Pour Jokes
106 pour jokes and hilarious pour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pour Short Jokes
Short pour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pour humour may include short para jokes also.
- How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
- During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
- I can't remember the name of that Italian dessert where you pour espresso over ice cream. I asked my Italian friend, but he couldn't remember either.
- What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He - Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike? Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
- My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons. He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.
- When cats are sad... Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Cat: "Shot of tequilla."
*Bartender pours it.*
*Cat slowly pushes it off the bar.*
Cat: "I'll have another." - I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land... and then the plot thickens.
- I found a butterfly without wings... So I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned.
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Pour One Liners
Which pour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pour? I can suggest the ones about pare and fore.
- I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
- They might deny pouring glue on my weapons... But I'm sticking to my guns.
- What do you get when you pour red bull onto a clock? A waste of time and energy.
- I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan... ...someone is going to be wrong.
- Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me How dairy!
- When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee? Before it is too latte
- Never pour cereal down the loo. It Kellogg's up your toilet.
- I poured Red Bull into my CPAP machine... Got a full night's sleep in 45 minutes.
- What do you call a man who pours a lot of drinks? Phil.
- I hear The Rock gave up drinking He was tired of pouring money down the Dwayne
- What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? a hardened criminal.
- I poured her a drink and I said "Say when" She said "After this drink".
- What is worse than bad grammar? pour grammar
- what is long, has a slanted tip, and pours fluid when in use? A pen is.
- If u stand in the pouring grain.... Your gonna get all wheat!
Fun-Filled Pour Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about pour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sans jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pour pranks.
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam...
A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam when, suddenly, a hole blasts out of the side of the dam and water starts to pour out.
The priest knows that if the reservoir is emptied, the people downstream will be flooded and have to leave their homes.
He turns his attention to God as all good priests do and cries
O God! Dam it!
a man walks into a bar & orders nine glasses of wine...
the bartender starts to pour them but can't keep up with how fast the man is drinking them! he says "sir, if I may ask, why are you drinking like this?" he replies "you'd be drinking this way if you had what I have." the bartender looking shocked asked "sir, what is it you have??" he replies "a dollar".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
-"A little early isn't it, w**...?"
-"For a beer?"
-"No, for s**... questions."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...
who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane h**... and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's that?"
"Have you f**... yet?" "No....."
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"
Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.
Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?
Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"
the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH
Stuck Windows
A wife calls her husband in the office
"Honey, the windows are stuck. Please tell me what to do?"
"Just pour some hot water on them, that should make them move"
Wife calls back in 15 minutes
"Honey, I did exactly what you told me but now the computer won't even start"
How do you make a Chevy Malibu float?
Pour a glass of soda and add two scoops of Chevy Malibu
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat go woof?
You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
I was at a store and I saw some yogurt in a big bag with a spout...
I guess that you could say the yogurt was pour quality
What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug?
Just Beer.
If you don't get it, think mathematically.
Pour me a drink before I get into a fight
Man: hurry, pour me a drink before I get into a fight
Bartender: here
Man: another one before I get into fight
Bartender: here
Man: another one before I...
Bartender: here, but who are you going to fight?
Man: you maybe, because I got no money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.
h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.
Lennon says to the bartender, "give me your best shot."
The bartender pours Lennon a shot, and it's dead-on perfect.
John Paul says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender pours him a shot, and it was decent, but a bit off
h**... says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender is about to pour it when h**... stops him and says,
"Actually, I'll do it myself."
A man walks into a Jewish bar
And asks the old bartender to pour him a drink.
The old bartender pours it and the man asks:
" Haim, why is it that you never fill up the drinks?"
" That's because I'm old and can't see that well anymore."
" Okay, but why is it that you never pour too much then?"
" Well I'm not blind, am I ?"
My wife texted me at lunch
"Window's frozen"
"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.
Ten minutes later, she called back.
"We need a new computer now".
Why did the bartender get fired?
He was doing a pour job
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you have two cows,
Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor
Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk
Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk
New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain
n**...: The government shoots you and keeps the cows
Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned
Binaryism: You have 10 cows
The group wanted to pour some wine but unfortunately...
Decant
Parenting 101
1. Pour milk on floor.
2. Ask which kid did it.
3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it.
4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a coffee p**... say when it's feeling sorry for itself?
Pour me...
:-/
Courtesy waffle house marketing team from an email i received today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Horrible animal jokes inside.
How do you get a dog to sound like a cat? Stick it in the freezer for a few hours, then run it through a bandsaw and it goes "MRRREEOOW".
BONUS JOKE: How do you get a cat to sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it up and it goes "WHOOF".
I don't understand... My wife keeps telling me to load the dishwasher...
Then she gets mad when I pour her a double...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got stuck in a blender.
Pour me...
Cheese & Milk
Just as I was getting home last night a guy hit me with a block of cheese.
I thought that wasn't very mature.
He then ran over and pour milk all over my head.
I thought HOW DAIRY!!!
I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism
I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time.
I used to live in a tea cup
I know what you're thinking, pour you
An alcoholic is sitting at a bar
He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.
The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.
The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when you pour wine into the wrong t**...?
The wrong person gets drunk.
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was about to pour myself the last bowl of captain crunch, but my father snatched the box out of my hands.
Turns out, my dad is a cereal r**....
Don't know why some countries have food problems
If you're Hungary you could pour Greece over Turkey and fry it in Japan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I poured a bag of yellow vegetables over a dead policeman.
Corn on the cop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the most effective way to drain a swamp?
Pour toxic orange sludge into it and the community will mobilize to drain it for you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I poured wine on my ex's grave
filtered through my kidneys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The wife brought home a tub of ice-cream...
...and asked me if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you get when you think about me n**...". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass".
I pour maple syrup over my essays
Because they're 100% waffle.
Have you ever poured fluorine on cesium?
I've heard it's a blast
I'm a pessimist and an optimist,
So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.
While Jesus can turn water into wine...
...the scientist can pour root beer into a square cup, resulting in just beer.
They have these new cream corn containers that look like milk cartons...
They call it Soft Pour Corn.
A bottle of Scotch
An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".
I asked my Hispanic friend to transfer my drink into a cup...
Then i told him thanks for that pour favor
I was poured as a coffee today
Guess you could say I was mugged.
Can you remember the name of that drink, where you pour espresso over ice cream?
Affogato.
Macduff was on his deathbed.
He called on his good friend, Macleod, to visit him before he died. "Macleod," he said, "take that bottle of whisky on the bedside table. It's a Macallan 1951, brewed the year I was born. You'll never find a finer Scotch. When I am buried, I want you to pour it on my grave."
Macleod nodded solemnly, and then asked,
"Can I filter it through my kidneys first?'
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
LPT If you have a cat, DO pour from a up higher because it will teach restraint and enhance the flavor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat bark?
Pour some gasoline on it, light it.
Woof!
What do you get when you pour very hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
I once saw someone pouring water on their phone.
All I could think was water pour decision it was.
An Egyptian man was sailing down a river
When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.
He was in de Nile
What's the difference between where you pour dirty water and The Rock?
One's the the bottom of a sink and the other's a Dwayne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I poured some b**... water out on a plant, turns out they don't like w**...
Bushes prefer c**...
I really don't understand why my Burger Joint was shut down.
I really don't get it. I mean, I really pour blood, tears and sweat over these burgers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone pouring water in your v**...?
That'll dampen your spirits!
I saw a girl pour glitter into an ice box...
It's pretty cool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stirlitz
Stirlitz saw how two German soldiers pour a gasoline on a cat and set it on fire. Poor cat runs in agony and after few seconds fall on ground and dies. He ran out of fuel - Stirlitz said.
Bartenders should get paid more
'Cause they pour
A new carbonated beverage mimics the sounds of a human voice when you pour it out of the bottle.
or out of the can, soda speak.
I made a custom mold by pouring silicone over a crucifix. 24 hours and one epoxy pour later...
and Christ is resin.
What does the days of the week pour out of for a drink on a hot day?
A jug of leMondayade.
What does Eevee evolve into when you pour buckets of slime on it?
Nickelodeon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen leave a f**...
One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"
I've decided to pour a new foundation for my porch.
I want to make concrete changes to my life.
I dont see whats the big deal with china.
its the tea you pour that really matters.
If you pour water to water
It grows
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I enjoy watching sports, but I think they should pour the bucket of Gatorade on the coach...
who looses the game.
Daily Covid-19 check
At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.
If you can smell, you are not infected.
Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.
Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.
\~ Dr Johnny Walker
A new and easy test for COVID-19
Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.
Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.
I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!
Why does Meghan Trainor like to pour the meat juices over her roast during cooking?
She's all about that baste.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 guys walk into a bar
"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts o**... to the other.
The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"
The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"
The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.
The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".
Step-dad tells his step-son to clean his room
Step-son: Am I going to have to pour hot melted cheese all over myself?
Step-dad: Why would you have to do that?
Step-son: To remind you that I'm NACHO son
A woman goes to dump her dads ashes in the ocean to fulfill his wishes.
When she tries to pour the ashes into the ocean, the wind blows the ash back into her eyes.
She hears her dad say "Whats wrong, you cant sea?"
