Potter Jokes
122 potter jokes and hilarious potter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about potter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for the best Potter jokes to make your friends laugh? Enjoy this collection of original Potter jokes that poke fun at popular characters like Harry Potter, Hermoine, and Hagrid. Get ready to see Hogwarts in a whole new light through the magic of comic relief!
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Funniest Potter Short Jokes
Short potter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The potter humour may include short jk rowling jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
- My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
- My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
- Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
- I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius.
- I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?
- Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated? She was never able to receive her Severus package.
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
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Potter One Liners
Which potter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with potter? I can suggest the ones about harry and pitcher.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
…
j/k…rolling. - What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
- My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan She always wears an invisibility cloak.
- Harry Potter walks into a bar Because it was on his bedroom window
- Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion. You're a blizzard Dairy.
- How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick? About a Quid each.
- My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... ...is the casting.
- Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious.
- If a bearded man makes vases... Is he a hairy potter?
- Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series and you-know-whodunnit...
Harry Potter Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter jokes and even better harry potter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
- Most characters in the Harry Potter series were represented well in their transition from book to movie; But Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
- Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!" "Serious?"
"No, Ron." - Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race? Because he expecto'd Petronas.
- Warner Bros should create a Harry Potter spinoff series based on the life of Hermione Granger. They should name it Granger Things.
- What does Harry Potter and your Soulmate have in common? They're both fictional Characters.
- My son asked me last night "how does Harry Potter fill up his car"? Answer - Expecto Petroleum
- Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts They never saw him coming.
- Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches? Because they were only a quideach
- Why can't Harry Potter draw a straight line ? He can only draw Diagon Alley.
Harry Potter Spells Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
- "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
- What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
- why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123 - What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
- What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
- What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson
- Harry Potter doesn't mind if you pronounce a spell wrong. "PO-TA-TO, PAT-RO-NUM!!!!"
- What spell does harry Potter use on halloween? Spoopify
The Funniest Potter Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about potter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make potter pranks.
Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.
For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.
So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, right? I guess that's when the books started getting
*dead Sirius*
Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans
Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"
Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"
Sister: "Sirius Black"
Took me a minute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?
Because he catches all the snitches!
How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?
"Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"
What do you call a bearded gardener?
Hairy Potter
What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?
Shirley you can't be Sirius.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter
Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader?
*A Vader Cadaver*
As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.
My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.
My other friend is a hunger games fan, but he's good.
8th Harry Potter book confirmed, you'll never believe who wrote it...
J.K.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password
She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella d**... Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?
Because they're both cauldron
The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series.
I mean, the fifth book was dead serious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
Yesterday i told my friend that i always wanted to ride that thing in Harry Potter.
"A broom?" he asked.
"No, Hermione."
What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone?
"u**... my way."
On a scale of 1-10 how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
About 9 3/4
BREAKING: Harry Potter series was ghostwritten
JK, Rowling wrote it.
It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both beauty and the beast and Harry Potter
Both of the main characters are harry
What would Chewbacca be called if he worked with porcelain?
Hairy Potter
What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer?
He is the best at catching snitches.
What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?
Ginny Weasley's emotions.
What do you call it when Harry Potter has a one night stand?
Hit it and quidditch
I love playing Harry Potter make believe with my kid.
That's why he lives under the stairs.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with two friends
Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?
He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.
Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...
What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?
A hedwig
How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?
Fetusdeletus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*
Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter
Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.
What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.
The bartender says Hey, didn't you write those Harry Potter books?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard they found Harry Potter l**... packages in the mailroom again...
Parceltongue
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.
James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"
Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."
Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."
"I'm not kidding!" Black protested. "She killed me!"
**"Oh," James said, looking at his friend. "You're dead Sirius."** (dead serious)
For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...
*Knock-knock*
~ Who's there?
~ You know
~ you know who?
*avada kedavra!*
Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.
Did you hear about the depressed potter?
He was doing great, until he cracked and kilned himself.
Why did Harry Potter bring his pig to the vet?
Because it had hog warts
Harry Potter Joke
While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"
The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!
Did you know Harry Potter can talk to packages?
He speaks parceltongue!
An old Harry Potter joke
Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape's door.
Who is it?
Voldemort: THE DARK LORD!!
Snape: Sauron?
Voldemort: No no, the other one
Snape: Vader?
Voldemort, irritated, thunders: THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!
Snape, confused: Hermione??
Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.
They called it "Rowling in the Deep"
What does Harry Potter and Elton John have in common?
Both of them have spent a portion of their lives in a closet.
When i have my first child I'm going to make him read all the Harry Potter books and convince him he is also a wizard.
On his 11th birthday he will receive his hogwarts letter (written by me) and i will then take him to kings cross station and say nothing as he runs at the wall between platform 9 and 10.
Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What do you call a ceramic artist in need of a shave?
Hairy Potter.
I was totally shocked that my Border Collie loved the Harry Potter movies
I mean, he completely hated the books
