The Best 73 Potter Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Potter jokes. There are some potter hagrid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these potter harry potter wand puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Potter Jokes and Puns

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

Because they were only a quideach

So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........

but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick weirdo.

jokes about potter

A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.

I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.

Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?

Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man

How did Harry Potter get down the mountain?

Running!... JK, Rowling.

Potter joke, How did Harry Potter get down the mountain?

I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic

I mean, a ginger with two friends?

On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?

9 3/4

*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*

What happened when Harry Potter had sex with a pig?

He got hog warts.

What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter

Warning: Offensive

Harry got out of the chamber.

You can explore potter hogwarts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean potter slytherin dad jokes. There are also potter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book

Dead serious.

Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.

"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Harry
"You ran face first into a wall."

As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.

My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.

My other friend is a Hunger Games fan, but he's good.

I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.

Potter joke, I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... the casting.

Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series

and you-know-whodunnit...

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.

... i can find the door out.

Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?

Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"


"No, Ron."

How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

Potter joke, What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his pot in potions class?

They're both cauldron

Why is Harry Potter better than Jews?

He made it out of the chamber.

How does Harry Potter get down a hill?

By walking.

J.K. Rowling

It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter

Both of the main characters are harry

On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?

9 3/4

How does Harry Potter like to go down hills?


J.K. Rowling

My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan

She always wears an invisibility cloak.

What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?

A ginger with two friends

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

I really love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the deathday party, I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick...

He was a very poorly executed character.

Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.

A little confused he asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"

Harry Potter walks into a bar

Because it was on his bedroom window

What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?

A hedwig

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv

How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?


How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick?

About a Quid each.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.

How does Harry Potter go down a hill?



Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?

**They were past their hexpiration date!**

*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead Sirius.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.

JK. Rolling

I like the Harry Potter books and movies but

I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?


JK.... Rowling

How did harry potter get down the hill?



JK. Rolling.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.

The bartender says Hey, didn't you write those Harry Potter books?

I heard they found Harry Potter licking packages in the mailroom again...


Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...


~ Who's there?

~ You know

~ you know who?

*avada kedavra!*

Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.

I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise.

He was a poorly executed character.

My son asked me last night "how does Harry Potter fill up his car"?

Answer - Expecto Petroleum

Harry Potter Joke

While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"

The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!

I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor Ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me.

I think it's because he really was poorly executed.

My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character.

Sirius Lea, it's true

I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic

I mean a ginger with 2 friends??

I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted.

But the fifth oneβ€”-dead Sirius.

An old Harry Potter joke

Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape's door.

Who is it?

Voldemort: THE DARK LORD!!

Snape: Sauron?

Voldemort: No no, the other one

Snape: Vader?

Voldemort, irritated, thunders: THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!

Snape, confused: Hermione??

Warner Bros should create a Harry Potter spinoff series based on the life of Hermione Granger.

They should name it Granger Things.

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message


What does Harry Potter and Elton John have in common?

Both of them have spent a portion of their lives in a closet.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the potter harry potter birthday jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working potter harry potter knock knock piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes