Practical Office Jokes
9 practical office jokes and hilarious practical office puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about practical office that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Practical Office Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What is a good practical office joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A gynecologist decides to make a career change...
He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog!
Unless it's a repressed memory, I made this puppy up myself...
A woman walked into Dr Smith's office and introduced herself.
Hi, I'm Dr Yvette Tan, I've just become an accredited psychiatrist and would love to work as part of your medical practice .
Despite some misgivings, Dr Tan assured him she'd be needed eventually, and once he'd checked all her papers, he set her up in an empty office down the hall.
The next morning a man came in to see him and yelled out Doctor! I feel like I'm a dog!
Ah yes, the doctor replies, I think you'll need to see Yvette
Trip to the Doctor
Earlier today I was at the doctors office for my yearly physical but my regular Doctor was out. So in walks this beautiful blonde Doctor with the most amazing body... needless to say I was a little taken aback. She said she was fresh out of Medical School and had recently joined my regular Doctors practice. Halfway through my physical, she told me that I would need to stop m**..., when I asked "why?" she replied: "I'm not done giving you the physical".
Why did so many KGB officers become cab drivers after the fall of the USSR?
It was very practical! You just had to tell them your name and they already knew your address.
A Chinese man with the unfortunate name "Shan Yu"
To escape the ridicule of his peers, this man moved to the United States and found a job in an office that simplified scholarly articles on FOL (first order logic) so that the average Joe could read them.
It turned out this was Shan Yu's dream job; no one else could handle the language in the FOL files like he could. In his off hours he would practice hiding his accent, and "FOL" was his word of choice.
After years of practice, Shan Yu's accent was rock solid in all but the most emotional scenarios, and even then was only a bit shaky.
One day, Shan Yu heard his supervisor explaining to a client that the papers his company managed were beginning to become far too erudite for the average reader to grasp. In casual terms, these were the FOL-est papers he'd ever seen. Upon hearing this, Shan Yu slammed open the door and proclaimed: "Only Yu can prevent FORest fires!"
So a while back the Pope went on a visit...
to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.
So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven in ages, not since I was a bishop." He promptly orders the chauffeur to pull over and get in the back seat. The Pope gets in front, slams his foot down on the gas, and barrels down Main Street.
The Pope is a terrible driver, and extremely out of practice. He crashes into street lights, fire hydrants, small children, everything. Eventually a police car comes, sirens blaring, and the Pope pulls over.
The cop gets out of his car and taps on the window, and the Pope rolls the window down. The cop and the Pope stare at each other for a while, and then the cop nods and walks back to his squad car. The Pope drives off.
A nearby witness, who has seen the whole thing, runs over to the cop.
"Officer!" he asks, "Why didn't you arrest that man, or at least give him a ticket?"
The cop shakes his head and says: "He's too important to arrest."
The man says: "Who could be so important that they could get away with *that*?"
The cop replies: "I don't know, but he's got the Pope as his driver."
A drunk man driving a Lamborghini is pulled over...
A drunk man driving a Lamborghini is pulled over by a police officer.
As the officer approaches the car, the drunk man jumps out of the door and tries to make a run for it. The cop, furious, catches up to the drunk man and brings him back to his car.
The officer proceeds to reach into his pocket and pull out a piece of chalk, which he uses to draw a circle on the ground around the vehicle and its intoxicated owner.
After the cop obtains the drunk man's license and registration, he informs the man that he will be arrested if he takes a single step out of the chalk circle.
The cop returns to his car, when he hears the drunk man giggling in the background. He returns and tells the drunk, "If you continue laughing, I'll break your car. Shut up and keep quiet."
Not ten seconds later he hears the drunk man snickering once again. The cop takes out his club and shatters the windshield of the Lamborghini. The drunk man's laughter grew even louder.
The cop yells, "stop laughing!" as he takes out his rage on the Lamborghini even further, breaking all of its windows and batting away at the car's exterior.
The drunk's laughter increases into an uncontrollable fit, as he is practically rolling on the ground beside his mutilated Lamborghini.
At last, the cop furiously asks, "Why do you keep laughing!!?"
The drunk man stands up and says, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times."
A captain is sent to a new company....
A sergeant shows him around. He points to the firing range and says, " This is where the men practice their shooting. It's also a great way to get rid of stress". The captain nods, then the sergeant points to the cafeteria and says, " This is where the men eat. It's also a great way to get rid of stress". After most of the tour is done, the captain notices a camel tied to a post. He asks " What's that camel for?" the sergeant answers " Well the men use to the camel to g.. " The captain interrupts him and says, " I get it, to get rid of stress, that's a bit disgusting if you ask me." The sergeant then brings him to his office, finishing the tour. A few months pass by, and the captain is getting s**... frustrated, he asked the sergeant to bring the camel in his office. He then proceeds to have s**... with the camel the best way he could. When he was done he looks at the sergeant, who had a look of surprise in his eyes, and says "What? you never seen any of the men do this before?". The sergeant simply answers " Well, usually the men use the camel to go to town and find a h**.... It's great way to get rid of stress".
Where Is God?
Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor's desk and they just look at each other. Finally, the Pastor says, "Where is God?" The boy just sits there and doesn't answer. The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, "Where is God?" The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn't answer. The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy's refusal to converse and practically shouts "Where is God?" To the pastor's surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office. The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother's room. He shuts the door and pants, "We're in BIG TROUBLE. God's missing and they think we did it!"
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