Potter Jokes
135 potter jokes and hilarious potter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about potter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for the best Potter jokes to make your friends laugh? Enjoy this collection of original Potter jokes that poke fun at popular characters like Harry Potter, Hermoine, and Hagrid. Get ready to see Hogwarts in a whole new light through the magic of comic relief!
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Funniest Potter Short Jokes
Short potter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The potter humour may include short jk rowling jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise. He was a poorly executed character.
- I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but... I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
- I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me. I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
- I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
- I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
- My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
- My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
- Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
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Potter One Liners
Which potter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with potter? I can suggest the ones about harry and pitcher.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
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j/k…rolling. - How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.
J.K. Rowling - How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking. JK. Rolling
- How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill? By walking... jk rolling
- How did harry potter get down the hill? Walking.
LoL
JK. Rolling. - What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking....
Jk, rolling - Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
- How did Harry Potter get down the mountain? Running!... JK, Rowling.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
- Why is Harry Potter better than Jews? He made it out of the chamber.
- What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking.
J.K Rowling
Harry Potter Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter jokes and even better harry potter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius.
- I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?
- I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic I mean, a ginger with two friends?
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
- I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
- I liked the Harry Potter books and films but... I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed
- Most characters in the Harry Potter series were represented well in their transition from book to movie; But Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
- What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber. - Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!" "Serious?"
"No, Ron." - I really love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the deathday party, I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick... He was a very poorly executed character.
Harry Potter Spells Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of all the Harry Potter movies, it spells out a secret message # HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
- Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
- Oscar Pistorious That sounds like a spell Harry Potter uses to make your legs fall off
- "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
- What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
- why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123 - What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
- What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
- What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson

Harry Potter Spell Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spell jokes and even better harry potter spell puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Harry Potter doesn't mind if you pronounce a spell wrong. "PO-TA-TO, PAT-RO-NUM!!!!"
- What spell does harry Potter use on halloween? Spoopify
- What spell does Harry Potter use for constipation? Expelli-a**...
- What's Harry Potters favorite spell at age 75? p**... Erectus
- s**... Ed in Wizard World What spell do use if you need an abortion in Harry's Potters world.
Fetus Deletus - What spell does Harry Potter use for safe s**...? Fetus Deletus
Harry Potter Wand Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter wand jokes and even better harry potter wand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Harry Potter do when he realized he got Hermione pregnant? He waved his wand at her stomach and said: fetus deletus!
- Harry Potter's favorite band Just read the new Harry Potter story on Pottermore and learned one interesting factoid. His favorite band is Wand e**....
- [OC] What does Harry Potter get when he's listening to British boy groups? A wand e**....
- What was Harry Potter's favorite band during puberty? Wand e**...

The Funniest Potter Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about potter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make potter pranks.
Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.
For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.
Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans
Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"
Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"
Sister: "Sirius Black"
Took me a minute.
Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?
Because they were only a quideach
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?
"Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"
What do you call a bearded gardener?
Hairy Potter
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?
9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*
What happened when Harry Potter had s**... with a pig?
He got hog warts.
Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book
Dead serious.
Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.
"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Harry
"You ran face first into a wall."
As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.
My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.
My other friend is a hunger games fan, but he's good.
My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies...
...is the casting.
Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series
and you-know-whodunnit...
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?
Because they're both cauldron
Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?
Because he expecto'd Petronas.
What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?
Nine and three quarters.
Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his p**... in potions class?
They're both cauldron
It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both beauty and the beast and Harry Potter
Both of the main characters are harry
How does Harry Potter get down a hill?
By walking
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J. K. Rowling
How does Harry Potter like to go down hills?
Walking...
J.K. Rowling
My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan
She always wears an invisibility cloak.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with two friends
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Harry Potter walks into a bar
Because it was on his bedroom window
What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?
A hedwig
How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?
Fetusdeletus
How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick?
About a Quid each.
If a bearded man makes vases...
Is he a hairy potter?
How does Harry Potter go down a hill?
Walking.
JK ROLLINGGG
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*
Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter
Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.
What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.
I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter
...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
I like the Harry Potter books and movies but
I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running!
JK.... Rowling
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking p**... and his best friend?
They're both cauldron
Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?
She was never able to receive her Severus package.
A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.
The bartender says Hey, didn't you write those Harry Potter books?
I heard they found Harry Potter l**... packages in the mailroom again...
Parceltongue
Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.
You're a blizzard Dairy.
James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.
James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"
Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."
Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."
"I'm not kidding!" Black protested. "She killed me!"
**"Oh," James said, looking at his friend. "You're dead Sirius."** (dead serious)
For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...
*Knock-knock*
~ Who's there?
~ You know
~ you know who?
*avada kedavra!*
Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.
My son asked me last night "how does Harry Potter fill up his car"?
Answer - Expecto Petroleum
Harry Potter Joke
While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"
The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!
An old Harry Potter joke
Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape's door.
Who is it?
Voldemort: THE DARK LORD!!
Snape: Sauron?
Voldemort: No no, the other one
Snape: Vader?
Voldemort, irritated, thunders: THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!
Snape, confused: Hermione??
Warner Bros should create a Harry Potter spinoff series based on the life of Hermione Granger.
They should name it Granger Things.
What's the most far fetched thing about Harry Potter ??
Thata ginger would have two friends.
When i have my first child I'm going to make him read all the Harry Potter books and convince him he is also a wizard.
On his 11th birthday he will receive his hogwarts letter (written by me) and i will then take him to kings cross station and say nothing as he runs at the wall between platform 9 and 10.
Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What do you call a ceramic artist in need of a shave?
Hairy Potter.

