The Best 73 Pour Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pour jokes. There are some pour plop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pour spilt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pour Jokes and Puns

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

a man walks into a bar & orders nine glasses of wine...

the bartender starts to pour them but can't keep up with how fast the man is drinking them! he says "sir, if I may ask, why are you drinking like this?" he replies "you'd be drinking this way if you had what I have." the bartender looking shocked asked "sir, what is it you have??" he replies "a dollar".

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

-"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

-"For a beer?"

-"No, for stupid questions."

Pour joke, "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

Windows at home frozen

Wife by text to husband at work ............

"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"

Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"

Wife a few minutes later - "Done that - now computer won't work at all"!

Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.

Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?

Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"

the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH


I poured Spot remover on my dog...

Now he's gone.

she can't open windows.

On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:

Windows frozen, it won't open

Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside

Five minutes later, wife texts back.

Computer's really screwed up now...

Pour joke, she can't open windows.

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.

Wife: Windows frozen.
Husband: Pour some warm water over them.
Wife: Computer completely screwed up now.

The (wo)man of the house

Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!!

How do you make a cat go woof?

You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

^He^^He^^^He^^^^He

You can explore pour teaspoon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pour glass dad jokes. There are also pour puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was at a store and I saw some yogurt in a big bag with a spout...

I guess that you could say the yogurt was pour quality

What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug?

Just Beer.

If you don't get it, think mathematically.

Pour me a drink before I get into a fight

Man: hurry, pour me a drink before I get into a fight

Bartender: here

Man: another one before I get into fight

Bartender: here

Man: another one before I...

Bartender: here, but who are you going to fight?

Man: you maybe, because I got no money.

Frozen...

Text Message from Wife:
Windows frozen. Won't Open.

Husband:
Pour lukewarm water on window. Tap gently with hammer to free windows.

Wife:
Computer really messed up now. Nothing works.

A man walks into a Jewish bar

And asks the old bartender to pour him a drink.
The old bartender pours it and the man asks:

" Haim, why is it that you never fill up the drinks?"

" That's because I'm old and can't see that well anymore."

" Okay, but why is it that you never pour too much then?"

" Well I'm not blind, am I ?"

Pour joke, A man walks into a Jewish bar

My wife texted me at lunch

"Window's frozen"

"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.

Ten minutes later, she called back.

"We need a new computer now".

What is worse than bad grammar?

pour grammar

What does a coffee pot say when it's feeling sorry for itself?

Pour me...

:-/

Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.


Wife messaged to her husband

During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that the Windows frozen .

Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again No way, the computer is completely spoilt now !

Horrible animal jokes inside.

How do you get a dog to sound like a cat? Stick it in the freezer for a few hours, then run it through a bandsaw and it goes "MRRREEOOW".

BONUS JOKE: How do you get a cat to sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it up and it goes "WHOOF".

I don't understand... My wife keeps telling me to load the dishwasher...

Then she gets mad when I pour her a double...

I got stuck in a blender.

Pour me...

On a frosty winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
wife writings back 5 minutes after the fact:

"PC is truly spoiled at this point.

Cheese & Milk

Just as I was getting home last night a guy hit me with a block of cheese.

I thought that wasn't very mature.

He then ran over and pour milk all over my head.

I thought HOW DAIRY!!!

How to teach a cat how to bark?

Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!

I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism

I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time.

I used to live in a tea cup

I know what you're thinking, pour you

An alcoholic is sitting at a bar

He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.

The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.

The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."

What happens when you pour wine into the wrong throat?

The wrong person gets drunk.

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

A wife texts her husband on a cold winters morning...

Windows frozen ā€¦ā€¦

Husband texts back, Pour some luke warm water over it"ā€¦ā€¦

Wife replies, Computer completely stuffed now

Don't know why some countries have food problems

If you're Hungary you could pour Greece over Turkey and fry it in Japan.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician asks for a beer.
The second asks for a half a beer.
The third asks for a quarter of a beer and so on with the consecutive mathematicians having half the amount of beer as the mathematician before him.

The bartender says: "I'll just pour you 2 beers, you gotta know your limits!"

I poured a bag of yellow vegetables over a dead policeman.

Corn on the cop.

The wife brought home a tub of ice-cream...

...and asked me if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you get when you think about me naked". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass".

How do you stop your wife from going out?

Pour on some more Gasoline.

Have you ever poured fluorine on cesium?

I've heard it's a blast

I'm a pessimist and an optimist,

So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

A bottle of Scotch

An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".

A man runs into a bar...

He runs up the bartender and says:

"Quick! Pour me 20 shots of your most expensive single malt scotch!"

The bartender hurries and pours the man the 20 shots, and the man quickly takes down each one.

The bartender says: "wow, I've never seen anybody drink that fast!"

The man says: "well you'd drink fast too if you had what I had..."

The bartender says: "oh my God, what is it? What do you have?"

The man says: "Fifty cents."

Can you remember the name of that drink, where you pour espresso over ice cream?

Affogato.

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

How do you make a cat go woof

Pour petrol on it and set it on fire

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.

He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time Iļø pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?

The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.

Macduff was on his deathbed.

He called on his good friend, Macleod, to visit him before he died. "Macleod," he said, "take that bottle of whisky on the bedside table. It's a Macallan 1951, brewed the year I was born. You'll never find a finer Scotch. When I am buried, I want you to pour it on my grave."

Macleod nodded solemnly, and then asked,

"Can I filter it through my kidneys first?'

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

I poured Red Bull into my CPAP machine...

Got a full night's sleep in 45 minutes.

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your most expensive Scotch."

The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.

"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.

"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," the man says.

"Oh my gosh," the bartender says, "What do you have?"

The man replies "50 cents."

What do you get when you pour very hot water down a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies.

I once saw someone pouring water on their phone.

All I could think was water pour decision it was.

An Egyptian man was sailing down a river

When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.

He was in de Nile

What's the difference between where you pour dirty water and The Rock?

One's the the bottom of a sink and the other's a Dwayne.

Man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him ten shots of whiskey. Bartender says, "Wow, are you sure?" Man replies, "If you had what I have, you'd want ten shots, too." He pours the man his shots and the man takes each one. Bartender says, "Okay, you gotta tell me what it is you've got."

The man replies, "Seventy-five cents."

A man is walking on the interstate

He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."

I poured her a drink and I said "Say when"

She said "After this drink".

Never pour cereal down the loo.

It Kellogg's up your toilet.

A new carbonated beverage mimics the sounds of a human voice when you pour it out of the bottle.

or out of the can, soda speak.

What does Eevee evolve into when you pour buckets of slime on it?

Nickelodeon

Two Irishmen leave a funeral

One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and Coke

The bartender says "sorry to disappoint, but is Pepsi okay?"

It had been a long day, so the man said "yeah, that's fine"

The bartender turned to pour the drink, then handed it to the man.

"Here you go. Pepsi and Coke"

On a cold winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"Computer is really screwed up now.

Daily Covid-19 check

At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.

If you can smell, you are not infected.

Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.

Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.

\~ Dr Johnny Walker

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.

Why does Meghan Trainor like to pour the meat juices over her roast during cooking?

She's all about that baste.

What do you get when you pour Red Bull onto a clock?

A waste of time and energy.

2 guys walk into a bar

"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts one guy to the other.

The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"

The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"

The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"

My wife texted me on a cold winter morning...

My wife texted me on a cold winter morning, saying "Windows frozen, won't open. "

I texted her back, "gently pour some hot water along the edges, and tap it with a hammer. "

After a few minutes she texted back, "computer is really messed up now. "

[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.

The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".

Step-dad tells his step-son to clean his room

Step-son: Am I going to have to pour hot melted cheese all over myself?

Step-dad: Why would you have to do that?

Step-son: To remind you that I'm NACHO son

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pour spill jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pour drip piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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