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Practical Jokes

80 practical jokes and hilarious practical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about practical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article provides practical jokes for the office that are fun, functional, and appropriate for the workplace. Read on for ideas that are sure to put a smile on your colleagues' faces!

Funniest Practical Short Jokes

Short practical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The practical humour may include short realistic jokes also.

  1. I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
    Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
  2. Sergeant: Smith! I didn't see you at camouflage practice today! Private Smith: Thank you, Sir!
  3. Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools
  4. What do you call a wolf that is woke? Awarewolf



    (credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)
  5. My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am! Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.
  6. How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
  7. My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice
  8. I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and peace" in about 10 seconds. I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!
  9. My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.
  10. I just became a Dad two months ago and I'm still practicing my Dad jokes, bear with me. Don't worry though, he's a trained bear and completely under control.

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Practical One Liners

Which practical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with practical? I can suggest the ones about theoretical and helpful.

  1. Why didn't the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn't habanero.
  2. Prince Andrew didn't kill himself! Sorry, just practicing it
  3. What religion do ghost practice? Boo-ddhism
  4. Ghislaine Maxwell did not kill herself Sorry, just practicing
  5. why are black people so good at basketball? because they practice
  6. How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English? Dairy practice.
  7. What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception? Parents.
  8. How do dumplings stay fit? They practice “dough-crobatics”!
  9. My commander told me he didn't see me at camo practice. I said "Thanks."
  10. I'm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks It makes me boulder
  11. Why were kamikaze flyers a bad weapon? Because all the good ones died in practice.
  12. Don't join dangerous cults Practice safe sects
  13. Stalin would do well in my math class: He's got a lot of practice solving by elimination.
  14. What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.
  15. How do you get better at spelling? Practiss, practise, practice.

Safe Practical Jokes

Here is a list of funny safe practical jokes and even better safe practical puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you avoid stds while in a dangerous cult? By making sure to practice safe sects
  • I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.
  • Please practice safe text. Use a comma & you won't miss a period.
  • Practice safe lunch... Use a condiment.
  • What's the best way to practice safe eating habits? By using condiments.
  • Don't be an ogre. Practice safe shreks.
  • Practice safe eating. Use condiments
    Just make sure the Mayo doesn't get everywhere.
    Be prepared!
  • What's the most important part of learning to play the saxophone? Practicing safe sax.
  • Why should all teenagers get a case for their cell phones? Because they should use protection to practice safe text
  • How do you practice safe snacking? With condiments

Work Practical Jokes

Here is a list of funny work practical jokes and even better work practical puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I came up with a new word. Plagiarism: the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own.
  • The gynecologist down the street is selling the upper floors of his practice... ...He only works in the downstairs area anyway...
  • I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.
  • I dunno why my work has posters up saying 'practice social distancing' I mean, do we really need more practice?
    I figure we're all pretty good at it by now.
  • Why was the baker so good with their finances? They had a lot of practice working with dough.
  • What do communism and a essay writer who plays no sport have in common? They work on paper, but not in practice.
  • Travelling doctors are an interesting idea... ...but they don't work in practice.
  • My wife is working so I can just sit here. Sofa so good.
    (I've got about 6 months to practice my dad joke material)
  • I'm a proctologist / gynecologist and my practice is starting to go south as I lose a lot of patients Mostly because I can only practice my ventriloquism at work...
  • Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Practical joke

Kids Practical Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids practical jokes and even better kids practical puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • After a long discussion and practical evaluation, my wife and I decided we don't want to have kids... We'll be telling them tomorrow, after dinner.
  • I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
  • Man talking to his wife and asks honey, where did you place the broken condoms? Wife: please stop referring to our kids as broken condoms, and they are at football practice
  • Being in the military, my kids are used to moving around a lot. Because I use them for target practice.
  • What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare? They're practically non existent.
  • Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success."
    Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
  • What move does the karate kid practice the most? He wax off everyday
  • What do you call a room full of autistic kids Downtown.
    Just kidding, target practice.
  • I was talking with a friend about my car... I told him about how, now that I have a kid, the car isn't very practical. He offered me 3,000 dollars for it. s**..., he's gonna hate being a dad.
  • They say practice makes perfect But all that s**... just gave my friend kids

Car Practical Jokes

Here is a list of funny car practical jokes and even better car practical puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I egged my mate's car in retaliation for a cruel practical joke he played on me. Now the yolk is on him.
  • I finally got such a roof box for the car. I finally got such a roof box for the car. Really practical, I have to say. You hardly hear the children anymore.
Practical joke, I finally got such a roof box for the car.

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Practical Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about practical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean convenient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make practical pranks.

My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.


He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

What religion do they practice in h**...?

Crispianity.

A man walks into Target

He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."

A woman says to her doctor, "Kiss me!"

He says "No, I can't."
She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"
Again he says "No, that would be unprofessional."
Now she's practically begging "Kiss me!"
He yells "No! I shouldn't even be having s**... with you right now."

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?

Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Yes.
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Yes.
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

A lawyer was interviewing a doctor about the death of a patient

"When you examined the patient, did you check his pulse?" asked the lawyer.
"I didn't" said the doctor.
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.
"No, I did not" the doctor said.
"So in other words" the lawyer said "When you signed the death certificate you had NOT taken adequate steps to confirm he was dead."
"Well, let me put it this way," said the doctor- "At that point, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk. But for all I know I guess he could've been out practicing law somewhere!"

A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...

Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Cross-examination of a coroner

"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."

A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.

They are shown into a room where a n**... woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

A woman says to her doctor "Kiss me!"

He answers "No, I can't."
She asks again "Doctor, please kiss me!"
Again he says "No, ma'am, that would be unprofessional."
Now she's practically begging "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
He finally yells "No! I shouldn't even be having s**... with you right now."

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.

After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"
The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."

I have the worst neighbor in the World. He keeps on b**... on the wall at 3:00 A.M.

It's really disrupting my drumming practice.

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

'Sure.'
'Oh no! Kryptonite!'
'That's Superman.'
'Thanks man. I've been practicing.'

Practical joke, 'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

jokes about practical