The Best 43 Practically Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Practically jokes. There are some practically invariably jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these practically downright puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Practically Jokes and Puns

I'm so hip...

I'm practically a pelvis!

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day.

Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...

The Son dragged a hoe out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the hoe looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this hoe will last?" His Father took one look at the hoe and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."

Practically joke, A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...

Got in a fight with my wife last night

Says one guy to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"
"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"
"Really, what did she say?"
"Get out from under the bed you coward"

On a rainy day two men are standing under the poplar trees in the park

One of them is weeping:

- John. Do you know how difficult it is to lose a wife?
- I know Jack, I know. Practically impossible.


An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

I'm going to do my Christmas shopping in Missouri.

I hear the deals are so hot the stores are practically on fire!

Practically joke, I'm going to do my Christmas shopping in Missouri.

Why do they call it Black Friday?

Because the prices are so good you are practically stealing.

My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was "practically screaming out at her"

That's the last time I buy her an orphan

I served baby rabbit this evening.

It got over the net, but there was practically no bounce.

Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous

You're practically begging for typos.

You can explore practically plentiful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean practically nigh dad jokes. There are also practically puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A woman says to her doctor, "Kiss me!"

He says "No, I can't."

She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"

Again he says "No, that would be unprofessional."

Now she's practically begging "Kiss me!"

He yells "No! I shouldn't even be having sex with you right now."

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

Backwards Compatibility.

People hated on the new console generation because they weren't backwards compatible, the Internet practically crucified Sony and Microsoft. But really people have always been like this.

Did you see what they did to that Jesus guy when he announced Christianity was no longer backwards compatible with Judaism?

I don't like to stand next to a bus when it honks

It's practically a deaf sentence.

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one...

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one, like the Wall of China. I mean, there are practically no Mexicans in China.

Practically joke, If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one...

A Girl And A Shotgun Is Practically The Same

They both have to be loaded at the bottom

At the French restaurant I recently visited, my meal was filled with contempt (and cheese!) I could practically taste the hatred of the chef.

No wonder the menu item is called "The Crepes of Wrath"

Why did I rape a salad?

The way it was dressed, it was practically asking for it!


Shouldn't conservatives advocate for publicly funded abortion clinics?

The waiting lines will become so long, the baby will practically be born by the time the mother gets to the clinic.

A son asks his dad what is the difference between practical and theoretical

The tells the son to bring his sister. He then tells her: 'For $1000, would you sleep with your brother?' 'For a thousand, yes!' She answers. The dad then tells the sob to bring his mother. He tells her: 'For $1000, would you sleep with your son?' 'Foe a thousand, yes!' She replies. The dad then tells his son: 'You see, theoretically, we have $2000, practically, we have two whores!'

"I can't believe it, this firewood practically burns out almost immediately."

"Oh dude, that's a negative log."

A monk had sex with a practically decomposed corpse.

It was considered a grave offense.

(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")

What do Sperm Banks and sailboats have in common?

Practically nothing

A guy named Miles gets lost during a marathon in India...

"Surely I should be at the finish line by now!" he thinks.

Shortly he comes upon a group of Punjabi people, practically a score of them. "Excuse me," he asks, "Have you all seen anyone running a race around here? I'm not sure how long this thing is supposed to be. If so, can you point them out to me?"

Twenty Sikhs point to Miles.

Young Boy : Grandpa, tell me a story of your childhood

Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.

YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?

OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do so anymore.

Theoretically and practically

"Dad, dad - what's the difference between theoretically and practically?"

"Son, go ask your mother and your sister whether they'd sleep with our neighbor for 1 million dollars."

A few minutes later.

"So, what did they say?"

"Both said they'd sleep with him for 1 million dollars!"

"See, son - theoretically we could have 2 million dollars, practically we're living with two whores."

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.? The friend replied to that
Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO

Went to my Roman neighbour's 30th birthday party wearing practically nothing

Won't be making THAT mistake again...

Our current president is practically a cartoon character...

He is tweety, and belongs in a cage.

I drink regularly every two weeks...

...but every week too.



\[technically the truth, practically too\]\[OC\]

A woman says to her doctor "Kiss me!"

He answers "No, I can't."

She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"

Again he says "No, ma'am, that would be unprofessional."

Now she's practically begging "Kiss me! Kiss me!"

He finally yells "No! I shouldn't even be having sex with you right now."

Say what you want about America being on lockdown...

but school shootings are practically zero.

What is a benefit of being a Redditor

You're practically immune to STIs.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

A kid comes to his father and asks him what's the difference between hypothetical and practical?

The father says go to your mother and sister, and ask them if they'd have sex with a complete stranger for one million dollars

The little kid does so and comes back to his dad... they both said yes he told him

Well then says the father *hypothetically* we have two million dollars in the bank... but *practically* we live with two whores

People should stop picking on anti-vaxxers...

....After all, they're practically defenseless!

The pimple on my forehead is enormous.

It practically has its own zit code.

There once was a pirate named Bates

Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Why do all bodybuilders train their Abs?

It's practically oblique-atory

Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being horny?

# Depends on where you put the cucumber.



My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.

The difference between theoretically and practically

A son asks his father, dad, what is the difference between theoretically and practically? The father promptly instructs the boy, Go ask your mother if she would sleep with our neighbor for $1 million and then go ask your sister the same question.
The son does just that. His mother answers with a clear yes and so does his sister. Excited he goes back to his father and tells him they both said yes. To which the father replies, you see son, theoretically we're millionaires, practically we live with two whores.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the practically outright jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working practically literally piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes