are black people so good at basketball? because they practice
  6. How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English? Dairy practice.
  7. What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception? Parents.
  8. My commander told me he didn't see me at camo practice. I said "Thanks."
  9. I'm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks It makes me boulder
  10. Why were kamikaze flyers a bad weapon? Because all the good ones died in practice.
  11. Don't join dangerous cults Practice safe sects
  12. Stalin would do well in my math class: He's got a lot of practice solving by elimination.
  13. What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.
  14. How do you get better at spelling? Practiss, practise, practice.
  15. What type of fighting technique do amputees practice? Partial arts.

Target Practice Jokes

Here is a list of funny target practice jokes and even better target practice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Being in the military, my kids are used to moving around a lot. Because I use them for target practice.
  • What's the difference between target practice and having cow computer problems? You shoot with a bullet and troubleshoot with Bull IT
  • What do Stormtroopers call target practice? Shooting the breeze
  • Do you know why far right US politicians are pro-life? Because they need to do regular target practice
  • I came up with this a few years back. Yo mommas' so fat, the Death Star used her for target practice.
  • What do you call an intelligent Saudi Arabian woman? Target practice
  • Using rulers for target practice has really set me back in life. I'm tired of shooting myself in the foot.
  • What do you call a room full of autistic kids Downtown.
    Just kidding, target practice.
  • What do you call a riot in Baltimore? Target practice.
  • What was Hiroshima's code name in World War 2? Target Practice.

Practice Makes Perfect Jokes

Here is a list of funny practice makes perfect jokes and even better practice makes perfect puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If "practice makes perfect", but "nobody is perfect" Then I won't practice at all, it'll make me a nobody!
  • Practice makes perfect. But only if you remove the A, the I, a C, add an F and an E and then rearrange the letters.
  • Nice guys finish last. But thats because practice makes perfect.
  • Dad says he's practicing Tai Chi to learn how to align his 'Chi's Now, he says, he just needs to learn how to align his crackers, and he'll be able to make a perfect party platter.
  • Perfection "Practice makes perfect"
    "Nobody's perfect"
    I'm so confused
  • They say practice makes perfect But all that s**... just gave my friend kids

Handwriting Practice Jokes

Here is a list of funny handwriting practice jokes and even better handwriting practice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I found an excuse for bad handwriting. I'm just practicing encryption.
Practice joke, I found an excuse for bad handwriting.

Playful Practice Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about practice you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean performance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make practice prank.

My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.

He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!

practicing with the violin

A little boy goes to his weekly violin lesson, but when he opens the violin case he blurts out a curse, and slams the case shut again.
"What's wrong?" asks the teacher.
"It seems my father is going to rob the bank with my violin"

My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and m**....

I'm always trying to pull a fast one.

What is the meanest practical joke one can pull on a blind person?

Leaving a plunger in the toilet.

Math in the real world

Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."

Blind pilots

A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"

The engineer and the mathematician

A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.
She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."
"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."
The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.
The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.
The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day.

Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

Got in a fight with my wife last night

Says o**... to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"
"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"
"Really, what did she say?"
"Get out from under the bed you coward"

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.
"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."
The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.
"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"
Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"

My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was "practically screaming out at her"

That's the last time I buy her an orphan

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The o**... was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another o**.... As Billy began to play, the o**... also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another o**... for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple o**... failure."

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage.

He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."

Here's a joke for you.

Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
This last bit translates into some practical advice. If you go fishing, don't bring a Baptist; he'll drink all the beer. But if you bring two of them, you'll have it all to yourself.

How do Mongolians practice safe s**...?

They use a khandom.

From an English Professor.

"In the world of hi-tech gadgetry , I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the practice of using capital letters.
The use of capitals , known as capitalization , is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
Is everybody clear on that ?"

A woman says to her doctor, "Kiss me!"

He says "No, I can't."
She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"
Again he says "No, that would be unprofessional."
Now she's practically begging "Kiss me!"
He yells "No! I shouldn't even be having s**... with you right now."

In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers

People stopped at nothing to avoid them

Brainless Lawyers

In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

I found a wallet today, and as a practicing Christian, I asked myself "what would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

As a doctor, I've had a private practice for 20 years. But I'm quitting...

I just don't have the patients for it anymore

Where did the practice of b**... originate?

It comes from all over.

A man walks into Target

He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."

Two germans visit France in the early 50s

Two germans are visiting Paris in the early 50s. They want to order drinks, but they don't want to be thought of as germans, since it's post-WW2. So they practice their english accent for their order. Once it's ready, they go at the bar.
"Hello barman, may we have two martinis ?" asked one of the german.
"Dry ?" asked the barman.

Why is it common practice for sumo wrestlers to shave?

So they don't get mistaken for a feminist

How do ISIS members practice safe s**...?

they mark the camels that kick

Tip for when you are attacked by a bear

Play dead.
It will be good practice for when you die a couple minutes later.

How do Welsh farmers practice safe s**...?

Spray a red 'X' on the back of ones that kick.

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

s**... is like a chess game

1. The more you practice the better you play.
2. You need to watch your partner's every move.
3. The first game was with grandpa.

What's the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?


A woman says to her doctor "Kiss me!"

He answers "No, I can't."
She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"
Again he says "No, ma'am, that would be unprofessional."
Now she's practically begging "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
He finally yells "No! I shouldn't even be having s**... with you right now."

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."
"Go on then" the second one says.
"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"
The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"
"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...

Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

I have the worst neighbour ever! He keeps on b**... on the wall at 3 a.m.

Completely ruins my drumming practice.

We have an Irish guy who comes to the pub every night and orders two beers at the same time.

He was asked about this peculiar practice and said, I promised me brother in Ireland that I would always have a pint for him while in America .
This went on for years. The man was a fixture at the bar, ordering his two pints and sitting at the bar drinking them by himself for years.
One day, the man walked into the bar and said, bartender, one beer please . Silence fell. After a few moments, the bartender comes over, hands the man his pint, and says, Hey, I'm really sorry about your brother .
What? Me brother is fine! I've quit drinking .

Person 1:Do you want to hear my Batman impression ?

Person 2: Sure!
Person 1: AARGH NO! Not the Kryptonite!
Person 2: That's Super Man!
Person 1: Thanks, I've been practicing it

Sergeant: I didn't see you at camouflage practice this morning Private!

Private: Yes Sir! Thank you sir!

Dad to his son: Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!

Son: Go on, then.
Son: Dad, that's Superman!
Dad: Thanks, I've been practicing a lot.

I have the worst neighbor in the World. He keeps on b**... on the wall at 3:00 A.M.

It's really disrupting my drumming practice.

Recently I've been learning how to draw optical illusions so I can surprise my girlfriend with one on her birthday.

Unfortunately she walked in and caught me practicing the other day.
Her: "What's that!"
Me: "I can's not what it looks like!"

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Do you want to hear my Batman impression?

- Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot

Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?

Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!

What do me and Rudy Giuliani have in common?

Neither of us are allowed to practice law in New York.

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

'Oh no! Kryptonite!'
'That's Superman.'
'Thanks man. I've been practicing.'

Man talking to his wife and asks honey, where did you place the broken condoms?

Wife: please stop referring to our kids as broken condoms, and they are at football practice

A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.

They are shown into a room where a n**... woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

What does a stripper do with her a**hole before she goes to work?

She drops him and his drum kit off at band practice.

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.

After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"
The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."

I came up with a new word.

Plagiarism: the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own.

Cross-examination of a coroner

"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."

Practice joke, Cross-examination of a coroner

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these practice jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.