Pou Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute

I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!

I get that the #me too movement is supposed to be empowering...

But they could've picked a better slogan than PoundMeToo

A cat walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:

I'm not letting you out.

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."

Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?

Dad: "About a pound and a half."

Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"

Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

What is great in the US but awful in the UK?

Losing pounds

A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn




^He^^He^^^He^^^^He

I set out to lose 10 pounds this month...

Only 15 more to go

Why are rich british people fat?

because they measure their wealth in pounds

What's heavier, 200 pounds of bricks, or 200 pounds of feathers?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you've also got to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds

A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign

which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

During a job interview yesterday I poured myself some water

into a cup and it overflowed slightly.

"Nervous?" Said the interviewer.

"No" I said, "I always give 110%"

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.

"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

How are dog catchers paid?

By the pound!

I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year.

30 pounds to go

Boss: Do you know why I called you in here?

Me: Because I accidentally sent you a dic pic

Boss: (Stops pouring 2 glasses of wine)
Accidentally?

credit u/zarina300

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

10 shots of whiskey please!

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the guy starts downing them. By the 5th one the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I have."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "No money."

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the man immediately downs them one after another. The bartender says " are you ok, I've never seen anyone drink like that." The man replied "if you had what I have you would drink like that too." The bartender asks "that's rough, what do you have?"

The man replies "about $.50".

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.

The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".

I lost 40 pounds in a day;

but I also lost my babysitting job.

My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am!

Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.

My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her.

It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!

The only problem is I'm British...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."

What are the funniest pou jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pou? Well, here are the best Pou puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pou pick up lines to share with friends.

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