potter Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious potter puns

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.


How does Harry Potter get down a hill?

By walking.

J.K. Rowling


Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron


Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, "Ron, I'm gay."

"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Ron.

"Yeah...that too," says Harry.


What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?



How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling


I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.


How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley


I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?


Harry Potter: "Hermoine, I'm gay"

Hermione: "Are you kidding?"
Harry: "No, I'm fucking Sirius"


My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv


Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.

... i can find the door out.


Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?

Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man


Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.

A little confused he asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"


I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.


What did Harry Potter say when he found Dumbledore in bed with his godfather?

Are you fucking Sirius?


I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic

I mean, a ginger with two friends?


A muggle walks up to a wizard

And says "Holy crap, you're Harry Potter!!"

The wizard replies, "No, but you're close. I'm Harry Potter's godfather"

"Haha, nice try Harry Potter. I know it's you." Says the muggle.

"No, I'm Sirius"


How does Harry Potter go down a hill? By walking.

JK. Rowling.


I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.


How did Harry Potter get down the mountain?

Running!... JK, Rowling.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?

9 3/4


What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter

Warning: Offensive

Harry got out of the chamber.


Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"


"No, Ron."


Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his pot in potions class?

They're both cauldron


Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate.

They're both cauldron.


I really love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the deathday party, I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick...

He was a very poorly executed character.


How does Harry Potter get down the stairs? By walking.

J.K. Rowling...


Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.


What happened when Harry Potter had sex with a pig?

He got hog warts.


Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch


Why is Harry Potter better than Jews?

He made it out of the chamber.


I've just watched the Harry Potter films..,

It's a bit unrealistic if you ask me.

I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?!!


My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan

She always wears an invisibility cloak.


Harry Potter walks into a bar

Because it was on his bedroom window


What are the most funny Potter jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Potter? Well, here are the best Potter dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Potter pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes