Pound Shop Jokes

17 pound shop jokes and hilarious pound shop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pound shop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Best Short Pound Shop Jokes

Short pound shop puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pound shop humour may include short dollar store jokes also.

  1. A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop. Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?
    Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.
  2. The horse goes into the hardware shop... The horse goes into the hardware shop.
    Horse: I would like to have a pound of bread!
    Clerk: sorry but we have only pink.
    Horse: no problem I came with bike.
  3. shops have changed so much. In my day you could go in with a pound and get a bag of crisp and a magazazine now days they have cameras
  4. A man goes to a butcher's shop He asks the butcher, "can I have a pound of kidleies?"
    The butcher says, "you mean kidneys, right?"
    "That's what I said, d**... I?"

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pound shop can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pound shop puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Pound Shop One Liners

Which pound shop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pound shop? I can suggest the ones about corner shop and pound town.

  1. How to easily lose weight. Shop in England and drop a few pounds.

Pound Shop Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about pound shop you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean pet shop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pound shop prank.

So the church is losing money...

...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker...

A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker.
"Sir, I am very hungry. I am willing to clean your entire cheese shop for a pound of cheddar. "
The cheesemaker thinks for a moment, decides, and nods. "Forthwith!"
The little boy grabs a broom and vigilantly begins cleaning.
At the end of the day, the little boy shows the cheesemaker his fine work. The cheesemaker, approving of the poor boy's efforts, hands him a pound of Swiss cheese.
"But I said I would clean your shop for a pound of cheddar!" protested the boy.
And the cheesemaker replies, "And I thaid for thwith."

A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.

A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.
"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.
"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.

A woman was shopping for turkey at her grocery store. She finds a 12 lbs one and a 13 pound one, frustrated she asked a shop worker, "Do these get any bigger?"

The worker replied, "No, they're all dead."

A doctor sees a brains for sale sign in front of a shop.

He goes in and sees a doctor's brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90? The cashier responds, Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound?

A weird order at the pet shop

A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."

An oldie but a goodie

A guy walks into a butcher shop and says "I'd like two pounds of kidleys."
The butcher looks at him and says "Don't you mean you want two pounds of *kidneys*?"
The guy is all confused. "I *said* kidleys, d**... I?"

A zombie is at the butcher shop.

A zombie is at a butcher shop for the undead. He tells the butcher, "Give me 40 pounds of human brain and 60 human legs. And keep them in the boxes, they're going straight in my truck."
The butcher says, "Do you need a hand with that?"

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2%milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce, a two pound can of coffee, and a one pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, " Cause you're ugly."

No matter how hard it tries, a pollack cannot pose as an Italian

A polish man moves to the USA; it is circa 1920. However, he's having a hard time getting started. Everywhere he goes to get a job he hears "no, we don't hire you dumb pollacks". He is saddened by these blatant stereotypes.
He sees that Italians are succeeding in the new world, and decides he is going to try to pose as an Italian. He spends weeks practicing his accent, learning the culture, and otherwise becoming an Italian.
Once he feels confident he goes into town with his newly adopted persona, and walks into a shop
He yells at the guy behind the counter in a thick italian accent "hey, get me a half pound of your best provolone and full pound of prosciutto"
The man immediately asks "Sir, are you a pollack?"
Disgruntled he goes "....uh, no no, give me my f**...' meat and cheese"
The man responds "Sir, this is a hardware store."

The Butcher's Daughter

A butcher lives in a tiny apartment above his tinier shop. He is awakened in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from downstairs. He tiptoes down the staircase and peers into his shop to discover his daughter m**... with a large liverwurst on his butcher's block.
The butcher is mortified, but heads back upstairs to bed, trying to erase what he just witnessed from his mind.
In the morning a woman enters the store and starts picking out meats.
"...and finally, I'll need about a half a pound of liverwurst".
"Er...we're actually out of that..."
The woman looks perplexed, and points with her thumb to the liverwurst displayed inches away from her.
"So what's that then?"
"That...that is my son-in-law."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pound shop jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.